Walking in Zen Sitting in Zen 13

Thirteenth Discourse from the series of 16 discourses - Walking in Zen Sitting in Zen by Osho.
You can listen, download or read all of these discourses on oshoworld.com.

The first question:
How can I become a light unto myself?
These were the last words of Gautam the Buddha; his parting message to his disciples: “Be a light unto yourself.” But when he says, “Be a light unto yourself,” he does not mean become a light unto yourself. There is a great difference between being and becoming.
Becoming is a process, being is a discovery.
The seed only appears to become the tree, that is an appearance. The seed already had the tree within itself, it was its very being. The seed does not become the flowers. The flowers were there unmanifest, now they are manifest. It is not a question of becoming, otherwise a pebble could become a flower. But that doesn’t happen. A rock cannot become a rose; that doesn’t happen because the rock has no potential for being a rose. The seed simply discovers itself through dying into the soil; dropping its outer shell, it becomes revealed in its inner reality.
Man is a light in seed. You are already buddhas. It is not that you have to become buddhas; it is not a question of learning, of achieving. It is only a question of recognition – it is a question of going within yourself and seeing what is there. It is self-discovery.
You are not to become a light unto yourself, it is already the case. But you don’t go in; your whole journey is outward. We are being brought up in such a way that we all become extroverts. Our eyes become focused on the outside. We are always seeking and searching for some goal “there,” far away. The farther the goal, the more challenging it appears to the ego. The more difficult it is, the more attractive it appears. The ego exists through challenges; it wants to prove itself. It is not interested in the simple, it is not interested in the ordinary, it is not interested in the natural. It is interested in something which is neither natural, nor simple, nor ordinary. Its desire is for the extraordinary. And the reality is very ordinary, it is very simple. The reality is not there but here, not then but now, not outside but in the innermost sanctum of your being. You have just to close your eyes and look in.
In the beginning it is difficult because eyes only know how to look out. They have become so accustomed to looking out that when you close them, they continue to look out – they start dreaming, they start fantasizing. Those dreams are nothing but reflections of the outside. So you are only apparently with closed eyes. But your eyes are still open to the outside world, you are not in. In fact, every meditator comes across this strange phenomenon: that whenever you close your eyes your mind becomes more restless, your mind becomes more insane. It starts chattering in a crazy way; relevant, irrelevant thoughts crisscross your being. It is never so when you are looking outside. Naturally you become tired; naturally you think it is better to remain occupied in something, in some work, rather than sit silently with closed eyes. Because nothing seems to happen except a long, long procession of thoughts, desires, memories. They go on coming, unending.
But this is only in the beginning. Just a little patience, just a little awaiting… If you go on looking, watching these thoughts, silently, with no judgment, with no antagonism, with no desire even to stop them – as if you have no concern with them, you are unconcerned… Just as one watches the traffic on the road, or one watches the clouds in the sky, or a river flowing by; you simply watch your thoughts. You are not those thoughts, you are the watcher; remembering that “I am the watcher, not the watched.” You cannot be the watched, you cannot be the object of your own subjectivity. You are your subjectivity, you are the witness, you are consciousness – and remembering it! It takes a little time; slowly, slowly the old habit dies. It dies hard but it dies, certainly. The day the traffic stops, suddenly you are full of light. You have always been full of light, just those thoughts were not allowing you to see that which you are.
When all objects have disappeared, there is nothing else to see; you recognize yourself for the first time. You realize yourself for the first time.
It is not becoming; it is a discovery of being. The outer shell of the thoughts of the mind is dropped and you have discovered your flowers, you have discovered your fragrance. This fragrance is freedom.
Hence don’t ask, “How can I become a light unto myself?” You are already a light unto yourself, you are just not aware of it. You have forgotten about it – you have to discover it. And the how of discovery is simple, very simple; a simple process of watching your thoughts.
To help this process you can start watching other things too because the process of watching is the same. What you are watching is not significant. Watch anything and you are learning watchfulness. Listen to the birds, it is the same. One day you will be able to listen to your own thoughts. The birds are a little farther away, your thoughts are a little closer. In the fall, watch the dry leaves falling from the trees. Anything will do that helps you to be watchful. Walking, watch your own walking.
Buddha used to say to his disciples: “Take each step watchfully.” He used to say: “Watch your breath.” That is one of the most significant practices for watching, because the breath is continuously available for twenty-four hours a day wherever you are. The birds may be singing one day, they may not be singing some other day, but breathing is always happening. Sitting, walking, lying down, it is always there. Go on watching the breath coming in, the breath going out.
Not that watching the breath is the point, the point is learning how to watch. Go to the river and watch the river. Sit in the marketplace and watch people passing by. Watch anything, just remember that you are a watcher. Don’t become judgmental, don’t be a judge. Once you start judging you have forgotten that you are a watcher; you have become involved; you have taken sides, you have chosen: “I am in favor of this thought and I am against that thought.” Once you choose, you become identified. Watchfulness is the method of destroying all identification.
Hence Gurdjieff called his process: the process of nonidentification. It is the same, his word is different.
Don’t identify yourself with anything, and slowly, slowly one learns the ultimate art of watchfulness. That’s what meditation is all about. Through meditation one discovers one’s own light. That light you can call your soul, your self, your godliness – whatever word you choose – or you can remain just silent because it has no name. It is a nameless experience, tremendously beautiful, ecstatic, utterly silent, but it gives you the taste of eternity, of timelessness, of something beyond death.

