The Wild Geese & Water 05

Fifth Discourse from the series of 14 discourses - The Wild Geese & Water by Osho.
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The first question:
Please talk about the Antichrist and tell us what it could be. I have always heard it being commented upon with great fear and with no explanation. People don't know what it is and yet they fear it.
The priest has lived as a parasite; he has been sucking people’s blood – and his whole trade secret is creating fear. All the religions have been fear-oriented. When I say, all the religions, I don’t include Gautam the Buddha, Jesus Christ, Zarathustra, Mahavira, or Lao Tzu. These individuals don’t belong to any religion at all. Religions are a collective phenomenon, and the moment a collectivity, a crowd, gathers around a dogma, immediately exploitation starts.
The buddhas, the awakened ones, have not created any religions. It is an absolutely wrong notion, prevalent all over the world, that Gautam Buddha founded Buddhism, or Jesus Christ founded Christianity. It is absolutely wrong; nothing can be more wrong than that. Christianity is created by people of a totally different caliber – the unawakened ones, but cunning, clever – the priests.
Priests are the most cunning people in the world; even politicians are not as cunning. The priests even exploit the politicians. The priest is the real Antichrist, anti-Buddha, anti-Mahavira – anti-truth in a sense. The priest lives on lies, he fabricates lies. He is clever enough to exploit human misery, human fear, human greed, human possessiveness, human weakness as such.
For example, every man is born with fear; it is natural. In the mother’s womb the child is absolutely fearless; there is nothing to be afraid of. He is absolutely taken care of by existence itself; there is no worry, no anxiety, no fear. But the moment he comes out of the womb, even passing through the passage from the womb into the world, fear starts arising; he feels suffocated. The canal that he has to pass through is narrow. He feels cramped, he feels as if he is being murdered, killed.
To the child itself, birth is just like death – or even worse because when you die you simply die; there is nothing much to it; you stop breathing. But when a child is born he starts breathing, he becomes alive, and he finds himself in a very strange situation – upside-down, coming out head first. And he is losing his beautiful home. The womb has been so warm, so comfortable, that psychologists say that man searches again and again for the same comfort, the same luxury, the same warmth.
We have created houses, palaces, just because of the memory of the womb. We make them as cozy as possible, we make them as comfortable as possible, and yet there is nothing like the womb. Whatsoever you do, you will have to worry about a thousand and one things; you will have to take care of yourself. Even the greatest emperor is not as fearless as the smallest child in his mother’s womb, the poorest child.
Fear is part of the very birth process, and the first thing that a child is going to do is scream, cry. He has been uprooted from such a warm, loving, cozy atmosphere, and has been thrown into a world so cold, so alien – fear has entered.
With fear enters greed; greed is the other side of the same coin. Greed means accumulating everything that will help you to remain fearless. If money can help, then accumulate money; if power can help, then be powerful – or whatsoever it is. To protect yourself against fear, greed starts growing, and religions have exploited both instincts. Fear has become hell; greed has become heaven – these are projections.
Every child is very weak, delicate, vulnerable. He can be crushed just like a roseflower; he can be killed very easily. He depends on his parents, on his family, on the society; he is not independent.
His dependence has been exploited by the priests – hence the idea of God the protector, the almighty. If you worship him, if you pray to him, if you buttress him, if you praise him, he will protect you. If you don’t praise him, beware, you are in danger. You will be left behind all alone; God will not be with you.
People praying in churches, in temples, in mosques, are not religious people. A religious person has nothing to do with prayer; or if he has something to do with prayer, his prayer has a totally different meaning. His prayer is never out of greed, out of fear, that much is absolutely certain. His prayer is nothing but pure gratitude, no desire in it. He is not asking for something, he is not asking for more – he is not asking at all.
He is simply thanking because whatsoever has been given to him is more than he deserves. His heart is full of gratitude, tremendous gratefulness. In fact, no word is needed to express it; his very heartbeat expresses his gratitude. He is in prayer twenty-four hours a day – walking, sitting, sleeping, the prayer continues like an undercurrent. He need not go to a temple to pray, only irreligious people go.
But the larger part of humanity is full of fear, full of greed, full of anguish – the anguish that death is standing there. Any moment it can jump upon you, and you need a protector, an almighty protector.
Just see the word almighty, ponder over it. Man feels absolutely powerless; hence an almighty God is needed. Man feels ignorant; hence an omniscient God is needed. Man feels weak; hence an omnipotent God is needed. Man feels limited; hence an omnipresent God is needed. These are projections, and the priests have been using them in all possible ways, in all possible combinations.
There is an ancient story…

