Sat Chit Anand 13

Thirteenth Discourse from the series of 30 discourses - Sat Chit Anand by Osho.
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Again and again, everything I want to say seems unsayable. Question after question burns fiercely and vanishes as quickly. And yet, there's an uncontrollable longing for you to point me in the right direction. Otherwise, how can I know that I'm not already astray?
Anand Savita, you may have been astray, but certainly now you are not astray. If questions arise and disappear it is a great symbolic indication. If you want to ask something and you find it unsayable, it means something from beyond the mind is longing to be expressed; words fail, the mind cannot manage to bring it down to the world of language.
And this is something to be remembered by you all: if you are getting more silent, more peaceful, more calm and cool, it is an intrinsic indication that you are in the right direction. If things are otherwise – you are becoming more disturbed, more anxiety-ridden, feeling more anguish, feeling as if you are falling apart – it is a sure indication that you have gone astray.
I want you to remember the criterion yourself, because the criterion is intrinsic. It is not imposed from outside, it is not arbitrary. You can see it very clearly – according to the symptoms. If silence, blissfulness, a kind of peace that passes understanding are there, then you need not worry at all, as these things can happen only on the right path. They never happen if you go astray. If you are miserable, feeling meaningless, feeling no significance in life, if your life has no music, no poetry, but is just a stale, dead dragging, you have clear-cut symptoms in your hands that you are no longer on the right path.
The right path is just as if you are coming closer to a beautiful garden. You may not see it, it may not yet be visible, but far away you can start smelling the fragrance, you can start feeling the cool breeze, you can start hearing the birds singing in the trees. You start seeing that things are becoming greener, livelier; you are approaching closer to the garden. But if things are becoming dry, losing all juice, the trees are becoming bare, without foliage, without flowers, and the path is becoming sandier and sandier and all coolness is disappearing – instead you are feeling hot and perspiring – you know you are moving toward the desert.
This is exactly what happens in your inner world. There is a desert called the mind and there is a garden called the heart. If you are moving toward the heart, everything is right, because the heart is the bridge to your being. The heart is not the goal, but it is a sure indication that you have left the mind behind, that the desert has been left behind.
The heart joins the mind and being just like a bridge. As you start moving on the path of the heart, things start becoming more beautiful, more loving. You are surrounded by a new energy, a new life, as if you are being rejuvenated every moment. And the day you reach your center, there you will experience sat-chit-anand. But before that experience of truth, consciousness, bliss, these small indications will help you on the path. They are the milestones.
As far as I can see, you are going perfectly right because you are feeling things which cannot be said – they must be coming from the heart. Only the heart is without language. It is silent, it speaks in silence. You can say that silence is its language. And you find it difficult to say them because saying is the function of the mind. The feeling is in the heart and the mechanism of expression is in the mind. So if something is arising in the heart, the mind feels absolutely impotent. This is good news.
And your questions, you say, “appear one after another, burn fiercely and vanish as quickly.” That’s how it happens to every meditator. You don’t have to ask them! Even before you can ask them they are no longer there. It means you are coming closer to the answer within yourself. It may not be very clear to you what the answer is, but the question disappears without torturing you, without becoming a nightmare, without being stubborn, persistent, harassing you to ask it: that would show you are enclosed in the mind. Mind knows only questions; the heart knows only answers – and the being is beyond both. It knows neither questions nor answers. It is simply beyond all kinds of duality.
I have told you many times, but I love the incident so much, because in the contemporary world, and particularly in the West, nothing like it has ever happened. In the East it has been happening to the Sufis, to the Zen monks, to the masters of meditation, but in the West this small incident stands unique – just like a burning torch in a dark night.