The second question:
Will surrender happen only when I am ready to die for you?
Veet Marc, I am not telling you to die for me. I am telling you just the opposite: to live for me. The surrender will happen only when you start living for me. I am not a worshipper of death, I am a worshipper of life. I am not here to teach you some kind of martyrhood. Enough of it! For thousands of years stupid people have been sacrificed by the cunning ones. Somebody was dying for Christianity; somebody was dying for Mohammedanism; somebody was dying for Hinduism. Everybody was dying – as if death were the goal – and nobody was being taught how to live.
Live for godliness because godliness is life. Of course, godliness is also death, but death is beautiful only when it comes out of a fulfilled life, when it is an ultimate flowering of life. When death is a sacrifice it is ugly. Then you are dying for some cause, for some purpose, for some vested interest. Then some cunning politician, some cunning priest is using you as a means to his own ends. Of course, he makes promises to you, otherwise how are you going to sacrifice your life? He promises you everything – after death. Now, nobody knows what happens after death so it is very easy to promise something after death.
I promise you everything before death, not after death. That is the way of the cunning people – promising you something after death. You sacrifice now and the rewards will be given after your death. Now nobody knows what happens after death. Mohammedans say if you die in a jihad, in a religious war, you may be a sinner, but you will go directly to heaven because you are dying for religion. The same is the attitude of the Christians and the same is the attitude of all the religions.
And who would not like to go to heaven? All the heavenly pleasures… And they are eternal and this life is momentary, this life is going to finish anyway sooner or later. What is there to be so worried about in this life? It is ugly, it is painful, it is suffering, it is misery. These same people have made this life so miserable that anybody would like to die.
I have heard…

A British politician was talking to Adolf Hitler just before the Second World War started. He had gone to persuade him not to enter this foolish war: “It is not going to help anybody; it will be destructive to the whole world.”
Adolf Hitler was adamant. In fact, he thought that the visit of this diplomat simply showed the weakness of the English people. He made it a point to prove to the diplomat: “We are going to fight. It will be better and in your favor if you surrender easily, otherwise you will be massacred, killed and destroyed unnecessarily.”
He showed him all the scientific developments that they had made, that they were going to use in war. Of course, they were the most superior power of those days; they had the most developed technology, particularly war technology. And then, finally, to prove: “Not only are there machines which are far bigger and better than you have, we also have men who are ready to die.” And to make the point absolutely clear, he came out of his room with the diplomat.
They were on the fourth story of a building. Three guards were standing there. He ordered the first guard to jump out of the window. The man simply jumped. The British diplomat was aghast. He could not believe his eyes. The man did not even think twice. When Adolf Hitler said, “Jump!” he jumped. There was no question of asking why. He could not believe his eyes.
Then he said to the second, “Jump!” and the second man jumped. By that time the English diplomat became aware what was happening – two lives were lost. He looked from the window; their bodies were just in pieces, in fragments, spread all over the road.
Adolf Hitler saw that he was impressed, tremendously impressed. In fact, he was in such shock; he could not believe such an inhuman act. To strike while the iron was hot he ordered the third man to jump.
By this time the diplomat was alert again. He jumped up immediately, took hold of the arm of the third man and said, “Are you mad or what? Why are you jumping? Why are you so eager to die? Don’t you want to live?”
The man looked at him with anger and said, “Do you call this life? Is it life? Is it worth living? Death is far better. Life is so miserable – death is a relief. Let go of my arm and let me jump!”

