My life has been filled with adventures since an early age. Being a Sagittarian, I played with bows and arrows as a child and remember shooting my neighbor even though Dennis was a cute boy and I liked him. The arrow had a rubber tip. I grew up in New Jersey and escaped at the earliest possible time, never to return.

Although I got married and did many exciting things, my life really began after a tragedy. My husband and five-year-old daughter died in a car accident, and I was left with my six-month-old son. My mother-in-law wanted me to stay in Virginia, but I knew I had to get back out west or I would suffocate. So, I went back to Sedona, Arizona. I was there before it became a Mecca for new agers and my husband and I had the first herb shop and natural foods restaurant there.

Up to this point, I was a meditator and had read a lot of related books such as Autobiography of a Yogi, but I had never been in the presence of a living master. Somehow I knew there was something missing. Now, Sedona, as we all know, has a powerful energy vortex drawing spiritual people. I remember the first person I saw dressed in orange although I can’t remember his name now. He was a photographer in West Sedona and he had such beautiful energy that I was attracted and asked about his mala. Well, of course, one thing led to another and I started reading Osho books even though I heard people say, oh, that’s the sex guru. The first one was The Mustard Seed. My heart just opened and it was a big aha, here is the one I’ve been waiting for!

Circumstances moved me to Santa Fe, where I thought I would live for a long time, but existence had another plan. I met a man who just happened to be with someone who had shot a policeman, and so my friend was also in trouble. Since he was hanging out with me, they knew that I knew, and I realized that it was time to move. There are more details, but that is the brief.

I can remember sitting down to meditate and asking, where on this planet am I supposed to go? I actually heard a voice saying, go to Maui. I had never been to Maui, but it felt so right that I packed our bags and my son and I flew to Maui, where I didn’t know a soul. It only took a little while before I connected with a group of sannyasins, and they were all going to the Ranch in Oregon, to Rajneeshpuram. I remember being attracted to their energy because they were so alive, fun and loving. I just knew that this was for me. So, I dyed all my clothes in shades of red and purple, and soon my little son and I arrived in Oregon.

This is where my life really began. The first time I was in the presence of Bhagwan, I felt an energy rush that amazed me and touched my heart so deeply that I had no doubt whatsoever that I was on the right track. On July 4, 1984, I took sannyas, and it is no coincidence that July 4th is Independence Day.

Taking sannyas was the beginning of real freedom for me. My 5-year-old son, Zain, came and said he wanted to take sannyas a few days later. I said, “You don’t have to do this because I did it or other people do. The only reason is if you feel Bhagwan is your master. And, if you do, you need to go up there by yourself.” Well, on July 11th, he did just that and became Swami Jivan Zain.

After Osho left the USA and Rajneeshpuram ended, we went to the Pune Commune several times. Each time we stayed for 6 months and Zain had the opportunity to grow up with people who were joyful, loving and meditative. Although he had lost his father, he gained so many role models in the Commune that he grew up very balanced and meditative.

Those years in Pune were so beautiful for us and many others. I can’t even describe the magic of sitting in Buddha Hall at night in the presence of Osho. Time stood still and the joy was from the beyond. At times there were 5,000 or more of us meditating and celebrating.

After Osho left His body, I sat with many masters and enjoyed them all. Although I wasn’t seeking another master, they each showered consciousness and love, and I was grateful to be in their presence. However, Osho is still my Master and I am eternally grateful to Him.

“You have to declare your independence, your freedom, even while you are not enlightened, because this freedom, this independence will pave the path towards enlightenment.

 Of course, after enlightenment there is no need to be dependent. Because there is no need to be dependent, you can be grateful, you can have compassion, and you can understand the compassion of the master. It is difficult in your darkness, in your unconsciousness, to understand compassion and love.

 But that should not be your concern at this moment. At this moment, your sole concern is meditation. Go deeper into meditation and you will find compassion, and you will find understanding of compassion. You will find freedom, and you will find that freedom does not mean ungratefulness, unthankfulness. There is no need to show it; your heart will beat with it, your heart will continuously ring a bell of great blissfulness, benediction, and of gratitude for the master. But it is not dependence.

 No master who is authentic will ask your surrender, your commitment. These are the frauds who ask your surrender, who ask your commitment, who ask that ‘You have to be under my control, under my instructions. You cannot leave the fold.’

 This is not a fold, this is purely a gathering of individuals. It is not a society, neither is it a club, nor a church. It is not an organization.

 I love to share! – and you are thirsty, and I have enough water to share with you. Because I know the secret, the more I share the more I have, so I am not a loser – and you will be gaining deeper and deeper insights into existence and its mysteries.

 But there is no question of any dependence on me. I am just your friend. It is your love if you call me your master. You are not commanded to call me your master. You can call me your friend, you can even ask the question without addressing me. The address is not the point. You are related to me in deep love, without any conditions – either from your side or from my side.

 I have to explain it to you.

 Whenever you make somebody dependent on you, you also become dependent on that person. Have you ever thought about it, that dependence is a mutual phenomenon? The master of a slave is also a slave of the slave. The leader of the people is also a follower of the people. The leader is continuously looking where the masses are going; he jumps ahead, to remain the leader. He goes on saying what the masses want to hear, and whether that is harmful or poisonous does not matter. Whatever the masses want to hear, he goes on saying it.

 Never make anybody dependent on you – your wife, your husband, your children – because the more you make them dependent on you, the more you are becoming dependent on them. Allow freedom to your wife, to your husband, to your children. Help them to be independent, and that will help you to be independent of them.”

Osho, Christianity: The Deadliest Poison and Zen: The Antidote to all Poison, Ch 1, Q 2

From the book, Past the Point of No Return by Ma Anand Bhagawati