| MA PREM GITAMO
Thank You, Osho!
We have been blessed with a master who has always believed in "ati", overflowing and has given us so many paths on which we can walk, run or sit down under the sun whenever we feel like wanting to touch the source. Not for him, the generous one to restricting his friends & lovers to any one particular method. For the introvert, extrovert, the dhyani, the dancing buddha, active, passive...
This has been one of the many reasons why I am in love with this man. Secondly, the way I get spellbound when he speaks and feel so connected. And his eyes, endless oceans... let me not start on him but rather share with you what I had initially wanted to.
I have stumbled upon an instant dhyan technique which works wonders for me. It doesn't require quietness or much time and you can do it anywhere, even on your way to office and even more importantly you know immediately when you drift. I listen to the noise outside, anything- birds, voices, horns-all types for some time and bring my total attention to them. Then I bring the attention to the inside music- sounds of my breath going in & out, my heart beating, sometimes a pulse throbs around the forehead etc. I listen to them for some time (three- five minutes) and then I switch my attention to a underlying sound, rather like crickets chirping, a krrrr... , a low sound which can be heard everywhere even in the worst of traffic mayhems. And the moment a thought flickers inside you, your attention or torchlight as I like to call it, shifts, and you realize later that a thought was there you no longer hear it. So I know when I'm just mechanically sitting and can start again. Its a variant of Osho’s Tantra technique and must be an ancient technique. We have tried it with Swamiji in Oshodham some time back, and it feels so dew fresh.
On the onset of the new year I want to share this with you and want to thank you for helping me in my journey.
Happiness & Beauty in Ordinary Things
I was called, as countless others by mysterious means, which Osho as he is wont to, mischievously arranged to appear like a series of coincidences. Very twisted they seemed and the state of personal affairs was like being in the dark dungeons of hell. But who knows the mysterious ways of working of existence.What seemed so monstrous at the time when rearranged and looked at through different colored glasses was perhaps the best thing I could have wished for myself.
Taught me with a hard thud on the head not to be judgmental and never ever ask god, the father; anything as I don't know what to ask for. And hey perhaps (in view of what's happened to me till now, the best already has happened and you'll simply play spoilsport by asking). So many other examples come to my mind, people I know to show that one has to be very, very careful in what one's asking for, for dammit, god the father in his benevolence might actually grant you your wish. Daughter- in- laws complaining that their mom-in-law don't allow them to do any work and the whole day they sit twiddling their thumbs.And Voila! from the next day the entire work descends on their slender shoulders. And the next day they start praying to god to please, please lighten their workload.
Maybe we have all got in a habit of complaining, not being content with what we have. This dissatisfaction paves the way for discontent and a restless mind. This further leads to depression. We have all got blinkers on our eyes, blinkers of our own choosing which do not allow us to see life, the many beautiful things right in front of our eyes.
The one thing I have learned from Osho is to find happiness & beauty in day-to-day ordinary things and stop hankering.Hankering for a more richer meditative experience, a bigger portion of pizza, more beautiful clothes and so many other stupid things. Yes, even the wish for a better meditative experience is as stupid if not more so than the so called material things.
Its all, you see, is a matter of choice.You can choose every day, nay every moment whether you want to don the clothes of happiness or sadness, gravity, to be loving or hateful. And choosing anything is fine as one gets cloyed by having sweet everyday so does one get bored of the same emotion. But the main thing is to be aware that you are choosing, and not blaming the other for your lows.
Everything Reminds Me of Him
I have had a strange on today off-tomorrow relationship with religion. My parents are practicing Hindus. But my grandmother was an Aryasamaji which means orthodox Hinduism was never practiced at our home. I never much cared for marks in school, so I never felt the need to bribe god for anything. My parents also never forced me to kow-tow before god every morning.
I had read both Ramayana & Mahabharata , holy books or shall I say scriptures of Hindus by the age of nine or ten. This was not, out of any religious zeal but because I loved stories and these two are loaded with them.
But, I did consider myself to be a Hindu. An unorthodox, not observing any fasts unless I felt like it but a Hindu nevertheless.