If life is so miserable – and Adolf Hitler had made life miserable – everybody was ready to die. First, make people’s lives miserable and don’t let them enjoy life. Destroy all the roots of enjoyment: teach them all kinds of inhibitions; tell them that sex is sin, love is sin; teach them that to drink, to eat, to be merry are the goals of ugly materialists. Tell them to be self-destructive and prepare them for a kind of masochistic lifestyle in which they become ascetics, in which they become experts at torturing themselves. And naturally, they would like to get rid of this life as soon as possible. It is very easy to persuade them; in fact there is no need to persuade them, they are already prepared and just waiting for the opportunity. Whenever such a great opportunity arises to die in a religious war, when heaven is so close and so easily available, who would like to miss it? Everybody is ready to die.
No, that is not my idea of religion, Marc. Do you know that the name Marc means a warrior, a soldier? Mythologically it means the god of war. I have changed his name, but by changing his name it is not so easy to change his mind. I have given him the name Veet Marc. Veet Marc means to go beyond war, beyond fighting; beyond the very idea of fight.
But he asks: “Will surrender happen only when I am ready to die for you?” Veet Marc, I don’t want anybody to die for me – I am not a sadist. I want you to live for me. I want you to blossom and flower for me. I want you to eat, drink and be merry for me. I want you to celebrate for me. I want you to live your life as totally, as fully as possible. Yes, death will come, but when it comes out of a fulfilled life, it has a beauty of its own. It is not death, not at all; it is the door to the divine. But you need not die. Your work is to live; that is your sadhana.
That’s my whole teaching: live, because that’s the only way to show gratitude toward existence. It has given you life and you want to die. No reason is worth dying for. Find every excuse to live and live to the utmost, live to the maximum; don’t live in a minimum way. That’s how people are living. People are living only a very minor percent of their potential, of their total; just a small percent of their potential – not more than seven percent. Even your greatest geniuses live not more than fifteen percent of their potential – while you can live a hundred percent. Only once in a while a Buddha, a Krishna, a Christ lives a hundred percent.
If you can live a hundred percent, if you can burn your life’s torch at both ends, simultaneously, then you are surrendered to me. Surrender to life is surrender to me. I don’t stand against life, I simply represent life, love, laughter.
Of course, I know this is far more difficult. Dying is so simple, it is so easy; living is difficult, arduous. Dying does not need much intelligence. Any fool can be a soldier – in fact only fools can be soldiers – and anybody can commit suicide. What intelligence is needed? Any idiot can do it. Just jump from any mountain, into any river, into any ocean. Or now even better and simpler processes are available; just take a few sleeping pills and die silently. There is no need to make much fuss because even jumping from the mountain peak you may hesitate, you will have to make a decision. Just swallowing some pills is not that big a problem; you can easily do it. You can inject poison.
Dying is not of any value. To live is to really accept a great challenge, moment to moment. One has to live with a thousand and one problems; through a thousand and one problems and yet one has to keep one’s cool.
That’s the way of a sannyasin. A sannyasin is not a soldier, so you are not expected to be martyrs. You are expected to be lovers of life. And the more you love life, the closer you are to existence because it is its gift. Destroying this gift is ugly, is irreligious, is a sin.
Veet Marc, learn to live for me. I am giving you a bigger task, I know. It is a lifelong process; death can happen in a single moment. Unless you are really unfortunate death can happen in a single moment.