A disciple of the Devil came running, and said to the Devil, “What are you doing here? Our whole business is at risk – just now a man has found truth on earth. We should go and do something. If he spreads the message we will lose all our clients, all our customers!”
The Devil laughed and said, “You are new! You don’t know that there is no need to worry at all. I know one man has found the truth, but I need not go there. My agents are already there.”
The disciple said, “But I have not seen any of your agents there, I have not seen any of my colleagues there.”
The Devil said, “My agents are in disguise. The priests that are chanting mantras around the man, they are my agents! They have reached him. Now they will stand between him and the people. They will become the interpreters, they will distort the truth; they will create a thousand and one mythologies around it, they will create many fictions.”

Your so-called religions are nothing but religious fictions. Just as there are science fictions there are religious fictions. Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism are all creations of the priests – the agents of the Devil.
Mahavira is not the founder of Jainism. In fact, the story is that Mahavira himself never spoke, he remained silent. But there were people who used to speak, and they would say that they were in an inner communion with Mahavira: Mahavira was speaking to them in a subtle language which could not be heard by anybody else except them and they were making it available to the people. These people were called ganadharas, apostles of Mahavira. They created the whole structure of Jainism; Mahavira had nothing to do with it.
I used to know such a man. In this very city, just a few years ago, lived one of the most glorious men who has ever walked on the earth; his name was Meher Baba. For thirty-three years he remained silent; he lived in silence for thirty-three years and died in silence.
But one man, Adi K. Irani, used to tell people what Baba was saying to him, what he was communicating to him in some invisible way. Irani has written all the books which you come across in the name of Meher Baba. Now, this is the priest – and the priests are very crafty.
You are asking me, “Please talk about the Antichrist.” The priest is the Antichrist, the pope is the Antichrist, these thousands of Catholic and Protestant missionaries, these are the Antichrists. The Antichrist has already happened. The first Antichrist was Peter, who founded the church. In fact, far more harm has been done by Peter, the first pope, than by Judas. Judas helped Christ’s work immensely. If Judas had not sold Jesus Christ to his enemies you may not have ever heard his name. It is because of the crucifixion that Jesus became part of human consciousness. Judas was not really his enemy.
In fact, George Gurdjieff used to tell a very beautiful story – of course, his own invention. But people like George Gurdjieff, even if they invent stories, their stories have immense significance. He used to say that Judas did sell Jesus for thirty pieces of silver – only for thirty pieces of silver – to the enemies, on the behest of Jesus Christ himself. It was his order; he told Judas. And of course, being a devoted disciple he could not say no. With tears in his eyes and with a crying heart, he followed the commandment. And it seems a little bit relevant too because when Jesus was crucified all the disciples escaped, they all ran away. Nobody suffered as much as Judas. Judas committed suicide the next day – within twenty-four hours. He could not live without Jesus Christ.
It is a story, but one thing has to be meditated upon – that Judas has not harmed the cause of Jesus, he is not the Antichrist; but the so-called followers, the people who established Christianity, they are the Antichrist.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, one of the greatest novelists ever to have existed in the world, in his beautiful book, Brothers Karamazov, wrote a parable which has multidimensional meaning…

