Come Come Yet Again Come 14

Fourteenth Discourse from the series of 15 discourses - Come Come Yet Again Come by Osho.
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Why does everybody think enlightenment is a joke?
It is! But only a child can ask such a beautiful question – this questioner is only twelve years of age. Enlightenment is a joke because it is not something that you have to achieve, yet you have to make all possible efforts to achieve it. It is already the case: you are born enlightened.
The word enlightenment is beautiful. We come from the source, the ultimate source of light. We are small rays of that sun, and howsoever far away we may have gone, our nature remains the same. Nobody can go against his real nature: you can forget about it, but you cannot lose it. Hence attaining it is not the right expression; it is not attained, it is only remembered. That’s why Buddha called his method sammasati.
Sammasati means right remembrance of that which is already there. Nanak, Kabir, Raidas have all called it surati. Surati means remembering the forgotten, but not the lost. Whether you remember or not, it is there – it is there exactly the same. You can keep your eyes closed to it – it is there. You can open your eyes – it is there. You can keep it behind your back – it is there. You can take a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn and see it – it is there. It is the same.
George Gurdjieff used to call his method self-remembering. Nothing is to be achieved, nothing at all, but only to be discovered. And the discovery is needed because we go on gathering dust on our mirrors. The mirror is there covered by dust. Remove the dust, and the mirror starts reflecting the stars, the beyond. Krishnamurti calls it awareness, alertness, attentiveness. These are different expressions for the same phenomenon. They are to remind you that you are not to go anywhere, not to be somebody else. You just have to find out who you are, and the finding is not difficult because it is your nature – just a little reshuffling inside, a little cleaning.

It is said that when Bodhidharma attained enlightenment, he laughed for seven days continuously. His friends, his disciples, thought he had gone mad. They asked him, “Have you gone mad?”
He said, “I was mad, now I have become sane. I have gone sane!”
“Then why are you laughing?” they asked.
He said, “I am laughing because I have been searching for thousands of lives for something which was already within me! The seeker was the sought, and I was looking everywhere else – I was looking everywhere except inside.”

The famous Sufi woman, Rabiya al-Adabiya, one evening when the sun was setting, was found searching for something just in front of her door on the road. A few people gathered and they said, “Rabiya, what have you lost? We can help you.”
She was an old woman and loved by the people, loved because she was beautifully crazy. Rabiya said, “I have lost my needle. I was sewing and I lost my needle. I am searching for it, and there is not much time because the sun is setting. If you want to help me, help quickly, because once the sun has set and darkness has descended, it will be impossible to find the needle.” So they all started a hectic search for the needle.
One of them suddenly thought, “The needle is such a small thing and the road is so big, and the sun is going down every moment, the light is disappearing – unless we know the exact spot where it has fallen it will be impossible to find it.”
So he asked Rabiya, “Will you please tell us where the needle has fallen exactly? Then it will be possible to find it. Otherwise soon there will be darkness, and the road is very big and the needle is very small.”
Rabiya started laughing. She said, “Please don’t ask that, because I feel embarrassed by the question!”
They all stopped searching. They said, “What is the matter? Why should you feel embarrassed?”
She said, “I feel embarrassed because I lost the needle inside the house, but because there is no light there, how can I find it? Outside on the road there is just a little light from the setting sun.”
They all said, “Now you have gone completely crazy! We had always suspected that you were not sane, but this is an absolute proof.”
Rabiya said, “You think me insane, yet you have been doing the same for lives together – and you are sane? Where have you lost yourself, and where are you trying to find it? Where have you lost your bliss, and where are you trying to find it? It is lost in your inner world, and you are searching on the outside!”