Gertrude Stein, a great poetess, was dying, she was breathing her last breath. She was loved by many people, she had many friends. She was a woman of tremendous creative qualities. Her poetry comes closest to the haikus of the Zen masters or to the poetry of Kabir, Nanak, Farid. Her poetry has something essentially of the East; she had some glimpses of the mystic experience.
At the last moment – it was evening and the sun had set and darkness was settling – she opened her eyes and asked, “What is the answer?”
And those who had gathered to say good-bye to her were puzzled. “Has she gone senile, insane? Perhaps death has shocked her and she has lost her rationality.”
Certainly no man with a reasonable mind will ask “What is the answer?” because unless you have asked a question, asking “What is the answer?” is very irrational.
There was silence for a moment. Then one very close friend asked, “But you have not asked the question. How can we answer?”
And Gertrude Stein had a faint smile and said, “Okay, so tell me, what is the question?”
And then she died, so they had no time left to say, “This question is as absurd as your first. First you asked for the answer without asking the question; now you are also asking us for the question! There are thousands and millions of questions. Who knows what question you want to be answered?”
In fact, Gertrude Stein was passing beyond the mind when she asked, “What is the answer?” She was passing beyond the heart when she asked – reluctantly, smilingly – “Okay, what is the question?” And then she passed beyond.

It was one of the most beautiful deaths in the West. In the East we have known many beautiful deaths. It is very difficult for people to make a beautiful life. But there have been people who have lived beautifully and died even more beautifully. Because to them death comes as a culmination, as a climax of life, as if the whole life becomes a flame of fire – in a single moment, in total intensity – before disappearing into the universal. She was not losing her mind in the sense that it is usually understood, but she was certainly going beyond the mind and she was also going beyond the heart.
Beyond these two diametrically opposite centers in you is a being which is utterly innocent of any questions or of any answers. It is so fulfilled in itself, so completely contented that there is nothing left to ask and there is nothing left to answer.
My own understanding is that Gertrude Stein died enlightened. The West has no understanding of enlightenment. They simply thought she was going crazy. But it was not craziness, it was a moment of great celebration. What she could not attain in her life, she attained in her death. And she gave the sure indications: no question, no answer and you have arrived home.
Savita, you are perfectly good. I have been watching you, looking into your eyes, into your face – it has changed so much. I remember when you came the first time to me, years ago. I remember it exactly – how hard your face was, how intellectual your questions were. You have a beautiful face and a beautiful being, but you could not manage to hide the hardness. It was beyond you, you were in your head. Then the face loses all grace.
It is still beautiful as far as the shape is concerned, but it loses something essential to beauty: the grace. Now I see that your heart must have taken over your head. Your face shows a grace, your eyes show a silence, you show a certain grounding, a certain centering – small things.
When you first came to me I could see how fidgety you were. Even for a few minutes you could not sit in the same position. It is not only a question of the body. It is the mind that is continuously moving, that is continuously changing – that affects the body. Now I see you sitting almost like a marble statue: no movement, and your face is so radiant with love. You are surrounded with a new experience. You are perfectly on the right path. And the day will not be far away when your face will start radiating the light of illumination. Meanwhile, rejoice as much as you can and be grateful to existence with your total being.
Just one thing I would like to add: you have become very silent. So silent that perhaps you find laughter a little disturbing. I would like you to remember always that silence is not disturbed by laughter, it is deepened. Laughter to me is an essential quality of religious experience. It involves you totally.
But it happens when people are on the path, growing, there comes a moment when their silence becomes a little serious. It is natural. They have never known silence. It becomes a little shadowed with seriousness. And hiding behind seriousness there is a little sadness. Both can be destroyed if you learn a little laughing, a little singing, a little dancing.
I want you to reach the ultimate as a child, giggling with joy – that’s the only way to greet existence when you meet the ultimate. You should enter with laughter, dancing, singing, because only your laughter and your singing and your dancing can show your gratitude. No other words are possible.
Just for you, Savita…

Yossel Moskowitz has four daughters and insists on meeting each of their boyfriends before he allows them to be taken out. The first boy arrives and says, “My name is Jim and I have come to take Kim for a swim. Is she in?”
He seems nice enough, so Yossel lets them go. The second lad arrives and says, “My name is Joe, and I have come to take Flo to the show. Can we go?” He, too, is given permission.
Soon there is a third boy at the door who says, “My name is Lance and I have come to take Nance to the dance. Any chance?” So off they go.
Half an hour later a drunk staggers to the door and says, “Hi! My name is Buck…”
But Yossel shouts, “She is not in!”