After eighteen hundred years, one day – a Sunday of course – Jesus thought, “It is now time for me to go back and to see how my people are doing on earth. Eighteen hundred years ago when I was there I was alone, I had to start from scratch. And, of course, the Jews were against me because I was saying things which went against their tradition, their orthodoxy. It was natural that they felt offended and they killed me. Now almost half the earth is Christian – this is the time for me to go. Now they will receive me, welcome me, they will open their hearts to me. Now the right moment has come.”
He chose one Sunday morning, descended into the marketplace in the small town of Bethlehem. People gathered around, villagers started laughing, giggling. They said, “This man looks just like Jesus Christ!”
Jesus said to them, “What are you saying? I don’t look like Jesus Christ, I am Jesus Christ!”
They all laughed and they said, “It would be better if you escaped from here because soon the church service will be over, and once the bishop comes out… If he finds you pretending to be Jesus you will be in trouble, that much we can say.”
Jesus said, “But he is my bishop, he’s doing my work. If you cannot recognize me, at least he will recognize me!” And he waited.
People laughed and joked. They were thinking, “He is a good actor, and doing perfectly well – looks exactly like Jesus.”
Jesus tried to convince them, but they were not ready to listen. Then he waited. The bishop was bound to recognize him. And he was the archbishop. He came out of the church, a crowd of the so-called Christians following him. The moment he saw this young man looking exactly like Jesus, he shouted, “Get down!” – he was standing on a podium under a tree – “Get down immediately!” And he told his people, “Arrest this fellow! This is sacrilegious – somebody pretending to be Jesus – he cannot be forgiven!”
Jesus said, “Don’t you recognize me?”
And the bishop was very angry, and said, “Yes, I recognize you.”
He was chained, imprisoned, taken to the church and thrown into a dark cell. He could not believe what was happening, “My own people…”
In the middle of the night the archbishop came with a candle in his hands, fell down on the earth at the feet of Jesus and said, “I did recognize you, but I could not recognize you in a public place. You would destroy our whole business. Forgive me, and listen to my advice. You are no longer needed – we are doing perfectly well – and if you don’t take my advice, we will have to crucify you again.”
Jesus could not believe his eyes, his ears, what he was seeing, what he was hearing. He said, “You belong to me, you serve me, you pray to me. I have seen you kneeling down before my statue. And now I am here alive in front of you, and you say you have recognized me – and still you don’t want me to appear before the people?”
The archbishop said, “No. I cannot allow you to appear before the people because you are a dangerous fellow. You will again disturb the whole establishment. In eighteen hundred years, with great effort, somehow we have been able to manage. I say to you that even the rabbis of old, when you came the first time, must have recognized you – they were learned people. They must have recognized that you are the only begotten son of God, but they had to crucify you just to save their own skin, otherwise you would have destroyed everything.
“Right now I can see why they had to crucify you. If you don’t listen to my advice, tomorrow morning we will have to crucify you. We cannot allow you to interfere any more. Whatsoever you want to do you can do through us. We are the mediators, people have to reach you through us. You have to reach the people through us. You cannot avoid it, you cannot bypass us.”

