The New Dawn 30

Thirtieth Discourse from the series of 33 discourses - The New Dawn by Osho.
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Lately, sitting in your presence I am aware that I don't feel the love I used to feel in the past. Rather, I am aware more of your silence and my falling into this silence, this stillness, beauty, quiet and grace. Osho, can you please explain the difference between love and silence, and why I feel saddened by this happening?
The path of a seeker is not straight. It takes many turns, unexpected…suddenly, out of nowhere. But you will come back to the same experience again and again, on a higher level of course. It is just like going up a mountain: the path goes round and round.
You come to the same spots but on a higher level. You will come to feel love at least seven times, and you will lose it the same number of times, but each time it will be a different quality of love. And the same is true about other experiences – silence, blissfulness, innocence, ecstasy. Unless you become enlightened you will not be able to gather them all; they will be scattered along the whole path. But it is happening for the first time, hence the question.
The love that you used to feel was the lowest rung of the ladder. It was beautiful, but still, it was not the purest that comes at the last rung. Now you have moved on and you are feeling silence, stillness, beauty, quiet and grace. But because you have lost love you are feeling sad. There is no reason to feel sad; on the contrary, there is every reason to feel joyous. You have moved on the path.
Soon the turn will come again, that you will find love enveloping you. But it will be a different experience. Although the name remains the same, it has a depth which was not there before. Before it was a superficial layer, now it has depth and height. Before it was horizontal, now it will be vertical. It will be lost also, and again you will feel a great silence and stillness and serenity, and you will see the difference from the first experience of silence.
The first experience of silence is only an absence of noise. The second experience will start turning from the negative to the positive. It will not be just absence of noise, it will be a positive existence in itself, not related to noise at all. And then silence is a tremendous transformation.
Just to not feel the noise is one thing. We call it silence – it is not silence – but when silence descends on you as a positive force, it fills you. It is not emptiness, it is overflowing.
And so will be the other qualities: stillness, beauty, quiet and grace. And this is going to happen seven times, so there is no need to be sad; you will lose on one level and you will go on moving. You will find the same experiences on a higher level, more crystal clear, more penetrating to the heart, more transforming, more positive. And each time it happens you will be rising higher.
After the seventh, nothing will be lost. Then you can gather all the experiences of seven layers into one organic unity. That unity happens on its own. That’s what I call enlightenment. Now there is nowhere to go, you have reached the highest point and from that point you can see all those lower stages.
Remember a basic law: the higher can see the lower and can understand it; the lower cannot see the higher and cannot understand it. So what is happening is perfectly right. Just don’t disturb yourself by sadness that can drag you back.
Rather than moving onward, you can go backward and you can find the love again. But then you will not be evolving in consciousness, you will be stuck, and stuck at the lowest rung of the ladder. It is natural to feel sad because you don’t know what is going to happen ahead. You only know that something is lost. You don’t know that it is lost only to appear again when you come to the same point, having gone right round the hill – but at a higher place.
You will see the same beauty and the same scenic experience, but you will be at a higher evolved consciousness. And with you everything goes on deepening, becoming more clear, becoming more than just an experience. It goes on becoming your very being.
The day silence, love, blissfulness, ecstasy, all become not experiences but your very being – you breathe them in and out; your heart beats with them, dances with them; your being is filled with them, it is no more something that is coming from outside…on the contrary, it is something that is overflowing from your innermost source – then only will you understand that there was no need for any sadness at any moment.
Just to help you to drop the sadness:

Mona was applying for a job at the whorehouse.
“So,” said the madam, “just how expert are you?”
“I don’t like to brag,” said Mona, “but I can make love standing on my head.”
“Great,” said the madam, “you are the one I want. There is a yogi waiting downstairs.”