The circus audience holds its breath as the crocodile trainer cracks his whip. The crocodile opens its huge mouth and the trainer puts his arm inside it. He cracks the whip again and the crocodile shuts its mouth with terrific force, but stops an inch from the trainer’s arm. The audience gasps and then goes wild with applause.
Next, the trainer takes out his prick, cracks his whip and the crocodile opens its mouth. Then he puts his prick inside the crocodile’s mouth and cracks the whip again. The crocodile shuts its mouth with tremendous force, but again stops an inch away.
The crowd gasps as the trainer takes a huge wooden mallet and hits the crocodile over the head as hard as he can. But still the animal won’t bite. He then cracks his whip, removes his unscratched prick and the crowd goes wild.
Then the trainer asks the audience if anyone else would like to try this trick. A little old lady rushes into the ring and says, “Yes, yes, let me try! But please don’t hit me so hard with the hammer!”

I am deeply grateful to existence that I can be here beside you and that you are available to me.
I believe you are my only authentic mirror. All the other mirrors around me seem to reflect my masks and the roles I'm playing. How can I become more sensitive toward myself?
How can I say yes to what I am, and no to what I am not?
It is one of the great problems for the seeker – to be caught in duality; and the duality comes in such a way that you may not recognize it at all. It seems so right, it seems that it is going to help you in your growth, but no duality can help you grow. All duality has to be left behind: neither yes nor no, neither you nor me, neither your false self nor your idea of your authentic self. Both have to be left behind.
In essence, the moment you are not divided in any kind of duality you suddenly fall into tune with existence. Existence knows no yes, no no. It knows no duality. It is absolutely simple. There is no complexity in it.
Now, what you are asking is a complex question. You are asking, “How can I say yes to what I am, and no to what I am not?” You don’t have to – you simply stop saying anything! You go into a non-saying silence within yourself. Otherwise you will get into such complexities that they will hold you back from going in.
These are all mind questions. In fact, every question is a mind question. Sometimes they are so beautiful that you may think they are coming from beyond the mind. But no question ever comes from beyond the mind; this is unquestioningly in tune with existence.
I will read your question. You say, “I am deeply grateful to existence that I can be here beside you and that you are available to me.” Do you see the duality? It is very subtle. First, you are making a distinction between yourself and existence by being grateful to existence, as if you are apart. Do you think my hand can be grateful to me? Do you think my eyes can be grateful to me? Do you think I have to be grateful to my heart? I am one whole. In fact, to feel one with existence is the only gratitude, but that will not be expressed in words. It will overwhelm you. You may dance with joy that you have arrived, but you will not say anything.
You are saying, “I am deeply grateful to existence…” That is where you are making your first duality. If you are really grateful to existence you will disappear. There will not be anyone to say “Thank you” to existence – and that is true thankfulness. Secondly you say, “…that I can be here beside you and that you are available to me.” Another duality! Again your mind is making a distinction between yourself and me. Is there any need to make the distinction? Can’t you come close, so close that you cannot see the other? To see the other as the other, you need a distance.
Then you say, “I believe you are my only authentic mirror.” You are too much in the mind. I am insisting every moment, each day when I am with you: religion is not a question of belief. I want you to be free from all beliefs, but the mind is very much attached to beliefs. That’s its way, its strategy, to prevent you from reaching the truth. Truth is an experience, not a belief.
The moment you say “I believe,” without your knowing, you are declaring your ignorance. Belief is based on ignorance. A man says “I believe in God.” He knows nothing about God, whether he exists or not. It is his belief, he is projecting his belief. When somebody says “I believe I am in love with you,” what do you think of him? He believes that he is in love with you. He does not know exactly, he has not felt it throughout his being. His heart has not danced with the feeling of love. It is still a belief in the head.
You say, “I believe…” and that shows nothing but an imprisonment in the mind. Belief is a word belonging to the mind. Beyond the mind there is no question of belief. Either you know or you don’t. And then, “…that you are my only authentic mirror.” How can you come to this conclusion with a belief? Have you seen all the mirrors in the world? How can you decide I am your only authentic mirror? And that too based on a belief? Just look how your mind is playing tricks on you! What is the reason that mind is giving you to make you believe I am your only authentic mirror?