This too is a parable. I don’t think Jesus would ever dare to come back again; it is not possible. Once is enough.
You say, “Please talk about the Antichrist, and tell us what it could be.” The priest – and nobody else. There is no Devil other than the priest, and the priest exists in all shapes, all sizes, all forms, all colors – whatsoever you need. Each according to his need, each according to his capacity – and the priest is available to fulfill everybody’s need. The pope, the ayatollah, the shankaracharya – these are different forms of the same phenomenon.
The people who have experienced truth are christs, and the people who are exploiting in the name of their truth are the Antichrists. To me, Christ is not a person. Jesus is a person. Christ only symbolizes the ultimate flowering of one’s consciousness.
In fact, the word christ comes from the Sanskrit word krishna. Krishna has traveled into different countries, and by and by, the moment it reached Aramaic, the language that Jesus spoke, it became christ. Even in one Indian language, Bengali, Krishna is called Christo. And from christo to christ, the word did not have to travel too far.
Christ simply means krishna. Christ simply means the ultimate flowering of consciousness, the one-thousand-petaled lotus opening. Jesus is only one of the christs; there have been many before him. Abraham was one, Moses was one, Lao Tzu was one, Chuang Tzu was one, Zarathustra was one, Krishna was one, Buddha was one. And after Christ there have been many christs – Nanak, Kabir, Al-Hillaj Mansoor, Saint Francis, Eckhart, Ramakrishna, Raman – there is a long line of enlightened people. You can call all of them christs.
In the East we call that state buddhahood, in the West it is called christ consciousness. Christ consciousness means a fully awakened state. Then who is the Antichrist? – the person who is absolutely unconscious. And I have not come across people who are more unconscious than the priests and more dangerous than the priests.
The priest is the ugliest phenomenon on the earth because he exploits your very opportunity to be religious. He gives you a pseudo kind of religion. He is a cheat, he is a hypocrite; he has done every kind of wrong to humanity. Of course he knows the art of doing it, the knack of doing it. He camouflages his acts with beautiful words. He spins and weaves beautiful theories, theologies, but if you go deep inside you will find nothing there – no truth at all, no silence, no love, no godliness.
All religions have been fighting each other tooth and nail, murdering each other, destroying each other – Christians destroying Mohammedans, Mohammedans destroying Hindus, Hindus destroying Buddhists – the whole earth is full of blood in the name of religion. Everybody’s hands are absolutely bloody in the name of beautiful words. The priest talks about love and creates hatred; talks about forgiveness and enrages people, creates anger and violence; talks about godliness, but whatsoever he does serves only the purposes of the Devil. His words are full of light, but his acts are full of darkness. And it needs no argumentation – the whole history is full of it.
Who crucified Jesus Christ? – the Jewish priests, the rabbis. Who crucified al-Hillaj Mansoor? – the Mohammedan imams, the Mohammedan priests. Who made many efforts to kill Gautam the Buddha? – the Hindu brahmins. Many efforts were made to kill him; they could not succeed but that is another matter. Efforts were made to kill Mahavira too – this has been always so. Still today the story is the same; nothing has changed. The priest goes on doing the same stupid act. And people are so conditioned they can’t even see what is being done to them.
You say, “I have always heard it being commented upon with great fear, and yet with no explanation. People don’t know what it is and yet they fear it.” In fact, if you want people to fear something, you have not to give any explanation. Because once something is explained, fear disappears. The moment you know something, fear disappears. Fear exists only with ignorance. Knowing functions like light and dispels darkness. Hence science has helped immensely to destroy fear.
You can see it – look into the Vedas and your so-called great seers, rishis – and remember, I am only calling them so-called because more than that they are not. They are praying to some unknown god, Indra, the god of clouds, lightning and thunder. Whenever there is thunder and lightning, they fall on their knees and start praying to the god Indra because they think that Indra is angry, that’s why there’s lightning, “He wants to destroy us.” The thunder is a threat.
Now nobody is bothered by Indra – nobody is afraid of lightning. Now we know the secret of electricity. Now it is Indra who is sitting inside this fan. And he is doing a thousand and one things: cooking your food, turning your fan – all kinds of things. Who is going to worship Indra sitting inside a fan? Now nobody takes any note of Indra. Indra is as dead as one can be dead.
The seers of the Vedas were very frightened. Ignorance is fear. Hence, no explanation has to be given. Even if some explanation is found, it has to be kept secret. That’s why all religions have tried to ensure that the language of those religions should not be understood by the people, by the ordinary people. The Hindu brahmin has insisted that Sanskrit is the only divine language – devavani – it is the language of the gods. It should not be polluted by ordinary people; only the scholars, the pundits, the knowledgeable people, the priests, should know about it. And of course when they start chanting in Sanskrit, you feel mystified because you don’t understand what they are saying. They may be saying sheer stupid things, just nonsense – abracadabra – but because you can’t understand you feel mystified.
They were very angry with Buddha and Mahavira because they were the two people, in India in particular, who started a totally new tradition, a new beginning because they started talking in the language of the people. The Brahmins could not forgive them; they destroyed their whole mystery. They were creating much noise with their Sanskrit chanting. If you translate it, it’s absolutely meaningless; there is not much in it. Ninety-nine percent of their Sanskrit mantras are just ordinary; it is very rare to find a real diamond.
Buddha spoke the language of the people, he discarded Sanskrit and chose Pali, which was the language of the people. Mahavira chose Prakrit, the language of the people. The same was done by Jesus Christ, and the rabbis were not happy. Hebrew is the divine language and Jesus started speaking in the language of the people, Aramaic. That means you are demystifying. And if people start understanding each and every thing, how will you create fear in them? They have to be kept afraid.
You say, “I have always heard it being commented upon with great fear, and yet with no explanation.” There is no contradiction in it. An explanation cannot be given; any explanation will be dangerous – the fear will be gone.
Science demystifies; hence science makes men stronger.
You say, “People don’t know what it is and yet they fear it.” That’s why they fear it – because they don’t understand what it is. The unknown always makes one afraid.
Secrets have to be kept secret from people if you want to exploit them. Then you have to create much mumbo jumbo, much smoke, so nobody can see what is actually happening. You have to keep people blind, then you can do everything – and they have done everything.
In India, prostitution has existed in the temples in the name of God. And when prostitution exists in the name of God it is not prostitution at all – it is something sacred. You just have to give it a beautiful name. The prostitutes of the temples were called devadasis – servants of God. In fact, they were serving only the priests; they were sexually exploited by the priests and the rich customers who could pay. But this smoke was created that they were serving God, and then prostitution continued in India in the name of religion.
In fact, in many parts of this country it was a tradition, a convention which had to be followed, and people followed it religiously that when one got married, his wife first had to sleep with the god in the temple. The first night, the real honeymoon, had to be with the god. Of course, it was a religious thing! God should initiate the woman into the secrets of love. And the god was nothing but a stone statue – behind the statue was hidden the priest…