After I became a Sannyasin, strangely in the starting, I found all my views getting reaffirmed that was darlings, when I was not listening to Osho but my own mind which wanted reaffirmation. And then I heard Him speaking on Christ, Mahavir, Buddha, Nanak, Sufis and so, so many more. He took me by the hand on the road of discovery to meet all these beautiful, glorious masters. And I took them all to my heart. If there are so many to love and adore , why settle for a miserly few? And once you start on the path of loving you don't have to look too far. The ordinary which would not have make me want to look twice before I met him, now becomes the extraordinary. And Osho makes you find masters in real people, animals you meet everyday.
Yes, I am a Hindu today, but I am also a Muslim, a Christian, a Buddhist, so many things rolled in one that it becomes senseless to name so many. So rather, I'd now say, I'm now like a child in a garden full of so many different types of flowers. I go where my fancy leads me. I love all the religions because all of them are love stories and every religious monument, love songs ,by lines behind autos, trucks praising the master. I feel grateful because they all remind me of Him.
Meditation: A Part of Our Daily Lives
Earlier, some time back, I used to get slightly irritated with questions like this. I used to feel they are invading in my private, intimate space and many a times even when my meditation schedule was on today, off tomorrow kinds , I used to say I'm meditating everyday , doing so and so technique. You know, fattening my ego by doing so.
Nowadays when someone asks me the same question, I feel so glad, its like a warm handclasp. The very fact that she is asking means she (or he) is interested, we are in the same boat, fellow travelers. One more barrier between a heart to heart sharing drops.
I try to be honest, after all what's there to hide between friends, and knowing that opening up would only help me or the listener, do just that. There is so much to say that I can say very little indeed.
If I am doing a particular technique those days,I tell that (mostly I love dancing and listening to Osho) or maybe some techniques which I do for a short time before going to sleep.I have been so blessed to have a master who has instilled in me, that meditation is not limited to sitting in a lotus posture with eyes closed but rather one can go in meditation while walking, looking, listening, eating or hey, just breathing and in every act of life.He has set me free, cut my guilt strings and told me anything is good, whole act, just do it meditatively.
This is what I love to share, especially when people tell me they have no time to meditate. And this is what I love to do, while on my way to office, just looking at the trees, birds, animals, sky. When someone is talking to me about a topic I would like to hear, I give him all attention, no thoughts interrupting the flow between him and me. This flow, this circle of energy flow between me and the other and then back to me, is to me, meditation. No special extra time is needed, all that is needed is that all of I, not partial be present. I can do this any time, any place and as I enjoy this, I do it many a times a day.
This is enjoyment , not a heavy burden on the head. When asked whether I meditate everyday, it sounds like a chore, a duty, an ugliness, but nothing can be further from the truth. Meditation is light , no work at all, a utter relaxed state, a sense of coming home.
This and more, I try to tell the asker in two to three words and hope that my eyes can do do a better job of communicating then my poor, miserable tongue.
Corruption is rampant today. But tell me, honestly are you surprised? These scams which are showing up as eyesores in the society and are surfacing one after another are but a byproduct of the schizophrenic mentality of society itself.
Every child is born innocent and untouched by blemishes of any sort. No wonder, all children look beautiful. But as the child grows up, the parents, the entire education system , everyone schemes to corrupt the innocent, vulnerable child’s mind by instilling in it values of greed, power, ambition. How do we do it? We constantly compare the child with other children in terms of skills, marks. The child knows very well that his parents on whom he is dependant for his very life will look upon him with disapproval if he fares poorer than his classmates in areas which his parents consider important be it studies, sports or any other skill.
And thus the race of being one up begins. So, on hand while a person constantly tries to amass more money, power on the other he has to maintain a façade of honesty. This is hypocrisy practiced by everyone and is so commonplace that one does not even twice about it.
And honestly, its common knowledge that politicians spend crores to win their respective seats of power and no one is so naïve to think they do for their monthly pay packets. They do it for power and are able to wreak havoc once they attain it and the slightly less ambitious ones do it for money.
Not that I am in favor of corruption. Its just very amusing and painful together to see the society while trying to foster corrupt sons at its bosom on one hand and on the other condemning the very same people when they get caught. The moral of this story is to go on with corruption but don’t get caught.
The more complex a society becomes, the more complicated are the set of rules required to maintain discipline. And the easier it becomes to break or bypass the rules.
As the same as for all the diseases in this world, the remedy for corruption too remains the same: dhyaan or meditation. Once a person realizes the treasures that lie inside him, the lesser treasures will but automatically drop from his hands. The parents and the children both have to initiated on the path of self discovery so that they don’t squander away their energy and time in useless competition but work on their own uniqueness.