Everywhere people are running with great speed. Time is short, the sun is setting; any moment the darkness can descend. Run as fast as you can! Man has been inventing faster and faster ways to reach, but if you ask him, “Where do you want to reach?” he feels embarrassed; he is not really clear where he wants to reach. One thing he is clear about is that he wants to reach there quickly because life is short and much has to be found. The soul, God, bliss, truth, freedom – so many things have to be found, and his hands are absolutely empty.
In that sense enlightenment is certainly a joke. If you understand it, there is no need to seek and search; you can just close your eyes and find it. But this question coming from a small child is beautiful. The grown-up person will not be able to ask such a sane question. The grown-up person will ask, “What is enlightenment? How has it to be found? What are the right methods, ways and means? How should one live? What virtues should be cultivated? What prayers should be said?” And all those questions look very relevant.
Your question does not look very relevant, but it is relevant, more relevant than any grown-up person can ever ask. Grown-up people ask questions which look good in the asking, but they are not really interested in asking an authentic question – they are afraid of asking the authentic question.

In an old Scottish mansion the resident ghost is floating through the living room. Everybody seems to be scared to death except a little boy who is watching the spectacle with a curious look on his face.
“Hey, Mister Ghost,” he says, “have you lost your handkerchief?”
“No,” replied the ghost, “that’s not a handkerchief, that’s my son!”

But only a small boy could have asked, “Hey, Mister Ghost…” All the grown-ups were very much scared; they must have been trembling, avoiding, pretending that they had not seen anything.

One little boy asked the other, “Did that play you saw last night have a happy ending?”
The other one said, “I’ll say. Everybody was happy when it was over.”

The Christian priest was telling the little boy, “Herb, I want you to remember that we are here to help others.”
Herb said, “Sure, but what are the others here for?”

“I never slept with a man until I married your father!” she declared emphatically to her unconventional teenage daughter. “Will you be able to say the same thing to your daughter?”
“Yes, Mother,” replied the girl, “but not with such a straight face!”

Mummy and Daddy are talking about the Millers who live next door. “Well, the stork is soon going to pay them a visit for the fourth time,” says Daddy.
Their little son laments, “They get one baby after another. And you – what are you doing? Hanging around doing nothing!”

Children are very perceptive! You cannot deceive them.

They were discussing the attraction older men have for young girls.
“My grandfather was like that. Young girls were crazy about him.”
“Was he crazy about them too?”
“He certainly was. He used to cut a notch on his cane after every conquest. And that’s what killed him.”
“Well, one day he made the mistake of leaning on his cane!”

You must have heard this comment among the small sannyasins in the ashram: “Why does everybody think enlightenment is a joke?” This must be coming from the small boys and girls; they must be thinking, “Enlightenment must be a joke. What is the need for enlightenment?” You need a teddy bear – you can understand that. You need a tricycle – that you can understand. You need a toy gun – that you can understand.
Just a few days ago a new visitor was seen carrying a big toy gun. The guards became a little bit concerned; he was continuously carrying it and even trying to hide it, but it was too big to hide. Then a woman sannyasin saw him also carrying the gun in the marketplace. The visitor was asked, “Why do you carry this gun?”
He said, “I feel so embarrassed, but what to do? I have brought my little son with me and he loves the gun! Without the gun he goes nowhere, and the gun is so big he cannot carry it himself, so I have to carry it; otherwise he won’t go anywhere, and I cannot leave him alone! His mother has not come; I was not aware that I would have to do this thing. Everywhere people are asking me, ‘Why are you carrying this gun?’ And it is only a toy gun! I feel embarrassed, I try to hide it, but the more I try to hide it the more people become curious – ‘Why?’”
Children have their own interests and they must be wondering, “Why? What is this enlightenment? And why are so many people interested in it? It must be some kind of joke!” In fact, it is a cosmic joke. It is God seeking himself. It is a game of hide-and-seek: God hides himself and then tries to find himself! Being alone, what else to do?

When I traveled in India for twenty years continuously, many times it happened that I would be in a train compartment with only one passenger. Because I was not interested in talking to the passenger, he would start playing patience – a game of cards you can play alone. You need not have any partner. They would feel a little embarrassed, but I would not pay any attention to them so they would start playing cards.
One day, a man said, “You must think that I am crazy playing cards alone.”
I said, “I don’t think you are crazy. This is my business too!”
He said, “What do you mean? You also play patience?”
I said, “No, but enlightenment is like patience.”