Pouring out his troubles to his great and good friend over a couple of triple martinis, Brad had to confess that things were not going too well at home.
“My wife and I just don’t hit it off at night,” he was saying to Bart. “I hate to admit it, but I am afraid I just don’t know how to make her happy.”
“Hell boy,” said Bart, “there is really nothing to it. Let me give you some advice. At bedtime, switch on a new Sinatra recording, turn all the lights low and spray some perfume around the room. Next, tell your wife to get into her sheerest nightie; then make sure you raise the bottom window.”
“Then what do I do?” asked Brad.
“Just whistle.”
“That’s right. I will be waiting outside the window. When I hear you whistle, I will come right up and finish the job.”

That’s what the priest was doing hidden behind the god. For thousands of years this continued; in a few places it still continues.
Now, if you give explanations, then everything will be destroyed. Explanations are not to be given; things have to be kept hidden. Things have to be kept in such a way that nobody even suspects what is going on. In the name of religion all kinds of exploitation, oppression, slavery, has happened.
The Antichrist is nothing but your unconscious state. Become conscious and you become christs. Remember, I don’t want any Christians in the world, I don’t want any Hindus in the world. Enough is enough! We are tired of all these people. They have done too much harm, they have wounded humanity immensely. They have made the whole humanity sick. What they have done is nauseating.
They have driven humanity into a state of schizophrenia because they have created guilt. That is their only contribution to the world – guilt. They have created more and more guilt in people because whenever you create guilt, you become powerful. The guilty person starts feeling afraid – fear of punishment – in this life, in the other life, or in the beyond. Then he has to take the help of the priest who knows the secrets: how to bribe God; how to help you pass through; how to help you avoid hell and hellfire; how to arrange for you a beautiful place in paradise so you can enjoy their streams of wine and beautiful young women, apsaras.
The priest does not want you to become conscious. He is against consciousness because consciousness will make you a christ, a buddha, not a Christian, not a Buddhist.
That’s my whole purpose here – my sannyasins are not to be followers, imitators, but independent, conscious human beings. You are not to imitate me, you are not to repeat me, you are not to collect more and more information from me. You have to learn only one thing: how to be more conscious, how to be more an individual, independent, absolutely independent. Freedom is the only taste of real religion. Wherever slavery exists in the name of religion, the Antichrist is at work – and wherever freedom exists, a christ is at work.
You can be a christ, you have the potential, all the potential. Every man is born to be a buddha; if he misses the point it is his own unintelligence. And the most unintelligent thing a person can do is to be conditioned by others. Remain unconditioned. Yes, it is difficult because the child is so helpless he has to follow the parents. But you are not a child forever; a day comes when you become independent. The moment you are independent from your parents, drop all the conditioning that your parents have given to you.
Jesus says one thing which will look very strange to you – and particularly from the mouth of Jesus who says, on the one hand, “Love your enemy just like yourself.” Not only that, he even says, “Love your neighbor just like yourself” – which is even far more difficult. In fact, enemies and neighbors are not different people, they are the same people. It is easier to love your enemy; it is far more difficult to love your neighbor. But Jesus says even that: “Love your neighbor.” This is on the one hand. And the same man says, “Unless you hate your parents, you cannot follow me.” Very strange.
Buddha goes even a step further. He says, “Unless you kill your parents, you cannot follow me.” Now, Buddha is one of the most nonviolent persons in the whole history of humanity, who will not even kill an ant, not even a cockroach, not even a mosquito. And he says, “Unless you kill your parents, you cannot follow me.”
What he means is not to be taken literally. He is saying that unless you drop all the conditionings that your parents have put inside you, unless the mother and the father disappear from your inner world totally, you will not be able to grow, to become mature, you will not be really alive.
Be free from all conditionings and you are capable of being a buddha or a christ.