Mulla Nasruddin wanted to commit suicide. Being a man of a very calculative nature he made all the arrangements possible so that in case one arrangement failed, another would work. He went to the top of a small hillock with a rope, kerosene, a matchbox, a pistol. He found a beautiful place where the branch of a tree hung out over, just above the river from the top of the hill. He made arrangements to hang himself on the tree. There was every possibility that just the rope would do and he would die, but if something were to go wrong he had other arrangements, alternatives.
So he hangs himself. Before hanging himself he pours kerosene on his body, hangs himself and sets fire to his clothes. But who knows? So as a final precaution he also shoots himself. The bullet hits the rope, he falls into the river, and the river puts the fire out.
The next day I met him in the marketplace and said, “Nasruddin, what happened?”
He replied, “It was just luck!”
He told the whole story and I said, “This is really something. You had made so many arrangements!”
He said, “Yes, I had made so many arrangements. If I had not known how to swim I would have died!” But he knew how to swim, so he is still alive.

Unless something like this happens – which is very rare – unless the whole existence conspires against you, you can kill yourself very easily. But living is a long process. It will need guts, not stupidity; it will need intelligence. The more intelligent you are the deeper will be the quality of your life, the higher will be the value of your life. The more meditative you are the more you will be able to know what life really is. It is nothing but godliness in a manifest form. To destroy this for any reason whatever is wrong, is a sin. So remember it.
You are not here to die for me, you are here to learn how to live. Let death come as an ultimate reward of living. And if you have lived rightly you will be able to live through death too; you will be able to live death too. That is the most beautiful experience because it is through living death that one transcends death and becomes one with the eternal.