I am very afraid to write to you, but I need to tell you: thank you for telling me the truth about myself.
Dhyan Om, there is no need to be afraid. I am happy that you have understood the truth. You have been living unnecessarily in misery.
In all relationships nobody is responsible for misery. Just the very nature of a relationship is that it turns sour at a certain point. It is neither you nor the other who is responsible for creating the misery, but both are suffering immensely. And the nature of the mind is such that it goes on clinging and hoping, even hoping against hope that perhaps tomorrow things will be better, that it is only a passing phase. You go on somehow consoling yourself.
You go on thinking that the other will understand, but it is not the fault of the other. The other is also waiting for you to understand. And it is not your fault either. So there is nothing to understand, you have simply to see and recognize that a relationship as such is bound to end up in a boring, miserable suffering.
The moment it starts happening, if you are alert you will separate…not condemning or complaining against the other, because nobody is really doing anything. It is the relationship’s very nature that it cannot remain the same as it was before the honeymoon ended. It cannot be the same after the honeymoon; the whole world has changed. And as days pass, things that you were dreaming start becoming clear to you – that they were only dreams, they don’t have any reality. Both feel frustrated, and both try to throw the responsibility on the other, so that instead of love, fighting becomes their only relationship.
But the problem is that the man or the woman goes on clinging even though everything is going toward hell. The reason for clinging is the fear of loneliness. It is better to be miserable but with somebody, than to be lonely – because when you are lonely you have to face yourself. And unless you are prepared for a deep meditation, and to see your inner being and transform your loneliness into aloneness, you are going to cling even though it is miserable. And that’s what you were doing, that’s what many are doing.
In fact you proved a pioneer. You created the understanding in many others. After you, many suffering couples have separated. They all owe gratitude toward you. You were the first to take the risk and move out of the relationship. And it is good that you are not angry at me. That’s what ordinarily happens if a man has no intelligence.
I am not going to console you. If I see that things are becoming bitter, I want you to separate. Separate peacefully, separate with respect toward each other; separate in such a way that you don’t become enemies, that at least you remain friends. Separate without hate. Remember the person you have loved at least deserves not to be hated.
But if you go on clinging too long, all love is forgotten, all beautiful moments are forgotten. All that you can remember is misery and misery and misery – every day misery. Then love turns into hate, then everything is poisoned. Then you cannot separate even with grace, and after separation you cannot even think of friendship.
And because I made it clear to you, naturally a man who is not intelligent will start thinking in angry terms against me – that I brought the idea of separation. But you will find that you are happier than you were in the relationship.
Latifa has again been heard, after many, many months, laughing. Yes, this is Latifa! She had forgotten to laugh completely. And now remember never to get into the same trap again. You can have friendships, you can have casual relationships, but never go beyond casualness. Don’t make them permanent. Don’t try to cement your relationship – that will kill you both. Remain free.
One of the wisest steps is to never live with the woman you love. Live separately, so you are free to be alone, she is free to be alone. Never make promises and commitments, never demand that only you should be loved. On the contrary, if your woman or your man on the weekends takes a little joy in somebody else, it is perfectly good for a change. And after the change, back to the working days, it feels better. One is rested, and one’s mind is no more wandering, and one knows that this woman or that, this man or that, they are all the same. When the light is turned off, then all differences disappear!
So just enjoy your aloneness. That does not mean that you have to remain without creating any friends, but make it clear always…At least my people should remember it. The old world has suffered so much because these simple things were not understood, and they made it almost compulsory that you have to be together once you have decided to be with someone. This goes against man’s frailty, man’s weakness.
Man is not made of steel. What is love today, tomorrow may not be. If tomorrow somebody else catches your eye, what can you do about it? The old man used to repress it, but when you repress something it turns into anger against the woman whom you are now tied to like a prisoner. The woman hates the husband because she is tied.
Just a few days ago one sannyasin was saying, “I have given him enough rope.” What do you think your husband is – a dog? You are giving enough rope, but the rope is in your hands. The moment you see the dog has seen some other girlfriend, you pull the rope back: “You son of a bitch, come back!” This is not love, this is pure politics. It is a lust for power, domination.

Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world. “I did not sleep with my wife before I was married,” said one clergyman self-righteously. “Did you?”
“I don’t know,” said the other. “What was her maiden name?”

And these are the people who are enforcing morality, who are teaching you to be committed, to be loyal, who are teaching you to remain attached with one person. Nobody is concerned whether it creates a hell for you and the other.
There is an ancient parable:

A man’s father died, so the whole neighborhood came to console him. Many old people said to him, “Don’t be worried, if your father is dead we are here. Your father was our friend and we are just like your father; you will not miss him. You can always come for any advice or for any help. We are available to you, you are just like our son.”
Then his mother died, and all the women of the neighborhood said the same thing: “Don’t be worried, we are just like mothers to you. You can come to us the way you used to go to your mother for any help or any problem. We will always remain available. She was such a good soul and we all loved her.” Then his wife died, and he waited and waited and waited and no woman turned up. He was very angry. He came out of his house and shouted, “What has happened? When my father died all the old idiots came to be my father. When my mother died, all the stupid old women came saying that they want to be my mother. Now what has happened? My wife has died, and nobody is coming to tell me, ‘Don’t be worried, she was a great soul, and we are just like your wife. You can come to us.’ Nobody is coming!” And the neighborhood remained silent.
The relationship between man and woman as husband and wife has been put in a special category, different from every other relationship.