Enlightenment is a dialogue with your self, it is a monologue. You have to ask the question and you have to give the answer. When you see the futility, you become silent. That’s how Buddha became silent. Then one sits under the tree “Doing nothing and the spring comes and the grass grows by itself.” What to do? When the grass grows you have to cut it and again sit silently, and again the grass grows so you cut it again. Again and again…!
Just the other day I was talking about Gunakar. This is the third time he has become enlightened, and he will become enlightened many more times. Now he is feeling very sad – after each enlightenment he feels very sad. He is doing something impossible; nobody has done it before. After enlightenment people never feel sad again, but after each enlightenment he feels very sad. In fact, one enlightenment has always proved enough, more than enough. Three times he has become enlightened; then he becomes unenlightened again – and then the great sadness.
But he cannot control himself. The urge to become enlightened is so irresistible that within three or four months he will again forget and will become enlightened. To be enlightened may be a joke, but to become unenlightened is not a joke, it is a really serious affair!
So when he came for a blessing the other night he could not even look at me. I tried in every way, but he went on looking down, up, here, there, but he wouldn’t look at me. I forced his third eye very much, but what can you do? – Germans don’t have any third eye! You can go on pushing and pushing, and nothing happens!

The second question:
What part of Moses' teaching in the Sinai desert could bring down the ages such a chain of suffering to the Israeli nation?
Is there any fate for a nation?
And from your knowledge, did the Jews have any chain for transferring the Torah from one master to the other?
These two religions, Judaism and Hinduism, are the most ancient religions in the world. Just because they are the most ancient, they are the most rotten too! And out of this rottenness, what else can you expect? The mind of man clings to the old. Religion is not like wine, that the older it is the better: the fresher it is the better. Religion is not wine; it is just a hot cup of tea, an old, ancient cup of tea. But thousands of flies, and pundits and rabbis will be found in it – there will not be much tea in it at all! It was bound to happen.
The Hindus and the Jews both became dominated by the pundits, the scholars, theologians, rabbis. They lost track of the enlightened masters. Even though sometimes enlightened people happened in spite of the rotten tradition, they were not accepted, they were rejected.
Hinduism rejected Buddha, and Buddha was the peak of the whole Hindu consciousness – the greatest peak, the Everest. But Hindus rejected him for the simple reason that if he had been accepted that would have meant the death of the whole establishment – the exploitation and oppression by the priests – and they had great vested interests in it.
The same has been true of Judaism. Jesus was the peak, but the Jews rejected Jesus. In that very rejection, they rejected their own flowering. They remained a tree without flowers, in fact even without foliage – just a dead tree with no leaves, with no greenery, with no flowers, with no birds singing, no shade for travelers to sit underneath.
Whenever enlightened masters are rejected by any tradition that is an indication that the tradition is absolutely dead; it cannot absorb any new, fresh insight. The living tradition is that which is capable of absorbing new insights. They are always coming – God is not finished yet with creation. The idea that God finished within six days and then rested on the seventh is sheer nonsense. God is not finished yet – he will never be finished. God is not a person but creativity, not a creator but creativity. It goes on and on; God is still working. There is no holiday for God because the work itself is holy, the work itself is joy. When the work is not a joy, then you need a holiday; when it is tiring, when you are not in love with it, then you need a holiday. When you love it, it is a holiday, it is relaxation, it is rest. God is still at work, but the priest cannot accept it.
The Hindu priest says that God gave his message in the Vedas and that was the end of it. He gave all that was needed by man; nothing more is needed at all. The Jews think that the Old Testament is the end of the story. It is only the beginning, not the end. And beginnings cannot be very great, remember, they are bound to be childish.
Remember the difference between childlike and childish: to be childlike is to be a sage, and to be childish is not to be a sage. To be childish means to be immature; it needs much improvement, growth, maturity.
Judaism and Hinduism have both remained immature. They had the opportunity to become mature. Buddha could have transformed the whole Hindu world, he could have given it splendor, but he was rejected; the priests would not allow him entry. The Jews would have been the most significant people on the earth if Jesus had been absorbed. But strange are the ways of man, very strange: the Jews have been waiting and waiting for centuries for this same man, Jesus, to come. They were waiting for the Messiah to come, and when he came they rejected him – they rejected him absolutely.
The priesthood is like a cancer to every religion. The priesthood destroys every religious possibility, the very potential; it poisons the very source. That is the first thing to be understood. The priests are businesslike, they are businessmen. They are selling some invisible commodity to the world, and because the commodity is invisible, it is very easy to sell. Because it is invisible you cannot catch them at what they are doing.