I have heard about a woman who was ugly, really ugly, repulsively ugly. She was very much against mirrors. Her idea was that all those mirrors were making her ugly, because whenever she was not looking in the mirror she was not ugly. She was so against mirrors that in her own house there were no mirrors, and she used to immediately break other people’s mirrors, hit them hard. She used to carry a staff with her; if somebody, somewhere, had a mirror, she never bothered that it was not her possession. She would immediately hit the mirror, breaking it into pieces.
The whole village where the woman lived was in utter despair. They said, “In the first place, this woman is so repulsive. Secondly, she goes on destroying our mirrors. We are poor people, but her argument is: ‘These mirrors are making me ugly! It is a conspiracy of the mirror manufacturers. Because when there is no mirror, I am perfectly okay.’”
Finally one clever guy in the village went to the city, to the factory where mirrors were produced, and he asked them to produce a mirror in which an ugly woman starts looking beautiful.
Mirrors can be made in many ways. If you have seen… There are many places in big cities where you can go into a mirror house where there are different kinds of mirrors: a few make you thin and tall; a few make you very fat and very short; a few make your nose so long that not even a Jew could have it; a few make your nose almost disappear – flat, no nose; a few make one of your eyes small and the other big… There are thousands of kinds of mirrors.
In Indore, one of the big cities of India, there is a mirror house. One of the richest men of India – he is dead now – was Sir Seth Hukum Chand. He was given as many titles by the British government as you can conceive. It needed at least half a page to write all his titles. He was Sir Seth – Seth is Hindi, it comes from the Sanskrit root shreshth. It means “the best.” And the British government was giving titles to only a few people. I think he was the only Sir Seth in the whole of India: best amongst the best!
He was not a king, but he was given the title of Raja – the king. He owned almost three-quarters of the buildings in the whole city. Even the Maharaja – Indore was a state, a beautiful state – had to borrow money from Sir Seth Hukum Chand. He had a huge amount of money and he made Indore as beautiful as possible – he was not a miserly man.
He had a beautiful collection of horses, such as I have never seen. I have seen many horses in many places, but the horses that he had were absolutely unique and rare: such proud horses, so strong. He had made a big palace for the horses, a marble palace. He was the only person in the whole world who had a Rolls Royce made completely of twenty-four carat gold – even the engine! Nothing was to be used except gold. And he had made a beautiful temple, completely of glass.
He had also made a mirror house. In his mirror house there must have been at least a thousand or more mirrors. It took hours to move from one room to another room, from one mirror to another mirror. You could not believe that mirrors could be of so many curves, so many different types – they can change you so much.
So the factory produced a mirror which would make the woman look beautiful. The man brought the mirror to the woman and said, “Before you break it, just have a look in it. This is a very authentic mirror!”
The woman looked into it and she was so beautiful, she hugged the mirror, she kissed the mirror. She said, “I was absolutely right in destroying all the false mirrors. This is the only real mirror.”

Now, this was the false mirror. How do you decide that I am your only authentic mirror? Perhaps close to me you feel beautiful, close to me you feel silent, close to me you feel meditative, close to me you feel joyous. Your mind is supplying the reason, “The mirrors around me seem to reflect my masks and the roles I am playing.”
How do you know which is the mask and which is the original face? Are you certain? How can you be certain – because a belief can never be certain – that what you feel near me is your original face? Perhaps my presence and my people’s presence and the silence that surrounds this strange temple – godless, but so full of godliness; prayerless, but so full of prayerfulness… You start feeling these things, they infiltrate into your being and you feel happy, thinking “Perhaps this is my reality, this is my original face. Everybody else reflects only my mask.”
But if you are really experiencing it, why do you go on keeping your masks? Throw them away! Then no mirror will be able to reflect that which is not. If you see that this is a mask, immediately destroy it. Not the mirror, mind you – destroy the mask!
I have heard…