The third question:
I still don't accept myself. Why not?
It is because you are conditioned to be perfectionists, and perfection is such an ideal that everybody falls short of it. Then condemnation, self-condemnation arises. These are the tricks that have been played upon you – beware of these tricks. It is time for man to be mature enough to know that imperfection is the way of life. Everything is imperfect, and it is beautiful that things are imperfect. If everything was perfect and everyone was perfect, life would be so dull and boring that it would be impossible to tolerate it even for a single moment.
I agree perfectly with Bertrand Russell. He used to say that he did not want to go to heaven – jokingly, humorously, because in fact, he never believed that there was any heaven or hell. But he used to say, “Even if there is heaven, I would prefer hell because in hell you will find good company.”
In heaven you are bound to be bored, utterly bored. Just think – living with saints for eternity! Mahatma Gandhi sitting on one side and so many saints: Jaina, Hindu, Mohammedan, Christian, Buddhist – and to only live with them… They don’t even know how to play poker, they don’t even drink beer! Beer? They will not even be ready to drink Coca-Cola because there is cocaine in it. And smoking of course is not possible in heaven because cigarettes contain nicotine. In fact, life will be so impossible with these saints. They will never laugh – laughter is for imperfect human beings.
Christians say that Jesus never laughed. If Christians are right, Jesus must have been absolutely wrong. But I know that they are not right. Jesus must have laughed, must have – his whole life says so. He enjoyed the small things of life; he even enjoyed drinking wine. Now I don’t think your saints will allow him into heaven. They will call him a drunkard and throw him out. He lived with drunkards, gamblers, prostitutes. Your saints will be very angry. The rabbis who crucified Jesus may be allowed into heaven, but not Jesus. He is too human, too alive, too imperfect.
Bertrand Russell is right that in heaven you are not going to find good company. You will see sad faces, long faces, everybody almost dead. What will these people be doing there? No gossiping – you cannot even sermonize because to whom will you sermonize? They are all sermonizers. You cannot find disciples in heaven – they are all masters. Jainas say that no woman has ever entered heaven. Now you see the utter boredom? Just these ugly, half-starved saints and not even a single woman. It will be like a desert without any oasis.
Have you noticed? If a dozen men are sitting in a room, it is full of a certain vibe. Let one beautiful woman enter and the vibration immediately changes. The desert is no longer a desert; an oasis has come in. They all become alive, their kundalini starts rising! Those who had fallen asleep wake up. Buddhas go on saying, “Wake up!” and they don’t listen. But just let Sophia Loren enter and immediately all the saints are alive, awake, fully awake.
But Jainas say that no woman can enter heaven. If a woman is religious and spiritual, in her next life she will be born as a man and then she can go to heaven, but only from a man’s body, never from a woman’s. As if souls were also male and female. As if bodies also went to heaven! What kind of stupidity is this? But the fear… A woman can create a disturbance and naturally, if for centuries no woman has entered heaven and suddenly one does, there will be a great commotion; there will be a great disturbance; there will be chaos and a great fight will break out. All the saints will be at each others’ throats – a jihad, a religious war for the woman! Everybody will be ready to die.
You have been told to be perfectionists. That’s why this problem arises. It is not only your problem, it is everybody’s problem. But remember a few things. First: all evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.
Even evil is to be accepted because evil is potential vitality in need of transformation. Anger is potential vitality – accept it. I am not saying that you should remain angry; it is through acceptance that you can transform anger into compassion. It is the same energy that becomes compassion. I am not saying remain sexual for the whole of your life, but it is the energy of sex that becomes love and it is the energy of love that becomes prayer. Go on transforming it. But if you reject it from the very beginning, how are you going to transform it? If you condemn it you create a barrier between yourself and your own energy; now no transformation is possible. You become antagonistic, you become split. You are divided, constantly in conflict with yourself. Your life becomes a sheer wastage.
I know that you commit many mistakes, but to err is human. It is nothing to be worried about, nothing to make so much fuss about. It is how one learns, it is how by and by, one becomes mature. The man who never commits any mistakes never grows either. It is by going astray that one learns.
Hence, learn to forgive yourself again and again and again and again, because life is a constant growth. You will have to forgive yourself thousands of times. If you cannot forgive yourself, who is going to forgive you? But you have been taught wrong values, wrong ideals and they are heavy on your head. Don’t be worried about small things – enjoy them. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends – yes, you too, and most certainly I myself. So don’t be worried at all.
Even buddhas have to create false devices. I have to trick you into things which you will not enter in any other way. I have to create devices. All devices are false; they have to be false because your illnesses are false.
For example, you are suffering from ego; now I say, “Surrender.” In the first place the ego is a false entity, there is no ego at all. You are simply dreaming, you are making it up. But what to do? You have made it such a big thing that I say to you, “Please, surrender it to me.” Rather than saying to you that it doesn’t exist – you won’t understand right now – it is better to say to you, “Give it to me, surrender it.” And you feel good that you can at least do something with your ego – you can surrender. It appeals to your logic.
It is like homeopathy; the illness is false, the medicine is false – just sugar pills, so nothing to be worried about. Whenever you are suffering from false diseases – and remember, out of one hundred, almost seventy-five percent are false – rather than torture my doctors in the Medical Center, go to Narendra Bodhisattva. He is the homeopath, although he has not been able to cure his own headache. He has suffered from headaches his whole life. He will not be able to cure himself – that is the difficulty – because he knows that all those pills are just sugar pills, but he helps others. He has helped many people, he has cured many people’s headaches, but he’s puzzled, “What is the matter? Why can’t I cure my own headache?”
That’s the difficulty with false medicines: if you know, they are useless. But you can cure others easily. That’s why there are so many “pathies.” Except for allopathy, all “pathies” are more or less psychological. But they have a great appeal for the simple reason that if you go to the allopath and your illness is false he will say, “It is all in your mind.” That does not feel good: “All in my mind?” You don’t like that idea at all. You immediately start looking for some ayurvedic physician. They are clever people – they have to be very clever. You start searching for some homeopath, some naturopath and there are hundreds of “pathies” available. And all “pathies” work, they all help, so as far as help is concerned they are all helpful.
If you go to the ayurvedic physician he will never say that it is in your mind, never. He will talk a lot about your disease, he will analyze the disease. He may even go to your past lives; he may look at your hand, he may read the lines; he may even ask you to bring your birth chart. Now this man seems to know what he is doing and that foolish allopathic doctor, he was simply saying, “It is in your head.” Now he is puffing up your ego. He is telling you that your disease is really very dangerous and it needs a long treatment; a very careful treatment and you need a real genius of a physician – and now you have come to the right person. He will be able to help you. He will give you all kinds of things which are really of no value, no medicinal value. But if you start believing in him… If you go to the homeopath he will ask your whole life history – he will give you three hours of his time.
Now people who suffer from false diseases also suffer from talking about their diseases. They like to talk about their diseases all the time. They magnify their diseases, they make them as big as possible. They have nothing else to brag about, but they have big diseases, great diseases. And the homeopath buttresses your ego.