This is not the right approach, not an enlightened approach. If the people had been really understanding, women would have gone to him and said the same thing, that “Don’t be worried, if one woman has died, we are all here. Whenever you need or whenever you feel alone, just ask for help and we will be available.” In a really human society, all jealousy will disappear, all domination will disappear. People will be helping each other in their loneliness, and helping them to become capable of being alone. It is human.
So if your woman once in a while goes with somebody else, there is nothing to be worried about. If your man goes with somebody else…everybody needs holidays. But your saints, your priests, because they don’t have any holidays…a saint has to be a saint for seven days continuously; there is no Sunday. He cannot take leave of his sainthood even for a single moment. Because he cannot enjoy any holiday, he takes revenge on society. He will not allow you either to have holidays.
They decide your morality, they decide how you should live, and they are the worst people to decide it, the most inexperienced people to decide it. They don’t know relationship, they don’t know the intricacies of relationship; they don’t know the fragility of love. They don’t know that the human mind gets bored with the same thing every day, and just a little holiday will be a tremendous help to keep people together.

It is said that Mulla Nasruddin was made an advisor to a king, and because of his beautiful stories the king became very much addicted to him. He wouldn’t let him go anywhere. They used to eat at the same table – that was the first time that the king had allowed anybody else to sit at the same table while eating. The first day Mulla was sitting there and the king said, “The cook has made stuffed bhindis.” Once in a while it is really delicious, but only once in a while. And the king appreciated them. Seeing that the king was appreciating, Mulla said, “Perhaps you don’t know that bhindis are not only vegetables, they are medicine. They prolong your life, they make you more powerful, they give you longer youth. It is written in the ancient books of medicine.”
The cook heard all this praise so he started making stuffed bhindis every day. The second day the king tolerated it; the third day he was feeling angry that this idiot, Mulla, had corrupted the mind of the cook: “It seems now my whole life I have to eat bhindis!”
On the fourth day it was too much, and he threw the plate on the ground shouting at the cook, “I will shoot you if ever I see a bindhi in this house again.”
Mulla said, “I was going to say the same thing before you did. This cook needs to be shot immediately. Bhindis are very dangerous.”
The king said, “Mulla, have you forgotten what you said before?” He said, “I am your servant, I am not a servant of bhindis. You were appreciating so I appreciated; I am just here to serve you. Now if you want me to, I can shoot the cook.”
The cook said, “This is strange. You corrupted my mind.”

But human mind has to be understood. It gets bored with the same thing every day. Whether it is a wife or a husband, or a certain food, or a certain film…how long can you see a film? Once is great. Twice it is dull, because you already know what is going to happen. Thrice and you will start thinking of committing suicide: if this is the film that you have to see for your whole life, it is better to be finished with it.
My own approach is that boredom is coming into relationships because we have made relationships very tight and very controlled. This should be more free, and newer pastures should be available to both the persons. And they will come together again and again, with great love, because whoever gives you freedom creates love in you. Whoever destroys your freedom destroys your love too.

“Baby, I am going to kiss you to death tonight,” said the big, macho man.
“Yeah, sure,” teased the young secretary.
“Baby, you will be lucky if you can walk tomorrow,” he bragged.
“Sure, sure, we will see,” scoffed the girl.
When the chips were down though, and the big man could not quite come up with the goods, the girl pulled out a feather from a pillow and began to stroke him lightly on the forehead.
The big, macho guy eyed her curiously and asked her, “Hey, what’s the big idea?”
“Well, comparatively speaking,” she scolded, “I am beating your brains out.”