A man was reading the newspaper and his wife was standing behind him, looking at what he was reading – wives are very suspicious. The wife read that a famous doctor had declared how many diseases happen because of alcohol. And she immediately jumped.
Every wife seems to be appointed by God himself to cure her husband. I don’t see that there is any other purpose for a wife. Her whole life she devotes to curing the husband of all kinds of wrong habits: cigarettes, alcohol, other women. And all that they succeed in doing is to create a hypocrite!
She immediately told the husband, “Why are you reading all this nonsense? Read this – what the famous doctor is saying: ‘Alcohol can cause all these diseases; it will take ten years off your life.’ Stop drinking alcohol!”
The man said, “Okay, from tomorrow.”
The woman could not believe it. She had been torturing him since they had married. It must have been twenty years, and he had never agreed to drop it – and so suddenly. He said, “Okay, from tomorrow.”
Tomorrow morning came, but the newspaper did not come. The wife asked, “What happened to the newspaper?”
He said, “I have told you, I will stop from tomorrow, not the alcohol but such stupid newspapers!”

Don’t destroy any mirrors, because the mirror is innocent. If it shows you your mask, drop the mask! Then every mirror will reflect your authentic face. And when every mirror starts reflecting your authentic face – the mirror of your servant, the mirror of your wife, the mirrors of your children, the mirrors of your parents, the mirrors of your friends, even the mirrors of your enemies – when they all reflect the same face, only then can you be certain that you have come to the original. Otherwise, you go on changing masks.
The same man: with his wife, he has a mask made in England – long face, so serious, grumpy, utterly fed up with the world, everything is wrong. And then you see him with somebody else’s wife and he is smiling so much. He has dropped the English face completely; he has become an Italian. You just watch how you change your mask. In front of your servant you have one mask – you are the boss. But in front of your master, your own boss, you have a different mask.
Even animals learn tricks with human beings. Otherwise, they are simple people. Have you seen dogs? If they know that somebody is welcome in the house, they will also welcome him with their tails wagging. If they know that somebody is not welcome in the house, they will not wag their tails. They will bark and keep the stranger away. But sometimes poor dogs, not being capable of much discrimination, find themselves in a fix. Somebody comes and they don’t know exactly whether he has to be welcomed or chased away. So they do both things: on the one hand they go on barking, on the other they go on wagging their tail – diplomatic! They are waiting for the response of their boss. When their master comes out, if he shakes hands with the person, the barking stops, the wagging of the tail continues. But if the master is angry and says “Why have you entered the garden? Get out!” the dog’s tail stops completely and he rushes to chase the man out of the garden, barking as loudly as he can.
Diplomacy is a contagious disease. In front of your boss…
You may not have a tail, though Darwin says that once you had one. He even found the joint in your backbone where the tail was joined, where it was plugged in. That is certain proof that you once had a tail because otherwise why should you have this place where a tail can be plugged in? This was his basic argument to prove that man has come from apes. The only thing missing is the tail. He studied skeletons and found that there had been a tail – the part where it used to be attached is still in your body.
It is fortunate that you have lost the tail. Otherwise, when you see your boss or your wife, you will immediately start wagging it. And it will look very odd to have buttons on both sides of your pants, as you will have to keep your tail hidden. It would not be for everybody, only for special people, VIPs. For ordinary people, there will be no need to bring your tail out.
But your face shows the same expression. The boss may be shouting at you – you go on smiling, your lips are spread ear to ear. Deep down you want to kill that man immediately, to shoot that man. Deep down you are calling him “bastard.” But on your face, that ear-to-ear smile, although he is harassing you, calling you all kinds of names, saying that you are lazy, that you are always a latecomer and it cannot be tolerated anymore, that you have to mend your ways, otherwise you will be fired.
If you watch… With a friend, you have a different mask, with the enemy, you have a different mask, with a stranger you have a different mask. The authentic original face is only possible when you remove all masks, when you start behaving humanly and equally to all. He may be a servant or he may be a master: both are human beings and both need their dignity and respect. Whether it is your friend or your enemy, it doesn’t matter: both are human beings and both need their dignity and respect.
You will find your original face only when you have destroyed all your masks – not in a mirror. My effort is not to give you a mirror which gives you a good feeling that you have a beautiful face, that this is your original face. I want you to find your original face, and the only way is that when every mirror you come across…
Every human being is a mirror. Have you ever watched a beggar? He will not ask you for anything if you are alone on the street because he knows that alone you are not going to give him anything except the advice, “You are strong enough, you don’t have to be a beggar. Don’t be a parasite, just go and find some work. You are the people who have destroyed this country.”
The beggar will follow you, and when there are people around, then he will ask, then he will hold your legs, your feet, saying, “Give me something. I am dying. For three days I have not eaten anything!” And you will give.
Deep down you hate him, deep down you want to hit that beggar. But you will give him something because you want to keep your prestige, your mask, in front of those people, so they will think “He is a very generous man, a great man, very religious. He knows what charity is.” But they don’t know what is going on inside you.
You know that fellow. Every day he has been saying the same thing to you – “For three days I have not eaten anything.” And still he gets away with it in a crowd. So you will find beggars in places where there is a crowd: in the marketplace, near the movie hall, near your customers if you are a shopkeeper, in front of your friends or anybody to whom you have been bragging about your kindness and your compassion and your greatness.
Beggars know perfectly well – it is not one-sided – that not only are you saying something else inside while giving him some money, the beggar is also saying something else inside; he also has masks. He knows that he has got the idiot in the right place. He knows that now you cannot escape. He is thinking he is making a fool of you, but on the surface he is telling you, “Great will be your reward in paradise. God will give you a thousand times more.”

