I cannot imagine life without you. At the same time, I cannot believe that I am here with you – I, who am totally useless for anything. After ten years of my stumbling, you are still pouring your love on me. In front of such enormous treasures, I keep doing stupid things.
Beloved Master, I am constantly biting your finger. Each time I realize this, I feel I hurt you: I am a helpless disciple. Is there something, some pattern that I have been repeating again and again in the past?
No, it has nothing to do with the past.
You are for the first time a seeker. So rejoice that you are growing in your alertness: you can see your stumblings, you can see your stupidities.
Just seeing is the way to get rid of them. See clearly, but don’t try to get rid of them. The people who try to get rid of something… it simply means their seeing is not strong enough, and they are trying to make up for it by doing something.
If seeing is intense enough, total, it is a fire.
So the first thing: don’t be worried about past lives. This is a fresh adventure, you are not repeating any pattern. Then it would be very difficult to get out of it, because you have repeated that pattern so many times that it has become almost second nature. When you are fresh, a new seeker, things are very easy because you don’t have any pattern to repeat.
Just be alert and go on seeing things as they are. If it is a mistake, to see it as a mistake is enough: you will not commit it again. You need not even decide that “I will not commit it again.” Just seeing it… Once you have seen that two plus two is four, not five, you don’t take any decision that “I will not make the same mistake again, of making two plus two equal five.” There is no need – you have seen the fault and it has disappeared.
See where you stumble. Perhaps there is a stone on the way – use it as a stepping stone. One has to use everything for one’s growth – mistakes, stumbling, stones, faults, everything is a learning, just you have to be alert.
And you are not unworthy. Nobody is. Existence does not allow unworthy people. Even though we may think somebody is unworthy, he must have some worth because existence is still nourishing him, helping him, hoping that he will change. Nobody is unworthy.
And you need not be thankful or grateful towards me. I am your master. If you achieve, I achieve; if you fail, I fail. This is the contract. So in your glory is my glory; in your becoming awakened, I will become awakened again.
With each disciple becoming awakened, I will have to become awakened again and again.
So don’t be bothered with anything else. Pour your whole energy into working for consciousness… and you have the capacity. This question is from Geeta. I had to repeat inside myself, “Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna,” to remember her name!
You have the capacity and you are immensely valuable. So drop that idea of unworthiness, because those are the ideas that society has been teaching everybody: “You are unworthy, you cannot do anything in your life. You have to prove yourself.”
To me, the situation is totally different. Everybody is born worthy. It is just that we push him into wrong directions and make him unworthy. Unworthiness is something forced upon us – worthiness is our birthright.
And I am not forcing anybody into anything. I am simply bringing you back home to your own self.
Osho, The Path of the Mystic, Ch 23, Q 3