I used to know a very famous homeopathic doctor, a certain Dr Mukherji. He was a famous homeopath all over India. For three days he would simply talk about your past diseases – from your very childhood when you were three years of age, as far back as you can remember. He would write down everything. And you are just suffering from a headache! He would go back to the age of three because he would say that a history begins there. “No disease is a separate phenomenon, it is a continuity.” It seems logical: “Everything is connected with everything else, nothing is discontinuous. Everything relates to everything else so unless we go to the roots…” He used to say, “I don’t touch the leaves, I go to the roots.”
Once I took my father to him. My father was very interested in homeopathy, so much so that when he started talking about his childhood he started talking about the childhood of his grandfather; he always started from there.
Dr. Mukherji looked a little worried. I laughed. I said, “Now you have the right patient. Now you will know – three days won’t do.”
My father always used to start from his grandfather’s illnesses, then his father’s illnesses, then his illnesses. It took almost ten days.
Dr. Mukherji met me one day in the garden. He said, “I am tired. Please take your father to some other doctor – he is a very dangerous person. I have never come across such a person, but I cannot say anything to him because he is following the homeopathic principle exactly. If one man’s life diseases are connected, then certainly the son’s diseases are connected with the father’s diseases and the father’s with the grandfather’s.”
I said, “You should be happy that he does not know anything about his other ancestors. He knows only up to his grandfather. Otherwise it would have taken years for him to come to his own illness.” And what was his illness? – for two or three days he had been suffering from a stomach upset. I knew what the reason was: he always used to suffer whenever he ate cucumbers. That was the simple reason – cucumbers, nothing else! No need to go back to the father and the grandfather.
I told Mukherji, “Now you know your homeopathic principle can be dangerous. You are a homeopathic doctor and he is a homeopathic patient – be patient! Listen silently to him. That’s why I have brought him to you – he will put you right. His problem is very simple, not connected at all with any disease; he has just eaten cucumbers and they always give him stomachache. It is as simple as that!”

Homeopathy helps you because it takes your illnesses very seriously and that’s what you want really, that’s exactly what your desire is: you want attention, and a doctor listening to you silently…
That’s the whole secret of psychoanalysis, particularly Freudian psychoanalysis. It helps the patient without doing anything; the psychotherapist just goes on listening. The patient goes on talking for months, for even years, and the doctor has to be very patient and just listen. Whether he listens or not, that is not the point. He has to pretend at least that he is listening very attentively; that helps.
The buddhas have devised many false methods. In fact, all methods are bound to be false because your spiritual illnesses are all false, because your spiritual being can never be ill. It is just your belief. Your belief has to be destroyed by something which can appeal to you in the mind in which you are right now.
Don’t be worried. You say: “I still don’t accept myself.” Why? What you have done? A few mistakes here and there. Maybe you lied once to somebody, maybe you deceived somebody. So what? This whole life is a drama and we are all actors. A little bit of cheating is perfectly okay – it makes life a little juicy, it gives life a little spice. Otherwise everybody just telling the truth…
That happens to a few foolish people who go through Encounter and Gestalt – this happens. They start telling the truth to anybody. Stupid people are stupid people – they won’t understand anything.
They write to me: “Osho, now I am in trouble. I have been through the Encounter Group and I have learned that one has to be authentic and one has to be true. So I told my wife that many times I feel like going with some other woman. Now there is great trouble – my life has become a nightmare. We are quarreling continuously. Before this Encounter Group everything was going smoothly. Now that it is finished, Teertha has gone, but the Encounter continues with my wife. And now there seems to be no end to it. What should I do now?”
You need not be so foolish. In an Encounter group be authentic – even if you have to lie, lie and be authentic. If you don’t know how to be authentic, pretend to be authentic, enjoy being authentic. But don’t carry this nonsense everywhere and don’t create troubles for yourself.
Just think: if even for twenty-four hours everybody on the earth decides to tell the exact truth, there will be no world – finished! Just think to yourself: twenty-four hours… Everybody telling the exact truth and nothing else… Nobody will be a friend; you will not find two friends in the whole world. Every couple will be divorced. Children will leave their parents, parents will leave their children. All will be finished! No customers will come to any shop. The world will come to a stop immediately – nirvana for the whole world in a single blow.
This world needs a few lies too. It makes life smooth, it helps. Lies are like lubricants.
Start accepting yourself as you are. Watch, be alert. Of course, ninety percent of it will be transformed – and the ten percent will become more skillful.