It is indeed very unfortunate that things have come to a pass where people ask "Why meditate?' It is like a person who has the very nectar of life available to him, just waiting to lift the cup and put to his lips to quench his ages old thirst and the person asks "Why should I drink? I have never drank for my entire life, my life is going on just fine without it. Why should I drink?' This tragedy happens as we are so unaware that we do not even know we are thirsty.
Ask people how they are and they reply that life is going on. And they are not even struck once by the beauty all around them, the skies , the trees, animals, people. The music does not thrill them nor the beat stirs their feet to dance. No wonder they say, such a precious thing as life , not even a drop which can be wasted away and they say life is just going on. As if they realize the futility of their lives and are just living for the heck of it.
Meditation is the elixir of life and it is very unfortunate and sad how few people know about it. It is as Osho says that they are living in the porch of a luxurious palace and have never gone inside.
But it is not their fault. It is the fault of the priests who they made out prayer a farce, just buying the services of the priest to act as a intermediary between him and god. Just a formality, a moral duty to be observed, a mechanical habit which has to be followed for maybe five, ten minutes everyday so that you can go about your day without feeling guilty.
Meditation means just being aware of the treasures inside you and all around you. There are numerous ways to achieve to this one end. No way is superior or inferior just what way is closer to your nature as on that way you will experience the least hindrances by your own self.
That can be dancing, singing, just sitting, vipassana, a tantra technique. No knowing which one will bring you suddenly to your center.
And it’s not so difficult also though it might definitely look so when suddenly you sit down suddenly, close your eyes and try to bring all these whirling thoughts to a stop. Its as simple as breathing in and breathing out. For the mind oriented , it’s a pure science, it doesn't ask you to believe, just follow the technique and see for yourself.
Patanjali, Buddha, Mahavir have perfected this, just follow them, they will guide you step by step from the starting right to the end.
A meditation camp is the best way to experience the vast number of techniques available to seekers, see which one brings you most effortlessly to a state of no-mind and benefit from the experiences of other meditators . There is also a energy field formed out of so many sadaks meditating day in and day out at the same place and it becomes very easy for those who want to, to flow with the same energy.
For the first timers, who might be bewildered by all going around them, as they might have idea of conventional meditation , reading and listening to Osho will prove very helpful. There are also 3 techniques which are invariably practiced at every Osho camp : Dynamic, Kundalini and the White Robe Brotherhood and the new comer might be benefitted by reading about the correct way to do these meditations in Osho's book "Meditation: The First and Last Freedom ".Its a bible for us Osho lovers.
Even more important than this is to keep your mind and heart open and not to be pulled down by pre conceived reservations. Any judgments about the camp, whether it suits you or not should be postponed till after the camp .Half hearted attempts are no good at all. Either do it or don't do it.
Revel and rejoice as you and I are now part of the Osho fraternity.
Disciplehood: Total Trust In The Master
Osho happened to me with a bang. It was not a gradual drawing to me, but suddenly one day I was on one shore, and the very next moment BANG! I was with Him or rather He was with me.
I was always, I remember, even in my childhood enquiring to myself why I was alive and the purpose of my life.
And though belonging to a traditional Hindu family I didn't as such believe in idol worship and bowing my head down to every god. In fact my mother showed my horoscope to our family pundit who told her that I was born to be a atheist. And then , around the ripe old age of 24 or was it 25, by a series of coincidences (or so it seemed then) I came in contact with our beautiful, colorful, sweetheart of a master.
One camp, one session only and I was his and he was mine. I don't know why I fell in love with him, there are thousand and one reasons why anyone would fall in love with him, but why I did I really have no clue. Maybe, because he is so beautiful, or was it because the way his eyes touched my heart, or the fact that I touched my center the first time in his presence, I just don't know.
And my sannyas ceremony, I was scared, trembling like a goat who knows its going to be slaughtered and welcoming it, loving my master and my union with him. The act itself. Him touching my agya chakra and the flow of energy from him to me, like a waterfall, leaving me drenched and one with him.
