The Osho Upanishad 19

Nineteenth Discourse from the series of 44 discourses - The Osho Upanishad by Osho.
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As I see it, the situation is as follows: you are, and we are not. Or to be more precise, you aren't, and we still are. It seems that the master-disciple relationship is really a kindness on your part to describe, in flattering terms, what is essentially our failure to hear what you have said – more often, more clearly, and more lovingly than any disciples in history could have possibly been blessed with. If, in some way, there is a problem with the process, that problem can only be ours – irrefutably, undeniably and totally ours. Osho, isn't taking this responsibility unto ourselves, rather than projecting our expectations onto you, the very first step?
Responsibility is always the very first step of freedom. Throwing the responsibility on somebody else’s shoulders is throwing away the opportunity for freedom. You cannot divide the two, they are inseparably one.
It is true that the whole responsibility is of the disciple – the master is only a catalytic agent, an excuse. But to accept responsibility needs guts – everybody wants freedom, nobody wants responsibility. And the trouble is that they always go together. If you do not want responsibility, you will be enslaved in some way or other.
The slavery can be spiritual – which is the worst kind of slavery possible. The political slavery, the economic slavery, are superficial; you can revolt against them very easily. But the spiritual slavery is so deep that even the idea of revolting against it does not arise, for the simple reason that this slavery is there because you have asked for it. Other slaveries are imposed on you; you can throw them away – they are against you. This slavery, the spiritual slavery, appears not to be against you but a tremendous consolation – a consolation that your responsibility has been taken over by somebody who knows; now you need not worry. But along with the responsibility, you have lost freedom also.
And every expectation is a bondage; it leads to frustration sooner or later. It is destined to turn into frustration – no expectation can be fulfilled because nobody is obliged to fulfill your expectations; he has his own expectations.
The master-disciple relationship is not a relationship of expectations. Expectation is the poison that destroys all other relationships. Your love turns into hate the moment there is expectation. Friendship becomes enmity. Just the magic of expectation turns everything beautiful into ugliness.
But your whole life is full of expectations. Your mind knows nothing but to expect. Hence when you come to a master your mind brings its expectations, its habits, its old routine. And there are people who pretend to be masters. This has to be the criterion: If anybody is ready to fulfill your expectations he is not a master, he is simply exploiting you.
No master can say, “I am going to fulfill your expectations.” He can only say, “I am going to destroy all your expectations” – because unless your expectations are destroyed, your old rotten mind cannot be destroyed. Your old habits which are hindering the growth of your being cannot be removed.
The authentic master does not take any responsibility. It is a very strange thing; you would have thought otherwise, that the compassionate master must accept your expectations and try to fulfill them.
In reality only a charlatan – at the most a teacher – can enjoy the idea of being a savior, a prophet, a messenger. Only someone who is taking advantage of your weakness can say to you, “Just believe in me and you are saved” – be a Christian and you are saved, be a Hindu and you are saved; surrender all your responsibility to Krishna or to Christ and you will be saved. It looks very cheap, very simple; you are not losing anything and gaining everything.
That’s why a man like Jesus Christ could say to you, “I am the shepherd and you are my sheep.” And not a single man stood and opposed him – “What are you saying? You are insulting our humanity. You are the shepherd, and we are just the sheep!” But for two thousand years not a single Christian has raised his hand to say that “I am not ready to become a sheep” – for the simple reason that he is ready to be humiliated, because Jesus is saying, “If you are my sheep I will save you. You have nothing else to do but to be a sheep.”
Nobody thinks about the fact that by reducing human beings to sheep you are not saving them, you are destroying them. You are destroying their integrity, you are destroying their self-respect and you are making them slaves. And the bargain is a promised paradise after death.
Nobody comes back to say if these saviors are helping anybody or if they have just cheated, lied, exploited and destroyed human dignity. And you rejoiced, because all responsibility was taken by them. The bargain was not bad; you just have to be a sheep, a believer. You just have to be a follower. You are not to be yourself, you have to be just a shadow. You have not to walk a path on your own, alone; you have to follow the footprints.
Kahlil Gibran has a beautiful story:

A man used to teach: “I am the savior. Whoever is ready, just come and follow me.” But people have so many other things to do – somebody is going to get married, somebody’s wife is pregnant, somebody’s father is dying, somebody’s business is going into bankruptcy. People think, “Some day, when everything is settled, we are going to follow; right now it is difficult.”
The man went on from town to town, city to city, declaring, “I am the savior. Whoever wants to be saved, just come and follow me.” People listened, nobody objected – because the man was saying, “If you have any doubt just come and follow me and you will see that you are saved” – but everybody was busy.
A life is such that it is never complete. A thousand and one things are always incomplete. If death were to wait for you to complete your things, nobody would have ever died. But death simply comes, without giving even a week’s notice. So you have to leave all things incomplete.
But when it is a question of your choice, you would like first to clean up the whole mess that you have made of your life – which you can never clean, because it is you who is the maker of it. Even by cleaning it you will be making more mess – sorting it out, you will get more time to create a few more stupid things: you will start loving the neighbor’s wife; one wife was mess enough, now there are two women. And life is so accidental that nobody knows what shape it is going to take the next moment.
So the man remained the savior, became very famous – a great savior – for the simple reason that nobody was ready to follow him immediately.
But in one city there was trouble. One young man, who was always a troublemaker, stood up and said, “I am coming.”
The savior looked at him and felt that now there was trouble. He himself had no idea what saving means – but one has to save one’s face. He said, “My son, come on.”
He said, “I am coming, and I will follow you till my last breath.” And he was young and very healthy – a wrestler-type – and the savior was getting old. Days started passing, and the savior could not sleep because of the worry, and the young man would sleep soundly, snoring loudly. He had given all the responsibility to the old man. Moons rose, moon after moon, month after month.
The old man became almost insane, because this young man was continuously following him like a shadow. He could not even preach because now he was afraid – this man was spreading the word to people that “For four years I have been following this fellow; he has not saved me yet. So be ready, it is a long journey.”
The old man said to him, “You are my follower, you should not say such things.”
He said, “I am not saying any lie. Four years have passed – nothing has happened; just you have become almost twenty years older in four years. That old freshness, that old joy of being a savior and a great man, all have disappeared. But I am going to follow you till my last breath!”
The old man said, “You are thinking about your last breath – before that I will be finished!”
Six years passed. The old man was almost a skeleton; just worries. Just seeing this man almost twenty-four hours a day was such a heavy load that finally he had a nervous breakdown. The young man served him, brought him back to his senses, and said, “What happened? You were going to save me, and you are drowning.”
The old man said, “Just forgive me. I am not a savior, and I don’t know at all what this business means. It is just that I was unemployed and this business of being a savior needs no qualifications. I tried, and I was successful because nobody followed. You destroyed my whole business – you killed me! You are such a stubborn fellow. I was thinking that you would go away after one year, two years, three years; but you are such an adamant person that six years have passed. Now it is certain – unless I die, you cannot leave.
“So it is better to say the truth to you: please leave me. I don’t know what this business is. I have simply learned words – savior, paradise, following – but I don’t have any experience. And the little bit of sense I used to have six years ago is lost because of you. You are following me like a ghost, torturing me continuously, twenty-four hours a day, because I cannot get rid of the idea – what am I going to do with this man? And every morning you are doing exercises and becoming stronger – the savior is going to die and the follower is becoming more and more stronger.”
And the young man said, “I am becoming stronger so that in case you really want to save me I will be in the right shape. Entering into paradise tattered does not look right. In your situation I would rather go to hell, not to heaven – just look at your face in the mirror!”
The old man said, “I know, but this whole thing has happened because of you. I used to know the way to paradise before you started following me. Your company for six years was too much; now I don’t know anymore where the path is, where paradise is, whether paradise exists or not. And I cannot go anywhere; my sheep are waiting all around, in every town, to listen to the great message. But I cannot, because you are standing there by my side telling them that for six years you have followed me and nothing has happened. You just leave me.”
The young man said, “I can leave you only on one condition – that you will stop this business of saving others.”
He said, “That is stopped already; my sheep have gone to follow other saviors. It will be kind of you if you start following somebody else. I have many competitors, it will be a great mercy to me if you do the same thing to those people that you have done to me. Finish them off. Nobody knows what paradise is.”

