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The No Book

# 9

Laughter Time with Osho:

 

1.

"This is a lesson in logic," said the old professor in the teahouse. "If the show starts at nine and dinner is at six, and my son has the measles, and my brother drives a Cadillac, how old am I?"

"You are eighty-four," replied Mulla Nasrudin promptly.

"Right," said the professor. "Now tell the rest of the fellows here how you arrived at the correct answer."

"It is easy," said Nasrudin. "I have got an uncle who is forty-two, and he is only half nuts. You must be eighty-four."

2.

Mulla Nasrudin went to see his lawyer about a divorce.

"What grounds do you think you have for a divorce?" the lawyer asked.

"It is my wife's manners," said the Mulla. "She has such bad table manners that she is disgracing the whole family."

"That's bad," the lawyer said. "How long have you been married?"

"Nine years," said the Mulla.

"If you have been able to put up with her table manners for nine years, I can't understand why you want a divorce now," the lawyer said.

"Well," said Nasrudin, "I did not know it before. I just bought a book on etiquette this morning."

3.

While exploring the wilds of South America, a man was captured by savages. They were dancing excitedly around before killing him when the explorer had a bright idea. He would baffle them with magic. Taking a cigarette-lighter from his pocket, he shouted, "I make fire!"

With a flick of the thumb, the lighter burst into flame. The savages fell back and gazed in wonder.

"Magic!" cried the explorer.

"It certainly is," said the chief. "It's the only time I ever saw a lighter work on the first try."

4.

Mulla Nasruddin and his wife are sitting one Sunday listening to the radio, when this faith healer comes on and he says, "If you have a part of your body you want healed, place one hand on the radio and the other hand on the afflicted part."

The wife placed one hand on the radio and the other on her heart. The Mulla placed one hand on the radio and the other on his appendage.

So the wife said, "Mulla, he's trying to cure the sick, not raise the dead."

5.

A man walked into a bar, ordered a drink, and proceeded to laugh out loud for about two minutes. When all eyes were upon him, he abruptly stopped laughing and started crying and sobbing. After about two minutes of this, a smile came into his face and he again broke into uncontrollable laughter. This was followed with another bout of crying. And then more laughter.

After about twenty minutes of alternate laughing and crying, he looked up at all the enquiring faces and said, 'Please forgive me, but my mother-in-law has just driven over a cliff in my new car!'

6.

Mulla Nasrudin and his partner closed the business early one Friday afternoon and went off together for a long weekend in the country. Seated playing canasta under the shade of trees, the partner looked up with a start and said. "Good Lord, Mulla, we forgot to lock the safe."

"SO WHAT," replied Nasrudin. "THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. WE ARE BOTH HERE."

7.

Mulla Nasrudin was stopped one day by a collector of charity and urged to "give till it hurts." Nasrudin shook his head and said, "WHY THE VERY IDEA HURTS."

8.

Mulla Nasrudin was scheduled to die in a gas chamber. On the morning of the day of his execution he was asked by the warden if there was anything special he would like for breakfast.

"YES," said Nasrudin, "MUSHROOMS. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID TO EAT THEM FOR FEAR OF BEING POISONED."

9.

The old man was ninety years old and his son, Mulla Nasrudin, who himself was now seventy years old, was trying to get him placed in a nursing home. The place was crowded and Nasrudin was having difficulty.

"Please," he said to the doctor. "You must take him in.

He is getting feeble minded. Why, all day long he sits in the bathtub, playing with a rubber Donald Duck!"

"Well," said the psychiatrist, "he may be a bit senile but he is not doing any harm, is he?"

"BUT," said Mulla Nasrudin in tears, "IT'S MY DONALD DUCK."

10.

Mulla Nasrudin, asked if he believed in luck, replied "CERTAINLY: HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN THE SUCCESS OF THOSE YOU DON'T LIKE?"