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Egos have no sex, no gender
Posted by Osho World Foundation    Friday, February 09, 2018 at 17:50
Sagarpriya, the ego is neither male nor female. The ego is simply the ego. The one who becomes resistant to the male ego is the female ego.

You are aware of the male ego, but you are not aware of your own ego. Who is resistant to surrender? Become more aware of your own ego, and then things will be easier. Everybody is aware of the ego of the other, but nothing can be done about the ego of the other. All that can be done is only with yourself.

You say, I find it almost impossible to surrender to the male ego.

Who is this who finds it almost impossible? Find out! And then you will be surprised: ego is ego; it is neither male nor female. Dont divide it. Egos have no sex, no gender; it is the same disease. If a woman has cancer, it is cancer. If a man has cancer, it is cancer. It is not male and female. Exactly like that is the ego: the cancer of the mind.

And who is telling you to surrender to the male ego? Surrender is never to the other. When two persons fall in love, both surrender to love; nobody surrenders to the other. If there is an effort from the other that you should surrender to him, avoid him - this is not love. Love never demands surrender. Surrender happens naturally in love, there is no demand for it.

If the man demands surrender from your side, he does not love you. Dont get entangled into such an unloving affair. He hates you, otherwise why should he demand surrender? He wants to possess you, he wants to reduce you into a thing. He wants to use you, exploit you. He thinks of you only as a body, as a mechanism. He does not respect you as a person, as a presence. This is humiliating, this is not love. Avoid it.

But surrender happens when there is love. And nobody demands, and nobody surrenders to the other - neither the man to the woman, nor the woman to the man. They both surrender to the god of love. They both surrender to this new opening in their being. And when both surrender to love there is beauty and there is freedom. You are not reduced to being a slave. In fact, only in love do you attain dignity, only in love do you attain to your grandeur. Only in love is your splendour released. This is the indication of real love: that you become more than you were before, not less, and you are freer than you ever were. Love gives freedom.

That is the very taste of love. If it is missing, if it is anti-freedom, then avoid it as one avoids the plague. Dont get into it - it is something else masquerading as love. But when love is there, you will find surrender has already happened; it is simultaneous. The moment you feel love for somebody, the surrender has happened. That is what love is. Not surrender - let me repeat again - to the other, but surrender to an unknown force that has taken possession of you two. But that is totally different from you and totally different from the other - you both have bowed down to an unknown energy. You become two pillars separate from each other, still supporting the same roof. You support something that is beyond you, above you, that transcends you, but you remain separate.
Love makes you more of an individual. It does not efface your individuality, it gives you individuality, it gives you uniqueness. Love is very respectful.

Sagarpriya, you say, I find it almost impossible to surrender to the male ego. Instead I become competitive, resistant or frightened.

These are the ways of the ego. The other may have the ego, may not have the ego - I dont know about the other, who is that other? - but one thing is certain: you have a very subtle ego. That ego becomes competitive. Ego is competitive, intrinsically competitive. The ego becomes resistant or frightened, and in the fear, in the resistance, in the struggle, in the competitiveness, love is destroyed.

One thing is certain: you have to become aware of your subtle egoistic approach towards life. it. At least from your side let it disappear. And then you will be surprised: maybe the other was not demanding any surrender; it was just your ego that projected it on the other. If it is so, now you can surrender to love. If it is not so and the other is still demanding... And you will be able to know rightly only when there is no resistance in you, when there is no fear in you, no competition in you. Then you will have clarity, you will have a transparency, you will be able to see through and through. And immediately you will know whether the other is demanding a surrender to him, or the demand is coming from something which is beyond you both. If it is from beyond you both, surrender. If it is coming from the other, avoid it. That other person is mad; he needs all compassion. Pity him, but dont fall in love, because to fall in love with an ego-maniac is dangerous; he will destroy you.

This much you owe to yourself.

Osho, The Secret of Secrets Vol. 1, Ch 4, Q 2