I was in Allahabad, speaking at the Allahabad University, and as I was entering the university a beggar caught hold of me. Allahabad is one of the most prominent Hindu religious cities, because it is where three holy rivers meet. Hindus think that where three rivers meet – they call it sangam, the meeting – that place becomes holy. And in a holy place you will find more beggars than anywhere else because naturally everybody who comes there pretends to be holy, and to prove it he has to give to the beggars. The more he gives, the holier he is.
The beggar caught hold of me, thinking I was just like anybody else. The professors who were waiting to receive me were there, so he must have thought, “This is the right time.”
He said, “If you give me just one rupee, God will give you a million times more.”
I said, “If you have such an intimate relationship with God, ask directly! Why put me in between unnecessarily. I don’t have any contact with God and I don’t want a million rupees – what will I do with them?”
The beggar said, “My God! I have never seen such a man! You don’t need one million?”
I said, “I don’t need even one rupee, and I don’t have one!” He looked at me, surprised.
I said, “You have to believe me; you can check. I don’t even have pockets. Where to keep one rupee?”
He looked at my robe. There were no pockets. He said, “You are the worst fellow I have come across. And it seems you don’t believe in God.”
I said, “You are right. I neither believe in money nor in God. You have to find somebody else who believes in money and who believes in God and who believes in respectability.”
I don’t believe in anything. All these professors… I didn’t care. Because I don’t brag, I said to the beggar, “If this is the way a transaction is made, you give me one rupee and get one million rupees from God.”
He looked at me and he said, “This is too much! Not a single man in my whole life has asked me for one rupee. There have been people who have not given, but asking…!”
I said, “According to your ideology, I am just giving you a chance of getting one million rupees in paradise. Don’t miss the opportunity! You have given the opportunity to many people in your life. I am giving you the opportunity, I am the only man who is missing out on one million rupees for just one rupee. Do it. It is a bargain!”
He simply turned his face from me and ran away. I said, “Where are you going? I will be coming wherever you go unless you give me one rupee. And I am going to stay in this city for ten days!”
The professors said, “You have done a miracle. We have been trying to get rid of this beggar. He stands just in front of the door. It looks so ugly, and he harasses everybody, and everybody has to give something. But you have done something great. He has run away! We have been trying, but he is a strong fellow. And every professor was afraid that he may be vengeful, thinking: ‘When I go out of the university, he may give me a good lesson, so it is better not to bother him.’ He is almost a wrestler, but he has run away!”
For ten days he didn’t appear at the university gate. When I left the university I told the professor in charge, who had arranged my lectures at the university, “Please send me a card if he returns.”
He said, “What do you mean? Are you coming back?”
I said, “No, I just want to know whether he comes back or not.”
And after three or four days I received the news that after exactly ten days – on the eleventh – he was present, “He is again torturing us.”