Disciplehood to me means, being totally open and vulnerable. If there is any crookedness in me, why, let him see it do and do what he wants to do with it. It means being without any pretensions, masks and defenses with him. If the master asks me to go mad, to laugh, cry, dance like crazy, I will do that. Disciplehood also means trusting in the master implicitly, completely with no questions. The questions were all asked earlier, and so many of them.
This implicit trust only happens when even though I was not capable enough to know, my heart told me, this is the man I was waiting for all my life, and that I'd be a fool to waste any more time now. And sannyas felt like jumping then and there in the fire. You start understanding the strange attraction the firefly has for the fire.
Sannyas to me is a marriage of souls, a affirmative from the disciple to show he is ready now, come what may, to follow the Master. Sannyas is a gift given by the Master to the disciple. The disciple is in love with the master, wants to swear his love, tell it to his beloved, and words can say so little. The Master sensing the need, designs the act of sannyas, by which the disciple can communicate his love and dedication. Actions are always stronger than words.
And the act of sannyas itself, Wow! The Disciple is at his most open and the master can rain down on him.
Generally the initiation ceremony or sannyas is the time when most get an inking, a flash of the beauty of the master and forge their hearts with him. It was that way with me too.
Sannyas is a necessity for the sincere as the mind is very fickle and even if you have experienced beauty and dhyan in presence of the master, the mind can trick you into thinking it was just a delusion. Sannyas is a commitment to the path of Dharm, to the austere you, that you are ready to devote time, effort to the path of meditation.
Is there any difference between we, Osho's, Krishnamurti's , and so many modern day masters and the ancient , revered ones? I don't think so. The quality, the taste of the master remains the same, regardless of time. It the quality of the disciple that determines how much he is gaining from the master.
I always feel that in one sense, being in modern times is of a benefit to my spiritual journey in a sense that now science is also echoing in many matters what the masters had always said. And don't you also sense a need in the modern generation to discover peace after so much turbulence. The ways may be different, yoga, aromatherapy, vipassana , hypnotherapy to name a few, but the ends are the same.
And the symbols of sannyas all help. Firstly, the disciple who is in love with the master loves to wear anything reminding him of Him. Secondly, even if he does forget as he is bound to sometimes, the sight of the symbols remind him of Him. Thirdly, as he wears them everytime he meditates, just the signs themselves help in creating a mood of meditation and ease the passage of mind to no-mind.
Ever since this Earth has been there, there have been seekers, and the existence is nothing if not kind. For every true seeker, a master is always there. For as Osho has reassured us so many times, "the very moment a disciple is ready, the master comes"
So, a disciple does not need to fear the changing time or feel that there is no master for him. The only question he needs to ask is that is he ready? And remember that that the very moment he is, the master will come. A true master is not a rarity but a true disciple surely is, as much now as it always was.
Power: An Illusion
What is the first and utmost thing to remember is that idea of Power is an illusion. Nobody, nobody has the power over anybody else apart from one’s own self. In fact, I even saying that one has power over one’s self is to an extent, an exaggeration. The body minds its own business, the mind its own and so on. If anyone agrees to anybody’s control over her and obeys every whim and fancy of that person, then even that is her decision. Just look at it, it is so stupid, when we, barring a rare few can’t even become our own masters, how can we become anyone else’s? As if money, brute power, mind or anything are more potent then one’s own what to call it, say integrity for lack of better words. Nobody can force anyone to do anything and both the two parties need to agree to co-operate to dance the dance of power.
Only one force is there that makes one surrender and put your head at the feet of somebody (and mind you, even that is your own decision), and that is of love, of a master- disciple relationship. The disciple on seeing his own helpless state, puts his head at his master’s feet whom he can dimly perceive to be shining with his own inner light and asks to be guided by him in all matters of life.
The rest is pseudo- money, power and other stuff is just a tussle and both know that the day the other has more of the desired stuff, he’ll stand with his feet on the other’s chest. It is ugly, a sucking of the other.
So, I feel that firstly that the perception of power is false, it is just a hankering, a effort to fill the emptiness in one’s self, of knowing that one is not the master of even one’s own self. And out of the knowing, comes the benediction, the surrender of one’s self to the one who is the master.
And what could be more lovely then this surrender? It has flowers in it and even the master’s hits and blows are beautiful. The disciple is bonded to the master and even when he knows what he was yearning to learn, is reluctant to let go of the bonds and the master has to force him to go.
This is a complete reversal of the situation when one feels bound to the other by the whip of money etc.
