Q: It seems to me that I am becoming really mad.
You have always been mad it is not that you are becoming mad. You are becoming a little bit more alert about it.
Mind is madness. Thats why you dont look within. If you look within, you will find a mad rush. Not only one mad person is there, there is a mad crowd. And the whole crowd is at each others necks. Thats why I go on saying Look within. So says Socrates, so says Buddha, so says Jesus – Look within. The kingdom of God is within.
Nobody is willing to look within. They listen, they say Okay, sometime we will look. But nobody is ready to look. Why? Because when you look within, you dont see a kingdom of God, you see a madhouse. When you look within, you dont see the blissfulness of Buddha, you see just neurosis. You see the same thoughts repeating, repeating – as if a gramophone record has got stuck and goes on repeating the same, the same, the same. When you meditate you start becoming aware. When you become aware you feel you are becoming mad. No! If you are becoming aware that you are becoming mad, you are getting away from it, you are going beyond it.
A person who is aware that he is mad is already on the threshold of sanity. A mad person is never aware that he is mad. You can go to the madhouse and ask mad people. They will laugh. Nobody will be ready to say that he is mad. They think the whole world is mad except themselves. This is a criterion of a mad person – he thinks the whole world is mad except himself.
What about a sane person? Lao Tzu says, The whole world seems to be very intelligent except me. The whole world seems to be very clear except me – I am confused. The world seems to have clarity, transparency of mind, I am muddle-headed. The whole world is clever and wise, I am an idiot. Look what Lao Tzu is saying. This is the indication of a sane man – the sanest ever.
So, Satisha – this is a question from Satisha – you are coming closer to sanity because you are becoming aware of your madness. Watch it. Dont get scared and dont rush out. Go into it. Look into it. Go into it and look into it. Persistent perseverance is needed.
Just remember one thing: the one who is aware is not the one you are aware of. The observer is separate from the observed. If you see a mad thought running, humming inside, you are not that thought – you are the witness that knows that it is there.
You say: it seems to me that I am becoming really mad. Then there are two things: something is going mad and something is watching. That watcher is you. Mind is always mad, thats why we dont watch the mind. Watch the mind and you will start feeling what is happening. You never thought that you were mad, now you feel as if you are. It is a good sign, a good indication. You are coming closer to home.
A man was charged with striking a woman fellow-passenger in a double-decker bus. The magistrate asked him what excuse he could offer.
Well, Sir, it was like this, replied the culprit. She sat on the seat beside me on the lower-deck of the bus. Then she opened her bag, took out her purse, closed her bag, opened her purse, took out a dime, closed her purse, opened her bag, put back the purse and closed her bag.Then she noticed the conductor was going upstairs, so she opened her bag, took out her purse, closed her bag, opened her purse, put in her dime, closed her purse, opened her bag, put in her purse and closed her bag. Then she saw the conductor coming down the stairs so she opened her bag, took out her purse, closed her bag, opened her purse, took out a dime and closed her….
The magistrate could not bear it any longer. Stop! he cried. You will drive me crazy.
Thats just what happened to me, Sir, said the man.
That is what is happening to your mind continuously. If you watch it, it feels as if it will drive you crazy, but watching is the only way to go beyond it. Otherwise whether you know it or not, you are crazy. Just by not knowing it you dont become a sane person.
Watch it, go into it, Satisha. And I know Satisha must be getting crazy. Today she asked almost three dozen questions. She must be going crazy! But it is good. In your becoming alert you are blessed. Hold on to this alertness. Get more centred in this alertness. The more alert you become, the further away the noise of the mind will go. When you are really centred the mind disappears – because it is the same energy that is involved in the thoughts which is used in centring. When the energy becomes centring, thoughts simply flop dead. They dont have any energy. They disappear.
Osho, Tao: The Pathless Path, Vol 2, Ch 12, Q 6