The second question:
Christ and five million Christians carrying their crosses! Buddha and ten million Buddhists carrying their lotus flowers.
One wonders, can we escape the risks of imitation in this amazing game you have created?
Anand Dharmesh, It is impossible to imitate me. I am taking every care that if you try to imitate me you will fall like Humpty Dumpty – and then nobody can put you together, not even me.
It is impossible to imitate me for the simple reason that I am so inconsistent, so self-contradictory, that it is impossible to follow me. In the morning I will say, “Go north!” In the afternoon I will say, “Go south!” By the evening I have changed the whole idea – “Go to the west!” How can you follow me?
Christ can be followed because his message is small and very consistent. Buddha can be followed; he is a very logical thinker. I am absolutely illogical. It is for a certain purpose: it is one of my devices, so that you cannot imitate. You cannot even write a treatise on me; you cannot make any sense of all that I have been saying to you. It is pure nonsense – or, if you allow me to coin a new word, it is pure non-zense!
You have to be on your own, I cannot supply you any philosophy. I have none. Many times people have approached me, that it would be good if I could write a small book just like a Christian catechism, just the essential core of my philosophy. But I said, “I don’t have any philosophy, and there is no essential core to it. You can rely on me only for one thing, that I am not going to give you any philosophy.” It gives me absolute freedom, I don’t have to remember what I said yesterday. I can live in the moment, for the moment. I can say whatsoever comes with no preparation, with no idea. Even I am surprised sometimes. Sometimes I say inside myself, “Man, what are you saying?” I cannot even imitate myself, how can you imitate? It is impossible.