For centuries, since the very beginning of mankind, there have been people who have been taking advantage of human weakness. One of the greatest human weaknesses is that man wants things for free. And if paradise is available just by believing in the existence of God – or that the savior is the right savior – you are not losing anything and you are gaining everything. You may not get anything, but at least you can live in the hope. All your religious leaders have been giving you hope.
Karl Marx used to say that religions are the opium of the people, but he never went into a deep analysis of the fact. What is the opium? – hope is the opium. They give you hope. They are ready to give you everything for nothing. Just have faith; give all the responsibility to them. And you are unaware of the fact that the moment you give your responsibility to them, you have also given your freedom.
And they are interested in your freedom. They don’t talk to you about freedom, they don’t say, “Give your freedom,” because nobody is going to give their freedom to them. It is a very cunning business. They ask, “Give your responsibility” – and responsibility seems to be a burden, so it is better if somebody else is ready to take it. But you are unaware of the fact that along with the responsibility your freedom disappears. You become a slave. The whole of humanity is enslaved by different kinds of people, but the slavery is the same.
An authentic master will not take any responsibility on himself. That’s why an authentic master will not have a great following – because who is going to follow a man who is not ready to take your responsibility, who does not give you any opium, any hope? On the contrary he takes all your hopes, and all your drugs, and all your opium, and tries to make you as clean and pure and innocent and empty as possible. The true master gives freedom. He insists that you should be free, totally free.
You are afraid of freedom. Just see the mechanism of mind. You don’t want freedom. If you look deep inside it, you will see your fears. You are afraid of freedom because that means you have to stand alone, on your own feet, and people are very much afraid to be alone. They think that if there are two persons… There are proverbs in India that two persons are better than one. Why? One is alone; aloneness creates all kinds of fears. You start facing existence directly.
You must have seen people who are walking alone on a street: they start talking to themselves, to give an illusion that somebody is with them.

I used to live in a house by the side of which there was a small street, very lonely, very dark in the night. And I had seen people talking to themselves, loudly, and I was surprised – what was the matter? Not just one, but anybody who would pass would go fast and would talk loudly.
One of my teachers used to live at the other end of the street. I got hold of him one night in the middle of the dark street. He said, “No more – here, no more! Don’t disturb me here. You can come to my house, or tomorrow morning we will discuss it, but this is not the place to stand.”
I said, “When I am standing here, you are not alone.”
He said, “You don’t understand; don’t waste my time and don’t bother me.”
I said, “You have to answer me here – why do you start talking when you enter this street? With whom are you talking?”
He said, “With whom? Any imaginary figure will do. I start chanting a mantra, Gayatri Mantra; it gives strength. And I run fast, because the street is not only lonely but it is well known that there are ghosts also.”

Why are people afraid of being alone? And if you are with someone, there are only two alonenesses; it does not make any sense that you should be less afraid. You should be more afraid – aloneness has been doubled. Before, you used to sleep in your room alone. Now your wife is also sleeping there – two alonenesses, more dangerous! And then children start coming, and each is bringing another package of aloneness. But people feel very good that now they are no longer alone. Just being in a crowd does not mean that your aloneness has disappeared. It is there.
The same is the situation when you give the responsibility to somebody: you think the responsibility has disappeared, it is in somebody else’s hands. It is not possible. You have to be responsible. Without responsibility you are not. Only dead people don’t have any responsibility. Alive… The more alive you are the more responsible you are. The more alive you are the more freedom you need – to act, to create, to be.
Why are you afraid? You are afraid because it seems that you are too small, and things that have been projected as goals for centuries are too big.
Now a small human being… And the goal is paradise! He does not know the way. He does not know anything about paradise, whether it exists or not. He has been made afraid of hell, he has to avoid hell. He does not know what is being asked. How can he avoid it? – because he does not know what hell is, where it is. If you know it, you can avoid it.
Naturally you have been burdened with such great, fictitious goals, that you have to give your responsibility to someone who is a pretender.