I have heard that a New York shop advertised that invisible hairpins had arrived, and there was a great queue of women. Invisible hairpins – who can miss? And they were selling like hotcakes.
A woman went in, she looked in the box – they were invisible hairpins, so what was there to see? It was an empty box!
She said, “But are they really there?”
The salesman said, “Lady, they are invisible hairpins. In fact, the truth is for three weeks we have been out of stock, but still they are selling. What difference can it make? When the pins are invisible, whether they are in stock or out of stock it makes no difference!”

Whether God exists or not, whether there is a heaven or not, whether there is a hell or not does not matter – these are invisible commodities, and priests have been selling these invisible commodities.
People like Jesus or Buddha are very pragmatic, very realistic. They don’t sell invisible commodities; they start making a great effort to make God visible on the earth. They themselves are a visible expression of God. Now, the priests cannot tolerate this. What will happen to their invisible commodities? It is such a vast establishment.
The Jews have been dominated by the rabbis, not by masters. The rabbi is the exact equivalent of a pundit. He knows the scriptures, but he is cunning, clever. He theorizes, he exploits your misery, he consoles you, he gives you comforts – but he is in business. And because the enlightened masters have not been accepted by the Jews, the whole community has become a community of businessmen; it has lost all other qualities.
I have heard the old story…

God wanted to sell the commandments. He asked a great Vedic seer, Yagnavalka, “Would you like to have the commandments?”
Yagnavalka looked at the commandments and he said, “No, because if you prohibit us from killing, our whole religion will be destroyed, because in our yagnas, in our worship, in our religious rituals, killing is a must.”
You will be surprised to know that today Hindus talk so much about nonviolence, but they are the most ancient violent people on the earth. Not only that, but they gave violence a religious color. Even cows were slaughtered in their religious rituals, and not only cows, but even men were slaughtered. Still, once in a while, it happens that small children are slaughtered in a religious ceremony, in a religious ritual. And this country calls itself nonviolent!
Yagnavalka said, “No, we don’t want the commandments. ‘Thou shalt not kill’ – then what will happen to our religion?”
God asked the French people. They said, “No, without adultery our whole joy will be lost. How can we exist without adultery? Adultery is the whole game of life that makes it enchanting, meaningful, that gives it some ecstasy, some excitement. No, it is not possible” – and so on and so forth.
God went to all the races, and then finally, as a last resort he asked Moses, “Would you like to have the commandments?”
Moses asked, “How much?”
And God said, “Free of charge.”
Then Moses said, “I will have ten.” He never looked to see what those commandments were – if they are free, then why not have ten?

That’s how the Ten Commandments came into the hands of the Jews! The Jews became a society basically of businessmen and that created great hatred against them. They became cunning, clever, and people became jealous of them.
You ask me: “What part of Moses’ teaching in the Sinai desert could bring down the ages such a chain of suffering to the Israeli nation?” Moses’ basic revolution was not religious, it was political. He was fighting against the slavery imposed by the Egyptians on the Israelis. Hence the color of his revolution was less religious and more political. That’s why in Judaism you will not find enlightened masters like Buddha, Lao Tzu or Krishna, but you will find prophets.
The word prophet is absolutely irrelevant in the Eastern context. You cannot call Buddha a prophet; he has nothing to do with prophecy. You cannot call Mahavira a prophet, you cannot call Lao Tzu a prophet – the word will not fit – but all the Jewish religious leaders are prophets. The prophet is a special thing that has happened to Judaism. The prophet is something in between the religious master and the political leader – a crossbreed. He is religious and political.
Moses’ inspiration was basically political. Nothing is wrong with it – he was fighting for freedom, he was fighting against slavery. It is good, but the fight was on the outside; the religious fight is inner. That beginning made Jews very outward, very extrovert. That extroversion made them businesslike. They lost track of the inner world. Yes, once in a while a few people escaped from this pattern – Jesus escaped, but he was crucified.
Then other masters learned that if you want to escape it is better to escape silently. Then silent societies existed, silent mystery schools existed in the deserts, in the caves. Hasidism in particular is the fragrance of the whole Judaic religion. If the whole Judaic religion is destroyed and we can save Hasidism, then all is saved. It is exactly the same: if we can save Sufism and the whole of Mohammedanism disappears from the world, nothing is lost. If we can save Zen then the whole of Buddhism can be forgotten, because that is the very essence of it.
But the Hasids learned that it was better to live inside the conventional mode; it was unnecessary to get crucified. After Jesus they learned one thing: don’t proclaim. The Jews won’t accept it. The extrovert people become desert-like inside, and that creates hatred against them.