You have to find the original face that you brought with you when you were born, when you were without the crippling by society, without the impositions of masks by your parents, without the diplomacy learned in life. You can find it, but you will have to find it in all the people you meet. And whenever you see any mask, drop it.
Those masks are not going to help you. Those masks are the barriers between you and the ultimate. Once those masks are dropped, suddenly you find there was no other barrier, you are one with the universal energy, you are one with the cosmos.

Little Ernie has been driving his mother crazy, so she starts visiting a psychiatrist. On her second visit the shrink asks her, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?”
“Yes,” replies Ernie’s mother.
“And how is your little Ernie?” he asks.
She looks up and says, “Who cares?”

So be silent, calm and quiet – meditation is a nonmedicinal tranquilizer – and then you will not care whether you are facing your servant or your boss, friend or enemy. Who cares? They are all human beings, equally respectable, equally beautiful. There is no need to make any judgment.
And finally you are asking, “How can I become more sensitive toward myself?” First start becoming sensitive toward trees, rivers, mountains, oceans, because they will not in any way be attacking you. So you need not have defense measures. Your insensitivity is nothing but your defense. People become hard just to protect themselves. So first start with the beautiful existence around you. Trees won’t attack you; be a little more sensitive. Stars won’t attack you; be a little more available. There is no need to be afraid. Mountains, clouds, the sun and the moon – just become open to them.
I’m giving you the first step in becoming sensitive – why are you insensitive? That has to be looked into. You are insensitive because it is a very tough society with tough competition. For the whole of life everybody is at everybody else’s throat; cut as many throats as possible and you will be a great man.
Just the other day I was looking at data: Genghis Khan alone killed forty million people; Nadir Shah alone killed thirty million people; Tamerlane also killed seventeen million people, and statistics are not available for Alexander the Great or Napoleon Bonaparte. But the data is available for Joseph Stalin: he killed thirty million Russians after the revolution. Adolf Hitler killed six million Jews in Germany, and in total – because of him – fifty million people were killed in the Second World War. It is a very insane society. One has to protect oneself, otherwise you will be killed for small things.
My eye specialist is here. He has brought me a beautiful pair of glasses and he told me a story about those beautiful glasses. They have become so precious and so valuable – their design is unique – that just in New York six people were killed because they had those sunglasses. It is very difficult to get them. The price is very high and the waiting list is long – six months, eight months. Who is going to wait for eight months? Not in New York! Things have to be done quickly, people want everything to be done with speed. Instant coffee – that is the motto. Six people were killed, just for a pair of glasses. It is unbelievable.
But this is how things are going on. You may not be clearly aware of it, for your unconscious goes on protecting you. That’s what makes you insensitive.