I was in Surat and I was staying with a Mohammedan friend. There is a small sect of Mohammedans, khojas; it is the richest sect of Mohammedans. When I was staying there I came to know about a strange ritual – and that was because Surat is their headquarters; their chief priest lives in Surat.
You have to give… When somebody dies he wills that five lakh, fifty thousand rupees, should be given to the priest, because the priest has a direct line with God – no operators, nothing. You give the money to the priest, the priest gives you a receipt, and the receipt is put with the dead man, in his pocket, when he is being laid in the grave. He has to show the receipt to God and he will get five lakh rupees in cash immediately – a simple transaction of money. And people have been doing that! The chief priest must be one of the richest men in the country because all that money goes into his pocket.
I asked my friend, “Your father died; how much have you given?”
He said, “It is a question of prestige. I had to give fifteen lakh rupees; that is the highest amount ever given.” And his father had died just a few days before; that’s why I had gone to see him.
I said, “Do you think your father has received the cash by now?”
He said, “Certainly.”
I said, “Then tonight we will go to the graveyard.”
He said, “For what?”
I said, “I want to open the grave and see whether the receipt is still there or not.”
He said, “It has never been done.”
I said, “You are an educated man. If the receipt is still in the grave, your father has not received the cash.”
He said, “That’s perfectly logical.”
“Then we can produce the receipt to the priest and get fifteen lakh back – and remember my commission!”
He said, “You are something! First you are telling me to do something irreligious: opening a grave…”
I said, “You have to be rational. Just come.” So we went. With trembling hands he opened the grave, and the receipt was there. I said, “Take out the receipt.”
It was in the middle of the night, and I said, “This is the right time. We should go to the priest.”
He said, “Don’t create any trouble. I have understood that we have been cheated.”
I said, “This is not enough; we should make it known to the priest that he should stop this exploitation.”
He said, “I don’t want to get into trouble.”
And I said, “If you don’t come, I am going alone. Just give me the receipt.” Because of the receipt, he followed me. We knocked at the priest’s door; he opened the door and I produced the receipt.
He looked at the receipt and he said, “Where did you get this receipt?”
I said, “Give the cash – that was the promise. God has returned it; your direct line is not working.”
He said, “Maybe something is wrong.”
I said, “You silently give fifteen lakh rupees to this man; otherwise tomorrow you will be in difficulty.”
He returned fifteen lakh rupees then and there. And he asked, “Please don’t say anything to anybody. It must be that something is wrong with the line.”
I said, “It is bound to be; otherwise, you are such an honest man.”

This goes on happening in the twentieth century, with educated people! There have been saviors who are pretending that they are the only begotten son of God. There are prophets who have been pretending that they have brought the last message to the world; after them, there will not be any more messages coming – this is the last edition of God’s message. And humanity seems to be in such a slavery – it goes on tolerating all these people, without questioning the basic, ordinary things.

It is reported that in Nanak’s life he was in Hardwar, and it was the time when people worship their dead forefathers and give food to the crows – thousands of crows; forefathers come in the form of crows to take the food. I said, “This is a good idea, but no crow can create this idea.”
But the worship and the food that the crow gets is secondary. There is a mediator, a priest, who is praying to God to send the ancestors. It is because of his prayers that crows are coming – and not ordinary crows; they look ordinary, but to the believers they are their forefathers.
Nanak saw this happening. He said, “My God, this is great! People are coming who have died centuries ago!”
He just went to a well where this ceremony was going on – because people have to take a bath and go through certain rituals of prayer. So he took a bath and started drawing water from the well and throwing it on the road. A crowd gathered; they said, “What is the matter? What are you doing?”
He was perspiring, drawing the water and throwing it on the road. He said, “Nothing, just watering my fields in Punjab. If these rituals make it possible to cross the barrier of time, hundreds of centuries… It is only hundreds of miles and I am far away, and right now I cannot go. And it is the time that water should be given to the fields.”
They said, “You must be mad. Throwing water here, it cannot reach to your fields.”
He said, “Crows are eating the sweets, and they are reaching to your parents – and my water is not reaching just a few miles?”