And I know the day, I let him take total possession of me, I’ll be the happiest person dancing on this earth.
The Ability To Respond
The greatest gift Osho has given to me is that of freedom. Freedom to be what I want, not bounded by people's perceptions. Freedom to follow my heart and to do my own stuff not dictated by what society's norms and definitions.
The society is a honey trap using as bait imaginary pats on the back when you conform to its rules and brick bats when you cold shoulder its rules. Even the pats on the back are imaginary as you know that people will start bitching about you the moment your back is turned. So all you actually end up with is a pseudo beautiful image of yourself and a feeling of misery and martyrdom inside.
Its this very sense of duty that creates martyrs, feeling of self-pity that you have sacrificed your own happiness for sake of others.
We are indeed fortunate to have had a master who has repeatedly knocked our heads and shaken us to open our eyes and see the difference between duty and responsibility.
Duty is pre- laid. You already know what you are expected to do, not for anything has the society being working on your sub-conscious since you were born. Responsibility is in Osho's vision - the ability to respond. You see a particular situation, open the gates of awareness and respond. While the duty remains consistent, responses can vary from moment to moment.
Duty is always for the society while responsibility may or may not be according, to the that very instant. Had there always been dutiful people, there would have been no revolutions, in society or in an individual. Buddhas and Vardhamans would have stayed on in their palaces, toeing the line but luckily for us, they dared to defy the society, be a rebel, not caring weather it understood them or not and just do what they felt they were meant to do.
My take on duty is that its just outright demeaning. I have a heart, a brain and a liver, thank you, the same as anyone else and I will not be dictated or shepherded to do something I don't want to do. If what I do conforms to your idea of duty, good, if not then sorry.
In fact to come to think of it, I also feel that duty originally originated from people seeing actions performed spontaneously by saints and then instead of respecting the spirit, they showed their respect by iron-cladding the actions , making anyone not doing them feel guilty.
As Osho puts it so lucidly 'You should never do anything because of duty. Either you do something because of love or you do not do it. Make it a point that your life has to be a life of love, and if out of love you respond, that I call responsibility. Break the word into two: response-ability, don't make it one. Joining these two words has created so much confusion in the world. It is not responsibility, it is response-ability. And love is able to respond. There is no other force in the world which is so able to respond. If you love, you are bound to respond; there is no burden. Duty is a burden.'
Sannyas: A Process Of Becoming More Clear, Centered And Collected
I am a not, or i am all.. Neither am i a mother, a wife , an employee or a master to those subservient to me. Either I am all or a nought. I am this tree standing besides me, this wind caressing the face and this chair on which i sit. Not only this, I am also this thief who is planning to rob a bank and also the sage meditating in the jungle.
This is what sanyas means to me, a groping for the thread that makes me one with the universe, the virtuous and the sinful, the alive and the dead, the awakened ones and the asleep. Sanyas is the groping in the dark with the master giving instructions on how to pass thru the door from the confinement and me struggling to understand, trying to wake up.
Sanyas, also means to me an offering, an offering of myself at my master's feet, becoming putty in his hands to do what he wants with me, trusting him with my body, mind and soul all together.
Its only, only thru sanyas that i have come to know what love is, earlier it was all words , air and bull.. When I started loving him, the first time I opened to Osho, it was like a bud turning its timid head towards the sun, my own perfume confusing me.
Sanyas to me is a school, in which i learned the joy of loving, of letting go, of dancing wildly and not caring two hoots about what anybody else would think. Of being on a path of discovering, seeing the mystery and the dance all around me and rejoicing in it.
Yes, celebration is another way, i can define sanyas. Celebration for me began after sanyas, celebrating the Master, loving him with my songs, dance and love, celebrating myself and since then the celebration has not ended. The senses are getting stronger and I can drink more deeply the beauty of nature and knowing myself to be a part of nature.
I love him, and this love is now perhaps the only centre in this rapidly changing life. Its a very intimate relationship I share with Osho, he knows me in and out and can look into me and see what I am thinking, feeling and i can look in his eyes and lose myself in them.
And lastly sanyas is about being aware, aware of whats going inside as well as aware of whats happening outside.