The other day I heard you say that when we take sannyas we make you out a blank check of our lives. I can imagine that this statement would rock the very floorboards of the conservative element the world over. But as far as one of my best friends is concerned, after hearing that, he jumped and took sannyas the next day. Is this the wealth of courage leading toward the new man?
It is true that when you take initiation into sannyas you give me a blank check for your life. And it is also true that this will rock the very foundations, floorboards of the conservative element the world over. I want it to happen. I want to destroy all those foundations and floorboards of the conservative mind that have kept humanity under slavery for centuries. They are the worst criminals and the greatest enemies of man. And this is also true, that your friend is a courageous fellow, a man who loves adventure, a man who accepts a challenge when it comes and is not too cowardly to escape and hide himself. But there is one thing that I have not told, and I would like you never to tell anybody – at least the orthodox and conservative elements in the world – that I have never used anybody’s blank check.
Certainly initiation means you have taken a step into a dangerous life. You have accepted me as your friend in the darkness and you have given your hand with great trust. But I have never used any blank check and I have never used or even interfered in anybody’s life. It is just on your part – I am absolutely out of it. It is your initiation and it is your initiative to offer your life to be transformed. But the whole action and its responsibility is yours. You can take your blank check back any moment, because it will remain blank. But unless you take a step with such courage, you are not going to grow.
Growth certainly needs one thing, and that is courage. That is the most fundamental religious quality, the only qualification that I require from my people. Everything else is ordinary and can follow, but courage is the most fundamental thing, the first thing. Yes, Satyadharma, this is the courage which will bring the New Man into existence. The past, the old man, the outgoing man was very much of a coward. He remained a sheep, while he had the potentiality of being a lion. He remained a sheep because it is very cozy to be surrounded by a big crowd; one feels secure and safe. And one feels that “Everybody cannot go wrong, and I am going with everybody.” This is one of the greatest mysteries of life, that crowds always go wrong. They cannot go right. Have you ever heard of any crowd becoming enlightened? It is always the individual who attains to the highest peak of consciousness. The crowd remains at the lowest possible state of consciousness – just a very small, thin layer of consciousness. And the bigger the crowd, the thinner becomes the layer of consciousness.
Courage means to stand alone and to take a path without anybody to be your companion, without any guide, without any map…just finding out your way in the thick forests of life. This very effort makes you alert. This very fact creates consciousness in you, because you are surrounded with all kinds of dangers – the wild animals, the darkness of the night, and the untrodden path. Nobody knows where you are going. In such circumstances an explosion happens in you which becomes the rebirth, or the beginning of a new dawn, or the beginning of a new man.
But Satyadharma, you have to learn something from your friend. You have taken sannyas almost for granted. It is not a danger to you; perhaps it has become a shelter to you. Mind’s cunningness has no limits. It can make a dangerous situation also a shelter, a security – at least it can hallucinate. Otherwise the very act of becoming a sannyasin will be a great transformation in your being.

“My beautiful sexy lady,” whispered the suave playboy, “you are the only girl for me. I dig you, I’m crazy about you, I’m nuts about you. I can’t make it through the night.”
“Hey, wait a minute,” protested the shy girl. “I don’t want to get serious.”
“Hell, baby,” said the guy, “who’s serious?”

If you become a sannyasin because others are becoming, because some of your friends have become sannyasins – to you it is just a curiosity, not an authentic longing for search – then it will not help you in any way. It will be simply an exercise in utter futility.
Sannyas cannot be accidental; it should be intentional. You should be ready to go into any transformation, any change. And the curious man is not ready for that – only a seeker, only one who is ready to risk his life. That risking of life is the beginning of a new consciousness within you. It is the awakening of your soul.

Since “I” and “doing” seem to be rather a problem, is there anything “I” can do toward “no I” and “no doing”?
An old Zen master, who was known and feared for his ferocious behavior and his unpredictable answers, was once visited by one of his disciples. He knocked cautiously at the master’s door and asked, “Master, are you there?”
After a moment the disciple heard a wild voice roaring back, “No!”
The disciple answered, “Oh, what luck that I did not come.”

You are unnecessarily getting into puzzles. You are asking, “Since ‘I,’ and ‘doing’ seem to be rather a problem, is there anything ‘I’ can do to move toward ‘no I’ and ‘no doing’?
Nothing is needed but a good laughter.

The teenage couple were having an argument on the phone. Finally the boy exploded and said, “I am tired of this fooling around. I am coming over to your house tonight and I am going to throw you down on the sofa and pull off your pants.”
“Oh no you’re not,” shouted the girl.
“And I am going to screw you so hard,” the boy continued, “that you won’t be able to walk straight.”
“Oh no you’re not,” shouted the girl.
“And what is more,” the boy cried, “I am not even going to wear a condom.”
“Oh yes you are,” shouted the girl.

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