If you look around there are pretenders who are ready to take all your responsibilities – of this life, of past lives, of future lives. All that you have to do is to believe in them, to follow them – blindly. Blindness up to now has been the very foundation of religion. And that’s why all the religions are against me – because I say blindness cannot be the foundation. Eyes are needed. Better eyes, more insight is needed. And for that you have to take the whole responsibility for your life.
The master can help – and that help also, remember, is not like ordinary help. The help is something like when the sun rises in the morning and the flowers open. The sun rays don’t come to each flower and knock on its doors – “Please get up, it is time.” No alarm goes around that all the birds have to be awake and start singing. Nobody orders them…just a synchronicity.
As the sun rises something starts happening in the birds – some joy, some life, some thrill; a song wants to burst. A peacock wants to dance, opening its tail with all the colors of the rainbow. The flowers suddenly wake up – night is over, it is time to open their petals and release their fragrance to the fresh morning winds. The sun is not doing anything directly. Its presence is enough, and something starts happening in its presence.
The master’s help is exactly like that. He has not to do something directly, because that will be interference. That will be entering into your territorial imperative; that will be a crime against you. Even though his intention is good, he cannot enter into your being; he can simply be present. And if you are open, if you are available – and that is your responsibility; to be open, to be available, to be receptive – then without any effort on the part of the master, things start happening within the disciple.
The master does nothing. His presence is a catalytic agent, a very indirect persuasion; something more like a whisper – not like a gong that wakes you up, but a whisper. Just like the winds passing through the pine trees, a very silent song, a message pregnant with immense significance but without words. He makes it available to you. Now it is your responsibility – and your freedom – to take it or not to take it.
So you are right. All the responsibility is of the disciple, and no expectations should be projected on the master, otherwise there is going to be frustration – those expectations cannot be fulfilled. And when they are not fulfilled, then you are angry at the master, then you turn against the master, then you betray the master. And he has not done anything. It was your expectation which has turned into frustration. Everything has been happening within you; the master unnecessarily becomes a target. And when a disciple expects something…
For example today I received a letter; one sannyasin wants recognition – I should pronounce his name and answer his question. Now his question is not worth answering; it will be sheer wastage for so many people, and for the simple reason that the question is not important. He is not interested in the question, the question is secondary. What he wants is that his name be proclaimed by me so he gets recognition. Now, even if the question was right, significant, I would not answer it – because I cannot fulfill his ego. This recognition is nothing but the desire of what is wrong in you.
He writes that he is feeling very angry – because it is not the first time; this is the third question. In the other three questions he had not mentioned it that he wanted his name to be proclaimed, but the questions were rubbish. Now he says that he is feeling very angry and very frustrated. Strange; it is your expectation; why should you feel angry at me? I have not done anything. I have not even named your name, and I will never do it.
And when a disciple feels frustrated he is in a dilemma – because people start asking him, “Why have you left your master?” His ego has been the cause, his expectations have been the cause. He remained stubborn, closed, unreceiving. He behaved like a stone, not like a flower. But he cannot admit it to people – his ego will not allow it – that he was nonreceptive. Then the only way is to find fault with the master. If he cannot find real faults he has to invent, that’s the only way he can save his ego – he has to invent fictions, that the master was wrong.
One man lived with me for almost ten years, and now he has written a book against me – and all lies, everything fictitious. But he has to do it just to save his ego; otherwise people ask, “For ten years you lived with him – then why did you leave?” There can be only two reasons: either the disciple is wrong or the master is wrong – and the disciple cannot be wrong.
But just think, a person who lives ten years with me… Ten years is a long time, one-seventh of your life – and the best part, your youth. It took ten years for this idiot to find out that he was with a wrong master. Now how many years will it take for him to find a right master? His youth is gone – with a wrong master – and he cannot live without a master either, because he is not ready to accept his responsibilities. He will again move in the same vicious circle.
A few people go on for their whole lives doing the same circular route, moving from one teacher to another teacher, from one philosophy to another philosophy, never seeing a single, simple point: that if you come with expectations you cannot find the right master. To find the right master you have to be in a right attitude; that means you have to be without expectations.
You say, “Osho, you are and we are not. Or in other words, you are not and we are.” Both are true in different senses.
As far as egos are concerned, you are, I am not. As far as the universal self is concerned, I am, you are not. And the whole problem is that the meeting is possible in two ways. If the master is a pretender, then he is just as you are and there is a kind of communication between you because he is an ego – you are also an ego. He fulfills your ego, you fulfill his ego; it is a mutual arrangement.
Or, the second possibility is that the master is not as an ego – you should also become a no-ego. Then a communion happens. Then only has the master-discipleship come into existence. It is a rare flower, very rare: comes into being once in a while.
The other kind of communication is a marketplace thing available everywhere. There are teachers in the thousands, every religion produces them. And there are students who go on thinking that they are disciples – they learn only knowledge. The disciple has to grow into being; it has nothing to do with knowledge.
Have you ever felt that there are people with whom you feel as if your energy is sucked? You don’t want to meet them, they are parasites. And there are people whom you love to meet, because when you meet them you feel more alive, more fulfilled; your energy level is higher than it was before.
So there are people who have being – and if you come across a person who has being you will feel nourished. And there are people who don’t have being – they are just black holes; to be with them you will feel sucked.
The teacher and the student have a certain communication, but it is superficial because it is only of words. The master and the disciple have a communion. It is not of words, but of a transfer of being, an exchange of life energy.