Sanyas is a process of becoming more clear, centered and collected. Of knowing the limitations of mind that prevent us from enjoying this moment. Since it is everything to do with oneself it is not time or space bound. It is as relevant today as it was in earlier centuries and will not loose an iota of its importance in the forthcoming time. Staying in a city or a jungle does not make any difference. Infact staying in a society can speed up the path to self-discovery as its easy to maintain a facade of auterity all alone and the real test is society. The society helps us discover the wounds of hurt, anger, desire and these when exposed can be looked into.
Osho is the finger pointing to the moon. He is the mother whose long skirts i clutch at, gathering courage to walk alone.
Sanyas is not a renunciation , but rather the opposite, a deep enjoyment of the roles called upon me to play and playing them with finesse.
But Why? Why Don't We Enjoy Ourselves In The Workplace?
After taking a sabbatical for several years when I recently started working again I was stuck by this point forcibly. As such I didn’t need to work in the sense , my finances were adequately met by but it just seemed that the wind was blowing favorably in the direction in which I would once again take up work again (after 12 very short years of not working).
And as I didn’t need to work I was, and still am determined to enjoy my time in the office as much as I do at home.. Need is such an ugly word. It makes you a slave or rather creates a perception that you are a slave, bonded by the circumstances. But if anyone looks at things clearly, with no clouds misting their eyes, everyone’s needs are but few. And these few needs can be very easily met by resources available to us. To own two cars just because your neighbor or perhaps closer to heart some relative has them is plain stupid. One question that needs to be asked and answered with sincerity is that do you work to live happily or live to work . Priorities should be clear. Osho gives the example of a successful and famous surgeon who would much rather have been a carpenter but who didn’t take it up as he was not very good at it.
So, choosing the type of work you are going to do is of foremost importance. As our Guru Osho says ‘The point is that whatsoever you are doing is not against your being, and that your being and your doing go together hand in hand, in a dance. Then each experience is a growth experience, and out of each experience it is not only that your work grows, you grow. And it is not only that your work succeeds -- you succeed... and that is the real value.’
And if the work is to their liking, even then people don’t enjoy work as they take it so seriously. They don’t break into a song if they feel like it, don’t laugh with their seniors and bosses and keep a distance from their juniors. Its as if they are carrying a mountain of responsibilities and duties on their shoulders. And what they don’t realize is that they do more harm than good by adopting this attitude. A very famous but misinterpreted hindi saying comes to the mind in which a renowned Saint says that no animal or bird seem to be doing any work but the almighty takes care of everyone. One interpretation of this is that since they are doing work which is a intrinsic part of their nature, its almost as if they are not working, that God is acting thru them and taking care of them.
I also feel that it is the tendency of mind to ‘divide and rule ‘, so apparent in this terminology workplace is another reason people don’t enjoy their workplaces. So, first and foremost there is no such place called the workplace. Life is just a flow, an extension with no demarcations. Office flows into home just as home flows into office. Either everyone is family or putting it upside down everyone is a stranger. Both are equally right.. Once we let go and just look and not say mentally, this is a friend, this a relative, and so on , much can happen. One can relax and let go , not feel tense and get involved totally in what on is doing, one would not feel drained by the work but would rather draw energy from it.
Then work and meditation become the same.
Boredom: A Virtue?
First of all, over to the Master :
Osho says : Boredom is an indication of sensitivity. Boredom is the consciousness of repetition.
Either have no consciousness, then you cannot feel the repetition, or, have so much consciousness that in each repetition you can see something new. These are the two ways to get out of boredom.
How many times do we hear people talking about what they do in life: get up, eat, go to work and sleep. It seems that everyone is bored to death by this repetitive routine. In fact we all seem to be hankering for a change, a new job, a new friend, a change of place, anything to get out of the mundane and ordinariness which we are stuck in. But Osho makes boredom a virtue. He says that only human beings have the capacity to get bored. There are even fewer variations in lives of animals than humans, but we don't see them getting bored.
But neither do we see a Buddha getting bored. Boredom is a ladder as Osho says to enlightenment. It is like this. Somewhere on the crossroads from having little to no consciousness to super awareness lies boredom. On how long it occupies the centre place in our lives, depends on the degree of our awareness.
Every morning, the sun rises, the same trees are there on our way from home to office, the same work awaits us, be it office or home but each sunset, every time you look at a flower,it is different.Delving in the depths of each moment, not connecting with the past, simply seeing is the answer. But it requires some degree of awareness to be conscious about the extraordinariness of life.