Wayne Edward Innis has asked:
You call homosexuality a perversion. That keeps me awake at night and makes me feel like a sick, twisted sinner.
Now, Innis, don’t get unnecessarily disturbed. Homosexuality is not a perversion. It is really a very progressive step. It simply shows the inventiveness of human beings. It shows their multidimensionality. Poor animals are always heterosexual, they don’t know that something else can be done. It shows man’s freedom, he can choose even his sexuality: to be heterosexual or to be homosexual, or to be bisexual, or to be celibate, to go beyond sexuality – all possibilities. You need not be worried.
How are you going to imitate me? One day, certainly, I said that homosexuality is a perversion. Today I change my idea. And it is my own idea, I am absolutely free to change it. I am not responsible to anybody, I am not answerable to anybody. It is just my idea. That moment it was so, this moment it is not so. And I cannot guarantee for tomorrow.
You cannot imitate me, that’s impossible, Anand Dharmesh. Try, and you will find it impossible. I am so illogical. A certain logic is needed to create a following; you have to convince people intellectually that this is the best thing to do. I never convince anybody, I never try to convince you intellectually. Contagious certainly I am, but not convincing.
I am crazy, and only a few crazy people feel attuned with me. What can I do about it? Crazy people are never followers; crazy people are always independent people. In fact, that’s why they are thought to be crazy, eccentric – they are so centered in themselves. Others think they are eccentric because they are not following the mob psychology, the crowd – they always go astray. That’s what the crowd thinks – they are going astray. They are simply going their own way; they are trying to find a new path.
And it is always good to find your own path. Even if you go wrong it is good to follow a new path rather than to be right but on a trodden path. To be on the trodden path, just like on a superhighway, is ugly – it is inhuman, it is destructive of individuality, it destroys your very soul. It is better to go astray. It is better to go into the jungle and get lost, than to follow somebody who pretends to be knowledgeable because one learns by mistakes, one learns by errors. All that I can suggest to you is: never commit the same mistake twice. Find new mistakes, invent new mistakes, and you will be growing, and you will be flowering.
Truth is found only by those who are ready to risk because the only way to truth is via trial and error – there is no other way. There are no superhighways.
But Hindus, Mohammedans, Jainas, Buddhists, Christians, they all believe there are superhighways – not only that there are superhighways, they say, “Ours is the only authentic superhighway – a German autobahn. Others are just muddy tracks.”
You cannot follow me because I am not serious. To create a following you need to be very serious, and I cannot afford that. I could have created a great following, it is so simple – so many gullible fools are available in the whole world, millions of fools are available. You can gather a following very easily. You just have to do a few things: you have to be very serious. That I cannot do; I cannot lose my laughter…

Pope John Paul dies, and he stands in front of heaven’s gate calling Saint Peter, the doorman of paradise.
“Who is there?” asks Saint Peter.
“John Paul.”
“Which John Paul?”
“Why, the pope! Open at once!”
“What do you mean – the pope?”
“Well, your successor – the head of Christianity, you know? Rome – Vaticano?”
Saint Peter starts roaring with laughter. He yells to Christ, “Hey Jesus! Do you remember that silly joke we played on the planet earth people two thousand years ago? Well, they are still into it!”

You cannot follow me. I am saying it is all a joke right now, not after two thousand years; that will be too late!

God was in the habit of receiving each person coming to heaven personally at the gate; but when Osho died and went to heaven, God changed his habit and sent Saint Peter to the gate to receive him.
Saint Peter was puzzled, “Why this sudden change?”
God was very afraid and said, “If I leave my chair free, this guy will run in, sit there, and I shall never get it back again!”

The last question:
I am going to Italy tomorrow.
Can you tell me a few jokes so that I can carry them with me to Italy?
I am always ready to tell jokes.

All the girls of the whorehouse went off for the day leaving Gina to watch the business. When they returned in the evening, they asked her how it had been.
“Woww! First-a there came-a the Catholic-a Men’s Choir, then a hockey team-a, then twenty-a lumberjacks. After that-a, it gotta really busy. But-a I ran-a from room-a to room-a and served them all-a!”
“Jesus! You must be really wiped out,” said the others.
“Eh,” said Gina, “my feet-a are really killing me-a from all-a that-a running about!”

Gina Lottabazooma, the shapely Italian screen siren, was put under contract by a Hollywood studio and brought to the U.S. to make an epic Western.
“I absolutely refuse to play this scene,” she exclaimed.
“But, Gina,” explained the director, “all you have to do is point out the direction the outlaws took when the sheriff and his posse ride up to you.”
“I know,” said the star, “but have you read the screen action in the script?”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, how I am supposed to point,” snapped the star. “It says here that I am to place both hands behind my back, take a deep breath, turn north and say, ‘They went thataway’!”

Think over it later on. When you are back in Italy, then think over it. Maybe it takes a little time for you to laugh.
Italians make good jokes for others; they themselves never get the point. It needs a little brain to get a joke. And I have looked in many Italian brains and I find only spaghetti!
Enough for today.

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