A beggar asked a rich Jew for something to eat.
The Jew says, “You look very Jewish and I am in a good mood today, so, if you can guess rightly which of my eyes is a glass eye, I will give you something.”
The beggar looks into the Jew’s face and after a short glance says, “Your left one is the glass eye.”
“That’s right! But, tell me, how did you find out?” asks the Jew.
“It looks human.”

Jacob gets off the plane and arrives at customs with three bags and one parrot. The customs officer, opening the first bag, sees that it is full of coffee. “Who’s all this coffee for?” he inquires.
“It’s for the parrot to eat.” replies Jacob.
The customs officer then opens the second bag which is full of tape recorders, radios and watches. “And who is this for?” he demands.
“For the parrot to eat.” responds calm Jacob.
Opening the third bag, the officer stares unbelievingly at a suitcase full of gold and precious jewels. “And these jewels?” he shouts. “Are these for the parrot to eat too?”
“Yes,” replies our traveler. “Everything is for the parrot to eat.”
“And if the parrot doesn’t eat these things?” says the officer sarcastically.”
“If the parrot doesn’t eat them? If the parrot doesn’t eat them?” repeats an unbelieving Jacob. “Well then, if the parrot doesn’t eat, Jacob sells everything!”

Sergeant Kazawinsky of the Polish police force was attending the entrance examination for officer training.
“What are rabies, and how would you treat them?” he was asked.
The Polack was obviously puzzled and thought for a few moments. Then he brightened visibly. “Rabies are Jewish ministers, and I treats them with contempt!”

In a German prisoner-of-war camp the commandant announced over the loudspeakers: “I have some good news for you. Today is sports day. The English will play cricket on the cricket field, the Americans will play baseball on the baseball field, the Indians will play hockey on the hockey field – and the Jews will play hopscotch in the mine field!”

Adolf, the greatest conqueror of all times, asks Satan for a forty-eight-hour holiday on earth. After some hesitation, his wish is granted. However, he is back in hell after only twenty-four hours.
His comment: “Everything is topsy-turvy on earth. The Jews are into wars and the Germans are into money making!”

But things are changing. The time for a great change has come. The Jews have suffered much, but the basic cause is within themselves. Their rejection of Jesus has been the major part of their suffering. Secondly, they became extroverts, interested only in money and power; they lost their interiority. Any man who loses his inner world becomes shallow, empty, hollow, meaningless.
You ask me: “Is there any fate for a nation?” No, we create our fate; hence we can change it any moment we decide. We are born in absolute freedom; then it is our choice what to be.
You ask me: “And from your knowledge, did the Jews have any chain for transferring the Torah from one master to the other?” It has been there, but only in the Hasidic tradition, not in the ordinary formal Jewish religion. The Hasids have been thought to be mad people, but they carry the real essence, and that essence has nothing to do with Jews or Hindus or Mohammedans or Christians or Jainas or Buddhists. It is the same – it is a kind of religiousness. It has been carried from the master to the disciple. But that is not part of the main tradition; it has gone to the side – small labyrinths, but not the main asphalt road. The main Jewish current has been very worldly; it has lost track of all religion. But a few people have dared to go into the jungles on their own, alone, and they are the most beautiful people the world has ever known.
My love is for Hasids, for Sufis, for Zen people, for Tantrikas, for Yogis, for Taoists. These are non-formal people; they don’t really belong to any tradition as such, to any church as such, to any race as such, but they are the real people of godliness.

