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"I Have Been Keeping a Secret My Whole Life"

Osho: The Last Testament, Volume 3, Chapter 23

Osho,
You have said that your sannyasins' hearts beat in the same tune as your heart is beating. Can you talk to us more about this phenomenon? How does a disciple move from the head to the heart? Is it that sometimes a disciple is in tune with you and sometimes not? And, if so, what makes a disciple move away from you, and what helps a disciple to come back?

It's a little difficult to understand. Things of the heart are always difficult to understand. There are a few disciples who are, day in, day out, in a deep harmony with me. There is no gap. In fact, only they deserve to be called friends.

Here I would like to say something which I have been keeping a secret my whole life:

One beautiful morning, Gautam Buddha had gone for a walk with his caretaker, disciple, Ananda. It was fall time; the trees were getting almost naked and all the leaves were on the path. The wind was fluttering the trees, and the leaves were making beautiful sounds. Walking on those leaves, Buddha was immensely happy... the music of the dry leaves.

He took a few leaves in his hand. Ananda asked him, "Bhagwan, I have always been thinking to ask one thing, but privacy is so difficult. You are always surrounded by people. Today you are alone in this forest, and I cannot resist the temptation. I want to ask you: Have you said everything to us, or have you kept some secrets? Buddha said, "Do you see the leaves in my hand? And do you see the leaves all over the forest?" Ananda said, "Yes, I do see, but I don't understand that that is the answer." Buddha said, "You will understand. I have said only this much, and I have kept secret all these leaves that are in the whole forest."

My situation is just different. I have said the whole forest; only one thing I have kept secret, just one leaf. Buddha declared before his death that he would be coming again after twenty-five centuries, and that his name would be Maitreya. Maitreya means the friend. Buddhas don't come back; no enlightened person ever comes back, so it is just a way of saying....

What he was saying is of tremendous importance. It has nothing to do with his coming back; he cannot come back. What he meant was that the ancient relationship between the Master and the disciple would become irrelevant in twenty-five centuries. It was his clarity of perception -- he was not predicting anything -- just his clarity to see that as things are changing, as they have changed in the past and as they go on changing, it would take at least twenty-five centuries for the Master and disciple relationship to become out of date. Then the enlightened Master will be only the friend .

I had always wanted not to be a Master to anybody. But people want a Master, they want to be disciples; hence, I played the role. It is time that I should say to you that now many of you are ready to accept me as the friend. Those who are in tune with me continuously, without any break, are the only real friends.

There are people who are sometimes in tune with me and sometimes not in tune with me. You are asking why it happens. The reason is -- perhaps you may be surprised to know -- sometimes they are in tune with me because I am in tune with them, because whatever I am saying is in accordance with them. They feel, "This is perfectly right." They are not in tune with me. On the contrary, they feel they are in tune with me only because I am fulfilling some of their ideas, some of their expectations. That is illusion.

Once you are really in tune with me, you cannot fall out of it. But if somebody falls out of it, that simply means that I have said something, I have done something, which is not in accordance with you. You remain the judge. You have not dropped judgment. Your ego is still there.

I used to go for a walk every day with one of my professors. One day when we were coming back, another professor met us on the way. He was going for a walk; we were returning. He knew me but he did not know my professor. My professor was very new, he had just joined the department two, three days before. So he asked me, "Do you come here every day?" I said, "Yes, I come every day. And for three days my professor has also been coming with me." My professor looked annoyed. I asked him, "What is the matter? You look angry." He said, "Certainly. You come with me, and you said that I come with you." I said, "That's really right. How can a professor come with a student? It is always the student who comes with the professor. So forgive me. But this simply shows that you are an idiot; and from tomorrow you are not going to come with me."

People are strange. I had been there for two years. He had been there only for three days, but he wanted to hear that I was coming with him. Just the ego wants fulfillment everywhere. So it happens that when you feel that I am saying something which fulfills your expectations, you are with me, your heart is beating with me, you are in tune with me. No. Please forgive me for being straightforward -- only I am with you. Soon something happens -- I say something, I do something -- and your heart is no longer beating with me.

So remember one thing: when you are with me, then it is a continuum, without any gap. What I say, what I do, does not matter, because you are not a judge. You love me the way I am. I don't judge you. I love you the way you are. And if it changes, then remember it is a judgment, and rather than going with me, you are trying to drag me with you. And that is not very loving.

I can come with you, but you are in darkness and you will lead me in darkness. I have no trouble in coming with you. You cannot destroy my light; I can destroy your darkness.

I cannot lose anything by coming with you. You will have to lose many things by coming with me. And when you love someone, you are ready to lose anything, everything, even yourself. The moment you are ready to lose yourself, the friendship is complete. And then there is great beauty.

It is exactly twenty-five centuries after Buddha's death that I am changing the name of the Foundation so that it becomes Rajneesh Friends International. It is not only just a change of the name. It is going to change the very flavor of our whole movement. And you have to rise up so that what I want the movement to become, it becomes. So that the dream is realized.

Don't let me down. Okay?

Osho: The Last Testament, Volume 3, Chapter 23


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