To be in your energy again is so beautiful. When I hear and read what you have gone through and endured in order to do your work and be there for us, I am awed. How can we be worthy of you?
The very question, how can you be worthy of me, makes you worthy of me. The question arises out of humbleness. I accept you as you are, but the desire to be more worthy simply means to be more humble, to be more absent as far as the ego is concerned.
Here, not to be is the way of being. The more you erase yourself, the more you allow me in. Just open your doors, all the windows, and don’t hold anything. If you are holding anything back, that means a suspicion – in case you have to leave, in case this man turns out to be not the right master, you can withdraw. So people give in very cautiously. They take so much time unnecessarily.
Tomorrow is not certain; I may be here or I may not be here. Only this moment is certain. Don’t hold back. Come totally to receive me because I am ready to give you my totality. And only totality can connect with another totality; if you are partial, you cannot connect with my totality.
But you are on the right path. The very question, how can you be more worthy, is an indicator that you are relaxing, becoming humble, getting ready to receive the guest, to become the host.

If a disciple does not agree with some of what the master says, is he a disciple?
The disciple is absolutely free to agree or not to agree with what the master says. But what the master does not say, the disciple cannot disagree about that. About that, there has to be total agreement – because that is the real thing.
What the master says is just a game of words; it does not matter. The master is not a philosopher, he is not teaching a certain system of thought. He is not asking you to agree or disagree. You can disagree with everything the master says, but agree with the master.
The question is of agreeing with his being. And I don’t think that if you agree with his being then you will bother to disagree with his words.