The last question:
There are sannyasins living all over the world who feel a deep connection with you. However, on celebration days there is always that longing to be in your silent presence in Buddha Hall. Can you please send a message to the thousands of sannyasins who will be celebrating in many countries, but not in your physical presence?
How about a few special jokes for us?
Remember one thing: that each of my sannyasins carries something of me. Each of my sannyasins becomes a part of me, spiritually, physically, in every possible way. My sannyasins are not believers; my sannyasins are in a love affair. It is a mad phenomenon! So wherever my sannyasins meet, my presence will be felt. Wherever my sannyasins celebrate, my message is realized, because celebration is my message.
Rejoice! Sing! Dance! Dance so totally that your egos melt and disappear. Dance so totally that the dancer is no longer there, but only the dance remains. Then you will find me wherever you are.
It has now to be a known and recognized fact that my buddhafield is not going to be confined to the small place where I will be living with a few thousand sannyasins. All the small communes, ashrams, centers, all over the world will become little buddhafields. We have to fill the whole earth with buddhafields. We have to create a chain of buddhafields. It can be done: if you can take some of my joy and some of my love and some of my laughter with you wherever you go, you will be taking the fragrance of the buddhafield there. You will be taking seeds.
Scientists say that in the beginning only one seed must have reached the earth by some coincidence – maybe a collision of stars, the explosion of a star. One seed – and the whole earth slowly, slowly became green. One seed is enough to transform the whole earth into a garden.
The same is true on higher planes too. Just a single seed of love, awareness, joy, is enough to create the buddhafield. So wherever you go, wherever you are, never forget for a moment that you are not far away from me.
Between a master and the disciple the question is not of physical distance at all. You can be sitting here physically, but you may not be in tune with me; then you are not here. You may be thousands of miles away, maybe on the moon, on Mars. It does not make any difference. But if your heart is beating with me, if you are attuned to me, if there is an inner connection, then you are in my physical presence. Neither time nor space makes any difference. The thing that makes the difference is love.
Next time when you celebrate, celebrate with the full recognition that I am there among you. Just recognition is needed and you will find me there.
Jesus is reported to have said, “Wherever four of my disciples are gathered together, I will be there.” He was not so fortunate as I am – his disciples were very ordinary people. I am fortunate in many ways: my disciples are in many ways very creative, talented, very intelligent, and exploding in love. So I can say to you that not even four are needed; just a single sannyasin is enough to make my presence felt by others.
So next time you are celebrating, make it a point that I am there, and you will feel it. It only needs recognition. If the recognition is not there, and even if I suddenly reach your celebration, you will not recognize me at all.
The story is…

It happened with Jesus: when he escaped from the cave in which his body was kept, when he resurrected after three days, obviously he tried to find out where his followers were. He found two followers who had lived with him for years, and he waited for them to recognize him. He walked with them for miles because they were going to another town. They talked – they talked about Jesus, they talked about the crucifixion, they talked about many things – but those two disciples could not recognize that the man they were talking to was Jesus himself.
It was as if a cloud prevented them. The cloud was that they were thinking that he was dead, finished, so there was no question of even asking, thinking, or reconsidering who this man was. They recognized him only when they sat in a small hotel to eat their lunch. When Jesus poured the wine and served the bread and the sweets to the disciples, then suddenly recognition arose in them. This was the way Jesus always used to serve them – the way he poured the wine, the way he gave them the bread and the butter and the sweets. The gestures, the very gestures were so unique to Jesus that suddenly a cloud disappeared and they fell at his feet.
Jesus said, “Why could you not recognize me? For two hours we walked together and talked about every kind of thing and gossiped, and yet you could not recognize me?”
They said, “There was no question of it, because a cloud was there in our eyes that you are dead. We did not even ask the question to ourselves.”