I used to live with a friend. He was a very rich man. I watched his strange behavior: when he came into the house, he would walk very fast and he would not look here or there. The servants were working in the garden, the gardeners were working, his children were playing, and whenever he came all his children would become serious. He would keep that same hardness even with his wife.
After watching for two or three days, I had to tell him, “It is strange behavior.”
He said, “You don’t know… If I just relax a little bit my wife says: ‘We need a new car. This car is one year old. New models have come out.’ I have to keep a hard, stony face. That keeps her afraid to mention the new car. If I relax a little bit every child starts asking for money. Servants, if I even just stand a little bit…”
He never looked at his own garden, he never looked at the beautiful flowers.
I said, “What is the purpose of this garden? You never go in the garden, you never look at the roses, you never sit on the lawn. And you have the most beautiful lawn.”
He said, “It is dangerous; once I go into the garden the mali comes, asks for a raise in his monthly salary. If I say anything about the roses like, ‘You have grown beautiful roses,’ that’s enough! I don’t want to raise the salaries, so I have to avoid my own garden!”
He was a totally different person outside his house than he was inside his house. I knew him only outside his house. That’s why I accepted his invitation when he said, “I have a big bungalow – half is empty. Why don’t you come? And you love a garden. I have a beautiful garden and you can have half the bungalow.”
I said, “What will I do with half the bungalow? Just one room is enough for me.”
He said, “But you can have it for guests or others.”
So I moved into his house. Then I came to see a totally different man. I told him, “This is an ugly attitude. You have enough money to purchase a new car, you have enough money to raise those poor servants’ salaries a little bit, you have enough money to give some to your own children for toys or for sweets or something. It is not going to make you bankrupt.”
I gave him an absolute ultimatum. “If you don’t change, I cannot live in your house. Only if you change will I live in your house. I cannot see this ugly behavior with your own children. They are so happy, running, enjoying. The moment you come they all become serious, they all start reading their books, doing their homework.
“I see your wife is so relaxed when you are not here. She brings things for me – tea or coffee – or if she prepares some sweets she brings some for me. She is such a lovely lady, but the moment you enter the house, she becomes just a mirror image of you.
“This I cannot tolerate. I give you three days. Either you change or I will change houses. I was perfectly happy in my own house. You dragged me here unnecessarily and not only will I leave the house, you will lose a friend, too.”
He said, “But three days is too short a time to change such a long habit.”
I said, “How many days do you want?”
He said, “It is difficult to say. I will try my best, but don’t make a deadline. I am unkind to these people, I accept; don’t you be unkind to me.”
I said, “That’s okay, I will remain here. I will not make a deadline, but it is better that you be quick. Otherwise I will not inform you – any night I can disappear.”
It took him almost six months to relax in his own house although he was perfectly relaxed outside it.

Your sensitivity first has to learn to be sensitive with the universe, which is not attacking you. You need not be afraid. Then be sensitive with human beings. That will be a little difficult. You may find yourself in the same position as my friend. But it is worth it. And only when you are sensitive to the universe, to human beings, to the animals, can you at last be sensitive to yourself. That is going to be the final step.
You have been condemned from the very beginning – you have been taught, “You are worthless, you don’t even deserve to exist, you have to earn respectability, prestige…” You have become very hard upon yourself. This is called discipline; this is used to create men with steel spines. Every society is trying, every parent is trying, so that his children will become stalins – that is the Russian word for a man of steel – because they are preparing you for a world where you will find only struggle, cunningness, cheating, hypocrites, all kinds of conmen. So you have become very hard inside.
Relax from the outer circumference of your being and then go on moving inward. Finally you will be able to relax in your deepest core and that is the meeting with existence.
Finally you ask, “How can I say yes to what I am, and no to what I am not?” There is no need. When you know what you are, it is enough. That which you are not will disappear. It is you who are clinging to it. It is not your false personality that is clinging to you. To know the real is to be free from the unreal. There is no question of choice. It is not that you have to choose that this is the real, and that is the unreal, how to say yes to the real, how to say no to the unreal.
In the very understanding that something is unreal, you have said no to it. In the very understanding that something is authentic and real, you have already said yes to it, without saying a single word. Just knowing the difference between the false and the authentic, between the mask and the original face, is enough.
Meditate deeply and all that I have said to you will become absolutely clear. Don’t start thinking about it, otherwise you will get more into puzzles, more into complexities.
Just sit silently and meditate on whatever I have said to you. A great clarity is bound to come; it always comes. It has come to many of my people. There is no reason why it will not come to you.

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