One thing that strikes me frequently is that though we hear nearly everyone complaining about the sameness of life, I have never heard a single mother complaining that she was bored of her little one. She might say that she is tired but never that she is bored and what could be more repetitive then her life: getting up at odd hours, changing diapers, feeding the baby n number of times. But the mother drinks in every moment and for her, each gesture the baby makes, every gurgle, each expression is fresh although a hired help will soon get bore of the very same baby fast enough.
So, the way we perceive things, the impact it has on us lies not with the object being seen but with the seer. We are free to either be bored by it or feel blessed by divine. We are free and yes powerful enough to imagine ourselves as slaves powerless to change the destiny or to feel at the top of the moment and be in control.
The thread of divinity runs across each moment, all we have to do is to open our eyes and see it.
Guilt: The Sheer Waste Of Energy
When I first read that the topic given to me to write was ‘guilt’, I freaked out. Almost everybody I know is infected with this disease. Although it is not contagious, people and especially ones you are in close contact with, be it your family or others in the society make sure you catch it. You make a person feel guilty, and then you manipulate her into doing what you want. In the beginning, the other person has to be physically present to make you feel guilty and then he or she grows in you as your conscience. Unfortunately, it is in most cases the parents, people with whom a child is most vulnerable and open with, sow the first seed of guilt.
Before I was an Osho sannyasin and even now I many-a-times catch myself playing this game of do it- feel guilty, feel good about feeling guilty, repent and do it again. So many things to feel guilty about ranging from most mundane like feeling guilty about eating a second helping of that delicious ice-cream to those closer to my heart like when I deviate from my own image of what a good mother, wife , daughter and even god forbid a good sannyasin should be and behave like. It took many a hitting on the head by my master and sweetheart Osho before I could simply just shrug off my notions of what ought to be and live in what is. And even now, ever so frequently I find myself falling in the guilt trap and have to consciously remind myself not to commit the same mistake again.
Coz, dammit I am the way I am and just cannot conform to your views of what I ought to be. And the worst is when the very guilt makes you start doing more the same things you feel guilty about doing. This happened to me. I was fat, very fat. I felt bad about being fat and did not feel beautiful. So, to get thin, I used to go on near starvation diets and ever so often in a moment of weakness I used to open the refrigerator door , gobble up real fast whatever one part of me was hankering to eat and another part saying not to and then after eating feel guilty about it. So, I used to make another stupid resolution and then of course break it. This went on for a long time. I was not enjoying my food because of guilt and hence not feeling satiated, I was eating more. But in due course of time, when with Swamiji’s guidance, my master’s guidance, I started employing all my senses, relishing the food, dropped the guilt, and the extra kilos started melting.
So, guilt as I see it is a hindrance in just being. You are not in the present when you are feeling guilty, not enjoying sex if you have a past baggage against it, and enjoying food if you feel guilty about it and so on.
And feeling guilty is such a waste, at least fear, another negative emotion helps you in staying alive .Guilt is a sheer waste of energy which could be put to much more creative uses elsewhere.
As Osho puts it so clearly:
This moment!...this herenow...is forgotten when you start thinking in terms of achieving something. When the achieving mind arises, you lose contact with the paradise you are in. This is one of the most liberating approaches: it liberates you right now! Forget all about sin and forget all about saintliness; both are stupid. Both together have destroyed all the joys of humanity. The sinner is feeling guilty, hence his joy is lost. How can you enjoy life if you are continuously feeling guilty? if you are continuously going to the church to confess that you have done this wrong and that wrong? And wrong and wrong and wrong...your whole life seems to be made of sins. How can you live joyously? It becomes impossible to delight in life. You become heavy, loaded. Guilt sits on your chest like a rock, it crushes you; it does not allow you to dance. How can you dance? How can guilt dance? How can guilt sing? How can guilt love? How can guilt live? So the one who thinks he is doing something wrong is guilty, burdened, dead before death, has already entered into the grave.
Now, that I am on the way to accepting myself, I am more relaxed, more able to trust and forgive myself. Guilt which hangs around like heaviness has somehow loosened. Osho has shown me that all the urges be it sex, anger, greed, fear are so natural and present in everyone. The only difference is, some people learn the art of transforming them into beauty while others less fortunate ones, suffer from the by-products which naturally follow these baser emotions.