The fourth question:
How many British ladies are here?
Fortunately not many – only three. One is Prem Lisa, but she is new, very new and I hope she will melt. She gets very offended; whenever I say anything – lovingly – against the British, she gets offended.
Just the other day she wrote to me, “Osho, of course the Australians are such nice people. They were originally chosen by some of the best English judges.” Judges are never very nice people. Socrates was condemned by very nice Greek judges and sentenced to death. Jesus was also condemned by very nice judges – the highest rabbis and the greatest Roman magistrates and the governor – highly cultured people, well-educated. Jesus himself was uncultured, uneducated, just a carpenter’s son; he belonged to the proletariat. Pontius Pilate certainly belonged to the highest strata of society, but do you think that just because Pilate belonged to the highest strata of society – was one of the best Roman governors – he was right and Jesus was wrong? That Socrates was wrong and the judges, who were certainly the best judges of those days in Athens… And no city has ever seen such culture, such sophistication as Athens has seen. But who was right?
If you ask my preference, I am always for the poor criminals and sinners rather than for the saints and for the judges.
Yes, it is true that the first people to reach Australia were criminals, but so was the case with America. The first people to reach America were criminals, sinners because sinners and criminals are more courageous adventurous, people. They were not bourgeois. The bourgeoisie is never courageous and judges are always in the service of the vested interests.
Who knows really what is right and what is wrong?

Lao Tzu was once made a magistrate. Knowing that he was one of the wisest men in the country, the Chinese emperor appointed him a magistrate. He wanted to escape, he wanted to be forgotten, but the emperor was very insistent. He said, “No. You are the wisest man, you should be my greatest magistrate.”
He said, “Okay.” The first case came to court: a thief had been caught red-handed. Lao Tzu gave him six months jail and also gave six months jail to the rich man from whom he had stolen.
The rich man said, “Are you in your senses? Six months jail for me too? For what?”
Lao Tzu said, “In fact, I am being very lenient with you – you should get one year’s jail. You have accumulated the whole wealth of the town – you are the original criminal. This man comes only second. If you had not accumulated all the wealth, there would have been no need for him to steal. You have created the need to steal. In fact, you are the culprit.”
The rich man went to the emperor. He said, “What nonsense is this? Have you ever heard of this before? Is there any precedent?”
The king was also worried because if this rich man was a criminal, then what about the emperor? He immediately relieved Lao Tzu from his duties. He said “You may be a wise man, but you are not needed. You are not able to be a judge. A judge has to follow the rules.”
Lao Tzu said, “I am following the ultimate law.”
The king said, “There is no question of ultimate law. The law that I have decided, has to be followed.”
Lao Tzu said, “Your law is all nonsense. I follow Tao. You are also one of the criminals.”

Now who were these judges? Whom were they serving? Whom were they representing? – they were representing the vested interests.
But Lisa became angry. She is a British lady here. Even in the discourse she sits wearing dark sunglasses. I cannot even see her expression, her eyes – impossible. That’s very British-like! Now there is no need for sunglasses here. It is already too dark really; to see is difficult. People are writing to me, “Osho, we cannot see you. Should we start wearing glasses?” And Lisa is wearing dark sunglasses – it is impossible to see her eyes. That is very diplomatic and very British. But she will melt – she has fallen into my trap, now there is no exit. It will take time. It is a difficult thing for a British lady to melt and become a sannyasin. It is such a change, such a transformation.
The second British lady is Somendra. This British lady is not in the form of a lady, but I don’t look at the form, I look at the formless. This is the first time that he is laughing; otherwise I go on telling jokes and he goes on looking at the floor.
The third British lady is not yet a sannyasin so I cannot tell you her name, but she has been here for seven months, just thinking whether to take sannyas or not – “to be or not to be…” Seems to be very Shakespearean! Seven months… And I don’t think that even seven years will be enough. I cannot tell you her name because unless somebody becomes a sannyasin I remain very polite, very British with the non-sannyasin, very mannerly. I talk about the climate and the weather, etcetera; I don’t talk about true matters. Once you are a sannyasin I start showing my true colors. So I am waiting. But she is also taking such a long time, even my patience is coming to a point… Even I have started doubting whether I can wait anymore. Should I drop the very idea?