Remember, we take note of things only if we are consciously ready to take note. If you are not consciously ready to take note, somebody may pass by your side and you may not see him at all.
Next time you are celebrating, make it a known fact to all the sannyasins that I am there. Those who are in tune with me, those who really love me, those who are surrendered, those who have known some trust, will immediately feel the presence. The presence can even be felt more there than here because here you take it for granted that I am present; you need not make any effort. But there you will have to make a conscious effort to feel it. That very effort will make my presence more penetrating.
Now these are a few jokes for you to laugh at:

Salesgirl to shopper: “Yes, madam, these bras come in four sizes: small, medium, large and wow!”

The light in the whorehouse was out, so when Mimi came into the room she did not even look at the body of the man she was in bed with. After rolling around on the bed for a while, she stopped, looked at the guy and said, “What is this, man, don’t you have one?”
“Oh yes, I do!” answered the guy. “What I am missing is my left leg!”

Two Italian woodcutters were working in the forest. Suddenly one of them missed the tree with his ax and cut off his companion’s right leg in one blow.
In between screams and yells the other woodcutter angrily shouts, “If you do that again, I’m-a gonna kick-a the shit-a out of you!”

A Frenchman who recently arrived in New York was invited to a golden wedding anniversary. He didn’t understand the celebration and asked his American friend about it.
“Do you see those two old people?” asked his friend. “Well, they have been living together for fifty years and now they are celebrating their golden wedding.”
“Ah, ah!” exclaimed the Frenchman. “He live with the lady fifty years, and now he marry her. How noble!”

It was morning, and she was still in her robe. Pausing in the half-open entrance door of her home, she called to the milkman who had just then pulled up to the curb.
“Pardon me, but do you have the time?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said, “but not the inclination.”

The Polish Police Department sends their officers for an examination before giving them a promotion. Kazowinsky came back from the examination with his extra stripe and was warmly congratulated by his commanding officer.
“Good work! Tell us all about it!” said the inspector.
“Well,” replied Kazowinsky, “we were all close until the final question of the mathematics paper. They asked us to add two and two – I said five!” he announced proudly.
“But Kazowinsky, two and two are four, not five!” said the inspector.
“I know that now,” he grinned, “but I was the closest!”

A Polack answered a nationwide quiz program that gave away money even to the dumbest people.
“Okay, Mr. Kozakowsky, for one thousand dollars, tell us, which famous French general was defeated at the battle of Waterloo?”
The Polack looked puzzled.
“We’ll give you a clue,” smiled the questioner, and opened the door of a large refrigerator. Inside was a bottle of Napoleon brandy. Kozakowsky still looked bewildered and scratched his head.
“Just read the name you see and you win one thousand dollars. Now, what was the name of the general?”
The Polack stared for a moment, then smiled. “Of course,” he said, “it must have been General Electric!”

An Italian frog was traveling to America. On his way he passed a beautiful swamp where he met a big fat American frog. He said, “How-a are you doing-a?”
“Great!” replied the frog. “In swamp, out swamp, lots of food. Far out!”
The Italian leaped on and met another big American frog. “How-a are you doing-a?” he asked.
“Groovy, man, just great!” came the reply. “In swamp, out swamp, lots of food – great!”
The Italian began to feel very happy about his new land. He leaped on and met a tiny, skinny little girl frog.
“What’s-a wrong-a here?” he asked. “I have-a met-a two big-a fat-a frogs who said, ‘In-a swamp-a, out-a swamp-a, lots-a of food-a!’ But what-a has happened to you?”
The tiny frog whispered in answer, “I am Swamp!”

And the last:

“That parapsychology course at the Osho Meditation University is fabulous!” says Swami Francesco. “My ESP talents are developing so fast!”
“That’s hard to believe,” states his friend, Swami Giovanni, “you’d better prove it.”
“For instance, my telepathy,” says Francesco. “You just point at any door, and I shall give you remarkable particulars about the person who answers.”
“Okay, that door,” points his friend. “Tell me what will happen.”
“Well,” meditates Francesco. “I feel that a man whose girlfriend is having her period will open the door…”
“Hello, friends,” greets Swami Mariano, entering the room through the same door.
“Does your girlfriend have her period?” asks Giovanni.
“Shit!” answers Mariano, wiping his mouth and chin. “Can you see it?”

Enough for today.

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