In December last year they discovered a cancer of my uterus. For me it was like deciding to die and go on suffering, or come out of it. I let you come in totally, and became drowned in your love: the cancer disappeared. The last six months, even when it was not possible to see you, I felt you very close to me. Some friends of mine are sannyasins, and when I tell them this, they say I am running away from reality. Sometimes I think and have doubts about what I feel. Are they right? What is reality?
Always listen to your own experience, because that is reality.
You had cancer. And it often happens that cancer can become a great opportunity, because now death is certain. Now there is no question of holding yourself back – death is going to take you away anyway. And because death was so close, you remembered me more, you loved me more – because there was no more time to postpone. For the first time you allowed me totally to be with you, and the cancer disappeared.
Cancer has many reasons. One of the reasons is that your life is meaningless, loveless, that you are not really living – just dragging. You don’t have any reason to live, and the trouble is you don’t have any reason to commit suicide either. So in a sleepy way – like somnambulists, sleepwalkers – people go on from their cradle to the grave. It is a long journey, yet sleeping, they manage. They reach to the grave – or wherever they reach it turns out to be the grave.
But a disease like cancer gives a totally new opportunity. You were not aware, so aware, so intensely aware of death; then suddenly you find you have cancer. Now all engagements of your life – the tickets that you have purchased for the theater, for the football match, for the boxing match – simply become meaningless. You were preparing for an examination, now it is useless. You were getting ready to fight an election, it no longer makes any sense. Now death is so strong – and surrounds you – that everything in your life is nullified, is cancelled.
I have been telling you continually to love, to be total. And for these few days there was no other alternative: death was coming already – you loved totally. You allowed me to be within you, and the cancer disappeared. Not that I have done anything; you have done something. If you had listened to me before, the cancer would not have happened at all. If you had loved with such intensity and totality before, you would not have been available to cancer.
Now, after the cancer has disappeared, you are again getting into the mind, thinking that perhaps I have done a miracle. I have not done anything. You have done a miracle, and because you have been telling your friends, “My master has done the miracle,” they are telling you be more realistic. And then doubts arise in you.
Your friends are right. Be realistic – although they themselves are not realistic. The only real thing is that the cancer disappeared because for the first time you had a totality of being, a togetherness of being which was more powerful than any cancer.
Now doubts are arising, and you will ask friends, and anybody will say, “Don’t be foolish. Don’t be superstitious” – although they cannot explain how and why the cancer disappeared. And they are asking you to be realistic. You ask them, “Then you be realistic and tell me how the cancer disappeared.” Let them have a little experience of cancer! Just let them think it over, let them waste their sleep over it – how did the cancer disappear? – because that is where the reality has to be decided.
And don’t expect a miracle from me. That is fiction. You have done a miracle; there is no doubt about it. And everybody is capable of doing such miracles. Life is such a mystery that if we really become silent, total, loving, it will change many things in you – in the body, in the mind, in the soul.
But don’t get foolish ideas from your friends, otherwise the cancer can appear again – because it is not my doing, it is your doing. If you become doubtful, and if you don’t know how it has happened, your doubt can create the cancer. It was your totality which dissolved it; your doubt can make a way for it to come back. And then none of your friends will say, “Be realistic.” Then you will have to go back to the same attitude, but it will be more difficult this time.
It is better not to get into the same trouble again. It will be difficult this time because you will be expecting – which was not there before. The first time you had cancer you were not expecting any miracle. Now if it happens you will be loving, you will be trying to be total – but trying to be total is not total, trying to be loving is not loving. And deep down expecting that the cancer will be dissolved – it is not the same situation.
And remember, don’t blame me, that I have not helped you the next time. The first time I had not helped you either. It is always you. Whatsoever happens to you, you are responsible.

Sitting silently, doing nothing, the grass grows by itself – and I fall asleep. Somehow I always feel envy for those people who can sit silently for hours, but I really can't manage it, and I have been trying hard. I'm only good at fighting, at creating troubles, at dancing with creativity, at shouting from the rooftops, at singing loudly. So does that mean that there is no hope for me?
Sarjano, the haiku you are quoting is from a great master, Basho. I know him. I can tell him to change it a little just to save a poor Italian. And the change that I can suggest to Basho will not be such that he will feel any difficulty.
The haiku is, “Sitting silently, doing nothing, the spring comes and the grass grows by itself.”
I can tell him to make just a little change: Sitting silently, doing nothing, the sleep comes and the grass grows by itself. I don’t think there is any problem. You have every hope.
But don’t try your other things; they will not fit. Sleep is a perfect spiritual activity – but shouting from the rooftops, creating trouble, and doing all the things you are saying in your question, they don’t fit.
And as far as the grass is concerned, while you are asleep it has more chances to grow silently; otherwise you are going to create trouble.
Basho’s haiku is tremendously important. He is simply saying that if you can relax, godliness grows by itself. It is not the grass. He cannot use the word godliness, but that’s what he means: godliness grows by itself. So sleeping silently is a perfectly right atmosphere for godliness to grow. You have every hope.
As far as Basho is concerned, I will persuade him to change the haiku.

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