Several thousand football fans turned up to watch the match between the elephants and the insects. For the first half, the insect team came out onto the field with only ten members and the match was a slaughterhouse. By the time the whistle blew for half-time, the elephants were winning by ten goals to nil.
When the second half of the game was resumed, the eleventh member of the insect team – a centipede – took the field and the entire match changed completely. The centipede whipped through the elephant defense time and time again. When the final whistle blew, the insects had won by three hundred and ninety-nine goals to ten. As the players marched off the field, the elephant captain strolled up to the insect captain.
“How come you didn’t bring your star player on in the first half?” he asked.
“Ah, well,” explained the insect captain, “it takes him so long to get his boots on!”

So I am waiting. This lady seems to be a centipede, a British centipede. She is just getting ready, getting ready, getting ready… She goes on writing to me, “What to do? Should I take sannyas or not?” I cannot say to her, “Take,” because this is such a risky thing, I don’t want to take the responsibility. If a Britisher comes on his own, it is okay. Because it is not an easy job – even after sannyas it is going to be a difficult thing. If it takes seven months to decide whether to take sannyas or not, how many years will it take to be really one with me; to be in tune with me; to understand the humor, the laughter, the joy, the bliss, the music, the poetry that prevails here?

The fifth question:
Do you use your mind when you speak in discourse?
What discourse? You call this discourse? And what mind? One can easily see that whatever I utter is absolutely mindless. I am a madman. What mind?

A madman arrived at the house of another and knocked at the door. The man opened the window from above and shouted down, “I’m not at home!”
The madman below looked up and said, “Well, then I’m glad I didn’t come!”

And the last question:
Will you please tell a few jokes about the Portuguese? We poor Portuguese sannyasins feel completely ignored by you.
From today it will not be so.

Late one night, Manuel, staggering home drunk, passed through a cemetery, stumbled and fell on the ground.
Just in front of his nose he saw a hand sticking out of a grave and a voice cried, “Help me! Help me! Let me out – I’m alive!
The Portuguese shakily covering the hand with earth, replied, “No, you’re not alive – just badly buried.”

A bunch of Portuguese rogues enter a bank.
“Hands up, everybody!” shouts Joachim, the chief. “This is a holdup! Manuel, lock everybody in the toilets. Antonio, bring the manager here.”
The manager is brought trembling to Joachim who asks him for the key of the safe.
“Please, for God’s sake, don’t kill me. I’ve left the key at home.” cries the manager.
“Don’t worry, man,” replies Joachim. “It’s only the rehearsal today – tomorrow is the real thing!”

A Portuguese enters a hospital and says, “Doctor, I want to have my testicles removed.”
Shocked, the doctor asks, “Have you really given this decision your full consideration?”
“Yes, doctor, I’ve really decided. I want my testicles removed.”
So the doctor operates on him.
Weeks later, fully recovered, Manuel visits his friend who asks him, “So, Manuel, did you follow my advice? Have you had your tonsils removed?”
“Oh, my God!” cries Manuel. “Was it ‘tonsils’?”

A Portuguese was on his first flight – Lisbon to Rio.
As the plane was ready to take off, the voice of the pilot came through the speakers: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard our Jumbo Boeing 747. Our plane is equipped with the most modern and sophisticated equipment for your comfort and security. We have three hundred and eighty passengers aboard, a crew of twenty-five people and thirty tons of cargo. We have two super-equipped kitchens that can provide five hundred meals, two bars, twelve toilets, a gambling hall, two cinemas with two hundred seats, a TV for each passenger, and on the upper floor a disco with an orchestra of twenty musicians.
“Now, please, fasten your belts, extinguish your cigarettes and say your prayers – we are trying to take off with all this junk.”

Manuel and Joaquim were hunting in the Amazon jungle when suddenly a wild animal appeared. Scared, they started to run away, but the animal followed them. Finally Manuel climbed a tree while Joaquim started running around the tree.
From the top of the tree, Manuel shouted, “Aie, Joaquim, the beast is almost on you.”
“Don’t worry, Manuel,” replied Joaquim, “I’m two rounds ahead of him!”

Enough for today.

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